Another realization about the realities of attraction

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This week I think I've learned another lesson in attraction, though this time its been more based on what seems to earn mine - something that's teaching me a lot about what I want to do if I really want to give a woman that feeling that she can't fight and even which fighting seems to intensify.

In the past few weeks, off an on, there's a girl who we've been hanging out with on the weekends, I'll just call her X. X is someone who was actually wanting to hook up with my room mate, he did give her a lot of signs, but truth be told he's been hurt pretty badly by women in the past few relationships and now has really been just looking for action without the relationship. Over the last few weeks she's had a growing interest in me, it showed for sure a couple of weekends ago, and this last weekend it came down to her talking to that same friend for about 2 hours on how much she liked me and him talking her into just comming up to me and talking about it. Arround 6 AM I decided to get some sleep, she walked into my room, sat on the side of the bed, and started telling me how she's rarely truely attracted to a guy, it maybe happens once every few years, and that I'm probably the third guy that she felt enough toward to actually want to be direct and just come out and say it. She was a little uncomfortable about it but we had a decent conversation. Sad thing is though, for some odd reason, allthough she's definitely a cute girl, definitely very intelligent, my feelings about that situation or toward her were just completely numb. I couldn't figure it out, this has happened many times in the past, and I'm sure a lot of you can relate to physically feeling attrcted to all the wrong people while not feeling anything for the right people all too often and it drives you crazy, especially when you want to be attracted to them on that level and can't imagine why you aren't.

Then, tonight, we were hanging out with a girl who seems really cool herself, a lot more on the fun side (I'm sure she's intelligent to a point but it's not something her personality showcases), and even though she's a bit overweight and really isn't the strongest on the looks department I was feeling a lot of attraction to her. I was telling my friend later on that the whole night I was trying to figure out what it was that she was doing, just because now being a bit more of a Dave DeAngelo reader it's got me thinking a lot more technically about this.

Well, here's what I'd attribute it to - while the first girl I mentioned can be flirtatious we've been almost too sincere in how we've talked with eachother and haven't teased eachother a bit (well, I was playing some subtle games with her that night but I didn't get any back). Even when she has flirted with me in the past, its like the body language was there but she was still trying to connect too much mind-to-mind rather than being a smartass with me or being abstract about it. Its sad because it seems like my honesty and intellectualizing is what makes me attractive to her, I really hate the fact that being on that note kills it for me but it does. On the other hand the girl I was just mentioning afterward seems like she's putting on sort of a partying mood most of the time, is a flirt, knows how to be a smartass or at least roll with things when she isn't in a way where even if I'm talking to her about something serious she can give body language that keeps the game alive. That and while both seem self-assured, the one showcases her depth a bit more outwardly where the other seems like she's just about fun and partying.

Even with all that said though - it's a vibe, an emotional type of output, a kind of putting levity over depth, its like even if your an overthinker like me you need it for some reason to have attraction to someone. With respect to X I'm still going to talk to her and hang out, I told her friend that I still want to hang out with her (and in a way I hinted that I wanted to see if we could find a spark). Well, knowing this I can see where I'll want to try and at least do some subtle instigation, see if I can get some games back out of her, but try to get things emotionally on that plateau that the other girl was on. As a guy I'd probably want to flex it a little differently but I think it's all on the same principles. As for ultimately hooking up with X, I really have my doubts right now, but working on this and trying to get that right kind of vibe about myself that will energize a woman in a way that she moves to reenergize me is something I realize I need to work on regardless just because - it's a pretty essential skill in starting a healthy relationship and even once it's past that innitial 'do everything opposit and piss them off' stage where they'll want sincerity its like you still need a bit of that to keep things alive - otherwise, according to Dave D and what I've seen, that's when she'll start talking about that boyfriend from her past who treated her like crap but who for some reason she's irrisistably attracted to again (I don't want to go as harsh as calling the lack of game 'wuss' behavior but I do know now how univeral and abitrary these kinds of principles are, especially when I feel them in action on my own emotions and drives).