I met someone yesterday and thought it went well

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kwilky
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30 Apr 2010, 3:34 pm

Hi. I'm assuming this is the correct forum to place this post in. This will be long.

I posted a craiglist ad and didn't get a response for about a week and a half. I was almost ready to repost the ad but checked my email and found a response in there finally. It was a girl who responded. We talked for a couple days via email and then she gave me her cell # and decided she'd give a meeting a shot. I gave her mine and she texted me the next day asking if I wanted to get lunch. I agreed and we met at a restaurant.

It was fairly hard for me at first. I managed to force myself to spit out some words and ask a few questions. We were only there for about a half hour but I got much more comfortable as time went on and found myself able to speak more easily. I thought everything went great and I thought she agreed. I emailed her again after lunch saying I wanted to meet again if she did but I haven't gotten a response yet. If by tomorrow morning I get nothing then I will have to assume she didn't like me for some reason, though I'm really not quite sure why.

She had a nice smile on her face when she saw me sitting on the bench inside the restaurant so that told me she wasn't disgusted by how I looked. We seemed to be interested in the same things sort of. I was able to talk to her about video games and pets and other crap. She asked if I was religious and I said I didn't believe in the christian god. She said "OK no problem" but I'm not so sure if she was really OK with that or not. I told her I was agnostic. I made it very clear that I was a quiet guy in the ad I posted and she responded knowing that so I don't think that was too big of a deal.

When we were talking about her dog I told her about a dog park that I believe is a little closer to her than the one she usually goes to. She said she might check it out twice during lunch. I took that as a hint that maybe I should show up and we could have talked more there but I decided not to as I wasn't sure if that's what she was implying. She also offered me a ride home. She wouldn't have done that if she was super uncomfortable with me. I of course refused the ride but that was another thing that made me think maybe she's ok with me.

I found myself jumbling up my words and thoughts like usual. I was talking the best I could but I think that may be one of the main reasons she is no longer interested. I speak very quietly and often say words that I don't want to say and that make no sense at all. She didn't have trouble hearing me but I think she had trouble understanding what I was saying a little. She never brought it up or asked me to clarify anything so I'm not sure.

I decided to only email her after lunch because texting her would have made her uncomfortable. You can ignore an email easier than a text I think. Ignoring something always means no so I just left that open for her. I don't want to make things uncomfortable for her. Nobody likes handing out rejections. I probably will email her again saying thanks and possibly asking what about me she did not like so I can work on it. Is that a good idea or no? I don't see a problem with doing that. I won't be rude and I'll be sure to say she doesn't have to respond. She ended up paying for the meal though which I'm feeling bad about. I offered to pay multiple times and in the end she ended up doing it. If she's not interested then she's just wasted money on me and that isn't right.

I'm just getting two different signals here and am not sure which is correct. Obviously the negative one is correct if she does not respond to my email by tonight but I'm still just not sure why she would have had a problem with me.

If you managed to get through all that then give me your thoughts please. I'd love to hear your opinion on any of it.



Willard
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30 Apr 2010, 5:43 pm

kwilky wrote:
. Obviously the negative one is correct if she does not respond to my email by tonight


Don't assume. Not everyone checks their email obsessively. Give it a couple of days at least.



Apera
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30 Apr 2010, 6:31 pm

I think you're spending a little too much time analyzing everything. Just go with it, as much as you can. Think later. And I'd advise against asking repeatedly about the same thing; it just annoys people. Give it at least an hour and try again. Explaining yourself might make the response more clear as well.


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AdmiralCrunch
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30 Apr 2010, 9:18 pm

Like the previous posters said: don't make too much of it. If it works out, fantastic; if not, then oh well -- it's just another learning opportunity.

kwilky wrote:
I offered to pay multiple times and in the end she ended up doing it.

This is probably the one thing you wrote about that didn't seem justifiable. If you offer to do something, don't debate or leave it open-ended; take action! Either pay or don't. Keeping something like this going around only makes you appear nervous and indecisive; it's better to make yourself look confident (but not to the point of being an a**hole, of course). Multiple offers just shouldn't occur.


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kwilky
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30 Apr 2010, 10:56 pm

@willard, I know but she has always responded within a day when we were talking before the meeting and if things went well she definitely would have checked her email by now.

@apera, I overthink everything, always. I realize it's probably not the best thing to do but I cannot help it. It just happens. Nothing I can do about it. I also don't understand what you mean when you say don't repeatedly ask about the same thing over and over. I don't believe I wrote anything in my post about repeatedly asking about something.

@admiral, We were finishing up the meal and the check came. I said I'd pay, she said she would. We walked to the counter. I again said me paying is no problem, she insisted so I just let her do it and offered to pay next time if we were going to do something again. I don't think it was that big of a deal. Neither of us wanted to be rude.

I still haven't gotten a response. I sent her a thank you email and told her I'd buzz off. I was considering waiting one more day but I'm very certain that she won't be talking to me anymore. I've reposted my ad. Hopefully I'll find someone new to meet soon.



Bugzee
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30 Apr 2010, 11:05 pm

Kwilky, Craigslist is a terrible way of meeting people. mostly creeps and weirdos hang out there preying on young, desperate people. Be very careful and make sure this woman is really a woman.



kwilky
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01 May 2010, 5:09 pm

Bugzee wrote:
Kwilky, Craigslist is a terrible way of meeting people. mostly creeps and weirdos hang out there preying on young, desperate people. Be very careful and make sure this woman is really a woman.


I'm aware. I did much research before meeting with this person. It was in fact a woman.