06 May 2010, 2:59 pm
LostAlien wrote:
monsterland, I have firmly and politely told men that I wasn't interested, they persisted on trying to pick me up. In some situations me politely telling them I'm really not interested was reacted with them trying to inapropriately touch me. I've had to resort to physical violence at times. When I'm saying this, I'm not saying all guys are like this, I'm just saying that this happened to me.
I know! I never disagreed! In fact I have nothing against using physical violence in defense to being touched against your will!
Hell, I sometimes deal with annoying people who patronizingly pat me on the shoulder, by putting them into a joint lock
Quote:
I find being rude often-times makes sure that this kind of thing doesn't escalate.
That's what I said in my first post.
Quote:
I think hartzofspace wrote in response to you saying "... which is another, useless, extreme.". You were saying to try to be polite when many women have found that this has not stopped guys from pushing and being intrusive.
I was replying to a poster who appeared to be against my advice of saying NO, by complaining that this makes women cold to all men all the time. Either that, or they were justifying being a jerk to men all the time. This is why I said that, just like being nice all the time, it was another, useless, extreme.
Quote:
An example, I was in a Night-club. A guy asked me to dance. I said I wasn't interested. He said "come on". I say no. He said "come on" again. I shout no. He say why?. I say I have a bf (I didn't but was still trying to be polite). He leered at me and said well he isn't here. At this point I was really annoyed and still he tried until I was rude to him.
I've seen what happens with the "I have a boyfriend" line. It doesn't work on the aggressive types, because it is too passive. Like I said in my initial post, you can't be nice and say NO at the same time. It is ineffective.
Quote:
This has happened often enough that I will be really rude if I think a guy will act like this to me and perhaps I've hurt some guys feelings doing this but I don't like people (men or women) not respecting me and wasting my time.
Nothing wrong with that. You have to trust your intuition to spot the troublemakers, and use proactive avoidance.
06 May 2010, 4:22 pm
MissConstrue wrote:
I'm assuming that women are suppose to act sweet and nice just as society expects them to and pretend everything is ok while a guy can tell another guy to screw off if he's irritating him in a way that makes him feel uncomfortable. Just my observation as I don't see the same cold snobby term used for guys and believe me, I see a lot of them act like that >_<
Anyway I got a guy down the street who acts creepy but after knowing him for a while now, I realize he's head injured. Every time I go outside to do yard work or just to sit, he'll come by telling me what a looker I am (I'm not btw) and always asking me why I'm single. He says some inappropriate stuff wouldn't bother so much if he could take the hint that I'm not interested or that I'm done talking. He does this to a lot of people including my neighbor who's a guy without hitting on him of course.
I don't know what he said but he must've said something to creep the hell out of my neighbor. He usually goes on about his work while listening to this guy but about a few days ago I could hear him yelling at him "Leave me alone! Get out of here before I call the cops on you." I don't know what happened and I'm a little shy to ask but I crack up every time I think about it wandering if he made the same kind of dirty talk he did me.
Anyway I got a guy down the street who acts creepy but after knowing him for a while now, I realize he's head injured. Every time I go outside to do yard work or just to sit, he'll come by telling me what a looker I am (I'm not btw) and always asking me why I'm single. He says some inappropriate stuff wouldn't bother so much if he could take the hint that I'm not interested or that I'm done talking. He does this to a lot of people including my neighbor who's a guy without hitting on him of course.
I don't know what he said but he must've said something to creep the hell out of my neighbor. He usually goes on about his work while listening to this guy but about a few days ago I could hear him yelling at him "Leave me alone! Get out of here before I call the cops on you." I don't know what happened and I'm a little shy to ask but I crack up every time I think about it wandering if he made the same kind of dirty talk he did me.
Ahhh the equal opportunity creep, LOL. What type of head injury makes you a perv though? DO you think maybe he is using that as an excuse not to curb his unsavory behavior?
07 May 2010, 7:30 pm
monsterland wrote:
LostAlien wrote:
monsterland, I have firmly and politely told men that I wasn't interested, they persisted on trying to pick me up. In some situations me politely telling them I'm really not interested was reacted with them trying to inapropriately touch me. I've had to resort to physical violence at times. When I'm saying this, I'm not saying all guys are like this, I'm just saying that this happened to me.
I know! I never disagreed! In fact I have nothing against using physical violence in defense to being touched against your will!
Hell, I sometimes deal with annoying people who patronizingly pat me on the shoulder, by putting them into a joint lock
Quote:
I find being rude often-times makes sure that this kind of thing doesn't escalate.
That's what I said in my first post.
Quote:
I think hartzofspace wrote in response to you saying "... which is another, useless, extreme.". You were saying to try to be polite when many women have found that this has not stopped guys from pushing and being intrusive.
I was replying to a poster who appeared to be against my advice of saying NO, by complaining that this makes women cold to all men all the time. Either that, or they were justifying being a jerk to men all the time. This is why I said that, just like being nice all the time, it was another, useless, extreme.
Quote:
An example, I was in a Night-club. A guy asked me to dance. I said I wasn't interested. He said "come on". I say no. He said "come on" again. I shout no. He say why?. I say I have a bf (I didn't but was still trying to be polite). He leered at me and said well he isn't here. At this point I was really annoyed and still he tried until I was rude to him.
I've seen what happens with the "I have a boyfriend" line. It doesn't work on the aggressive types, because it is too passive. Like I said in my initial post, you can't be nice and say NO at the same time. It is ineffective.
Quote:
This has happened often enough that I will be really rude if I think a guy will act like this to me and perhaps I've hurt some guys feelings doing this but I don't like people (men or women) not respecting me and wasting my time.
Nothing wrong with that. You have to trust your intuition to spot the troublemakers, and use proactive avoidance.
I think you may have been misunderstood.
08 May 2010, 5:31 am
08 May 2010, 9:34 am
08 May 2010, 10:39 am
08 May 2010, 11:40 pm
Chronos wrote:
monsterland wrote:
If you don't cut them off clean, the other person feels a "yield", like they can "almost convince you", so they keep pushing. This happens when you say "no" with body language and tone that says "maybe" - because you're trying to remain polite.
Oftentimes, "NO" and politeness are at odds; you can't have your cake and eat it, too.
Oftentimes, "NO" and politeness are at odds; you can't have your cake and eat it, too.
Which is exactly why some women present themselves as cold, rude, and snobbish.
I have to agree with this too (even though I often come off like this anyway on accident). The one time in my life I had a strange male approach me, it was very uncomfortable. I spoke with him for a few minutes which was fine. But when he started asking for my number I gave him a firm no, nothing wishy-washy. As I got up and walked away, he persisted..."come on, just give me your number, don't you even want to be friends" etc, etc. He was a good example of a creepy guy in action
In response to the friend question I even said "no thanks, I don't want anymore friiends" or something and he started following me to the car! Being cold is necessary in some situations.
09 May 2010, 12:13 am
09 May 2010, 9:25 am
11 May 2010, 5:02 pm
11 May 2010, 7:44 pm
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