Speaking of creepy men...

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I had a psychiatry appointment today, and I was in the waiting room by myself, doodling in my sketch book to pass the time. A man comes in to have a seat- he is an older gentleman, at least in his 60s. He says hello and then starts asking me personal questions: am I a veteran (yeah, I am), did I retire? Why did I leave? Am I married? Why am I here? (it is the mental health clinic, ya know) Am I depressed? Why? (I was very uncomfortable at this point but could not bring myself to be rude to him for some reason) When he found out I wasn't married he asked for my phone number. I told him no. I mean, I was polite but I just flat out said "no" with a smile. I was hoping to God my doc would come get me soon. Luckily his doctor came and got him. It was funny because she was a very pretty doctor, LOL. Poor dear.

This whole scene, although it was a little funny, was very uncomfortable- I cant express how dumbfounded I was at the time. This was way beyond the usual awkward scenarios of someone in your personal space at the supermarket. I was trapped there wondering if I should get up and walk away. And here I was in the other thread talking about how unapproachable I was, giving advice. LOL Im a fraud!

I'm a guy, but I must say that is the definition of creepy. Even if he were 30 and acting that way, it would be creepy. If he were 30, I might feel bad for him due to lack of social skills...but at age 60, social skills or not, he knows fully well what he's doing. He reminds me of a guy at the local coffee shop, couldn't have been any younger than 65 or 70, that was commenting on how many "hot women" go there everyday.

Well, I guess everyone deals with a creeper at some point...

Not necessarily - I've seen people with Alzheimer's disease do things like that a lot, and they don't mean to be creepy, or rude or intrusive - the plaque in their brain has just eaten away the neurological filters that remind us when to shut up and what not to talk about.

I've also seen it happen to people who live alone out in the boonies too long - they actually seem to forget most of their social skills and become oblivious to the fact that some of their behaviors are actually shocking, annoying or disgusting to the people around them. I guess when you haven't had to think about anyone else's reactions in ten years or more, you may forget that eating a booger in the middle of a conversation is not acceptable behavior.

I mean, the guy was at a Mental Health Clinic, after all. Now you have a pretty good idea why.

But truthfully - I'd have gotten up and walked away, or pretended to be engrossed in a magazine. If he persisted, I'd probably just leave and reschedule my own appointment later. That kind of intrusive interrogation from a stranger would drive me up the wall in about thirty seconds, and I don't mind to be rude to somebody who's bugging me like that. It's my mental health or theirs, and theirs is clearly already suspect.

I really needed my appointment so I was just going to try to find an out when his doc came in to get him. I think the fact that we were in a clinical setting really put me at a loss. I don't put up with this sort of thing when I am in the store or in a parking lot. It is much easier to walk away n that situation. And when he walked in I had my head down, drawing in my sketchbook already. I think he just had no concept of boundaries at all.

That said, I felt he was relatively harmless. He wasn't waiting for me to come out or anything, but this type of thing can be disconcerting, to say the least. I have experience being stalked for real. One guy tried to run me down with his car after I would not be his girl friend. Another one (whose identity I never discovered) made perverted calls to me for quite a while until I finally moved to a new place and changed my phone number. Changing numbers didn't work the first few times.

If you don't cut them off clean, the other person feels a "yield", like they can "almost convince you", so they keep pushing. This happens when you say "no" with body language and tone that says "maybe" - because you're trying to remain polite.

Oftentimes, "NO" and politeness are at odds; you can't have your cake and eat it, too.

I call that "rabbit in the headlights" syndrome. I have been trapped in similar situations, where I tolerated behavior that, when mused upon later, had been completely unacceptable. Once I was sitting on a bench in a pretty park, just relaxing before going off to do my next errand. An elderly man with a cane, came and sat on the next bench. He made a comment about the lovely day. Although annoyed at having my solitude intruded upon, I agreed. Then, out of the blue, he said, "I'm looking for a wife!" And leered.
I replied, "Well, I'm not looking for a husband." He growled some expletive, and got up and walked away.

It's ok to say to someone that you feel that the question/s they ask are making you uncomfortable or to refuse to answer personal questions. I'd probably have said (if I was in a similar situation) it was none of his business once he started asking the uncomfortable questions and moved to a seat further away (if possible).

LostAlien- I totally should have done that. I didn't answer all the questions he asked either. I just typed most of them here to illustrate just how intrusive they were. I only answered a couple, like my military affiliation. That is a really common question for anyone at the VA to ask anyway to make small talk. I think it was the fact he was older and I was raised to be polite to my elders. If he had been my age or just a little older (in my peer group) I think I would have been different.

Which is exactly why some women present themselves as cold, rude, and snobbish.

... which is another, useless, extreme.

What would you suggest? Roll over and play dead? I can't believe how many males come into the women's discussion, and say things like this.

Do you approach every person and situation in life with either "I love you" or "I hate you" attitude?

It's easy to jump to the extremes - being too nice, or being too aggressive. It's hard to find balance - to be firm ENOUGH. My point was that the OP was not firm ENOUGH. And being firm ENOUGH usually does not reconcile with "being nice" very well, especially dealing with obnoxious individuals.

Both Chronos and yourself should stop trying to put words into my mouth. I never said that all women should be stone-cold to all men all the time. Neither did I say anything about playing dead.

Seriously.

monsterland, I have firmly and politely told men that I wasn't interested, they persisted on trying to pick me up. In some situations me politely telling them I'm really not interested was reacted with them trying to inapropriately touch me. I've had to resort to physical violence at times. When I'm saying this, I'm not saying all guys are like this, I'm just saying that this happened to me.

I find being rude often-times makes sure that this kind of thing doesn't escalate. I think hartzofspace wrote in response to you saying "... which is another, useless, extreme.". You were saying to try to be polite when many women have found that this has not stopped guys from pushing and being intrusive.

An example, I was in a Night-club. A guy asked me to dance. I said I wasn't interested. He said "come on". I say no. He said "come on" again. I shout no. He say why?. I say I have a bf (I didn't but was still trying to be polite). He leered at me and said well he isn't here. At this point I was really annoyed and still he tried until I was rude to him.

This has happened often enough that I will be really rude if I think a guy will act like this to me and perhaps I've hurt some guys feelings doing this but I don't like people (men or women) not respecting me and wasting my time.

I'm assuming that women are suppose to act sweet and nice just as society expects them to and pretend everything is ok while a guy can tell another guy to screw off if he's irritating him in a way that makes him feel uncomfortable. Just my observation as I don't see the same cold snobby term used for guys and believe me, I see a lot of them act like that >_<

Anyway I got a guy down the street who acts creepy but after knowing him for a while now, I realize he's head injured. Every time I go outside to do yard work or just to sit, he'll come by telling me what a looker I am (I'm not btw) and always asking me why I'm single. He says some inappropriate stuff wouldn't bother so much if he could take the hint that I'm not interested or that I'm done talking. He does this to a lot of people including my neighbor who's a guy without hitting on him of course.

I don't know what he said but he must've said something to creep the hell out of my neighbor. He usually goes on about his work while listening to this guy but about a few days ago I could hear him yelling at him "Leave me alone! Get out of here before I call the cops on you." I don't know what happened and I'm a little shy to ask but I crack up every time I think about it wandering if he made the same kind of dirty talk he did me.