Which is a better opening line?

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** pout ** I certainly didn't mind the games but you're right. I shouldn't have gone off topic. Apologies to others.

The inclusion of dark and stormy night is meant to be satirical. It's humorous because it's referencing an overused cliche, but that's not how the story begins at all; it's how it ends, and in fact the night being both dark and stormy for the final chapter is actually very important to how it plays out. Naturally, the details are unknown until the last chapter is read.

However, I'm concerned that with the subtle and offbeat and possibly invisible humor, the reader will be expected me to keep making little metajokes and such throughout the novel, and that's not my writing style. So that could be a bad idea.

I like the first one better because it's more enticing for the reader. Although "dark and stormy night" is pretty cliche, the line will otherwise be effective in drawing the reader into the story.

I have to admit, I'm not nuts about either of them. I would prefer the second if only because of the problem pointed out already with the first. I think you're spot on in suggesting that if you start the novel with a satirical little nod to the reader, they'll expect the entire novel to remain in keeping with that standard. That would be precisely what they'd expect. Readers will be looking at that first page to help them decide whether to keep reading. You don't want to mislead them from the outset, unless that's the novel's purpose.

If you can't decide between two starting lines, then maybe neither is taking you where you want to go. Nothing says you can't play around and come up with more options.

I went with the second; it's simple, a little less cluttered, and gives the reader something to anticipate. If you know the world's going to end in a year, then that's half the story already told...remember the old show-biz adage.

always leave 'em wanting more....

Wow. Now it's a tie.

I apologize for splitting hairs, so to speak, but grammatically the second line requires a comma. It should read:

"He was the most innocent of youths, and perversion followed in his wake."

As: "He was the most innocent of youths"
and:
"perversion followed in his wake"
are both independent clauses.

As you are the writer, you can ignore grammar, and sometimes this rule is ignored (often in journalism).

However some readers will notice it, and at the least would expect you to be consistent (unless you did this intentionally for some reason). At the very least, an editor should realize the error.

Hope this helps, and I do not intend to be rude; I am simply trying to be helpful.

--David

David,

I have such a hard time myself with knowing where commas do or don't go. The "rule" given to me by an English teacher doesn't seem to always apply (whereever you pause to take a breath), and so always appreciate advice like that.