Aspie married to a maybe Aspie, expecting our first child...

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Belboz99
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06 Jun 2010, 12:36 am

Hey all,

Just thought I'd say "Hi" and see if you guys / gals had any advice on my current situation...

Basically, I met my wife before I was dx'ed with Asperger's. At the time, I thought it was very rare and unusual, as well as perhaps spooky / creepy to have met someone with as many similarities in traits, habits, hobbies, tastes, likes, dislikes, and background as we had.

We fell in love, and were married within 1.5 years of meeting each other. Now 2 years later and our first child is due for arrival in 3-6 weeks. To top that off, our financial status is in jeapordy, as she's been put on bed rest, and I just started a new job, a job I'm unsure if I can keep. We have no savings in the bank.


As far as the baby goes, we're both very excited, but I'm worried about the possible implications of my aspieness, combined with her sharing similar traits, and therefore possibly being an aspie as well. I'm concerned this child will be a full-out autie, and greater increase the financial strain we currently have.

As far as the job goes, it was supposed to be temporary to ride us over the 2 month window during which she'd be off work to deliver and care for the baby as well as recoup from the delivery. Unfortunately, now it's our primary source of income, 2 months too early, as she's been put on bed-rest, and therefore her income is toast for the next 3-4 months rather than 2.

The reason I'm unsure if I can keep the job? Well, on top of my usual quirks and such, I've been having seizures frequently, as well as GI problems. Neither of those are going to go over well on the production line. My job is pharmaceutical packaging, packaging pills into blister-packs, cartons, etc. Worse, I have not been dx'ed or really looked over thoroughly for the seizures, though not from a lack of effort on my part.

The seizures I've been having are typically partial, I remain conscious but unable to respond. This will happen almost every time I eat something with certain preservatives or food dyes, but also it happens at random on it's own.


Anyone here have any suggestions?

Thanks,
Dan O.



blueroses
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13 Jun 2010, 4:05 pm

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice to offer from experience, especially since I'm not a parent myself. But, I just wanted to wish you and your wife well with dealing with such a stressful situation.

Do the two of you have a support network? With all of the different factors involved I hope you have family or friends who can offer some help. Not necessarily financial help, so much as emotional support or pitching in when the the baby is brought home.



HopeGrows
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14 Jun 2010, 1:55 am

OP, I posted a thread some time in the last few months that contained internet links to sites that discuss how to pursue social security benefits if you're disabled. Just click on my user name and click on the "view all posts" link - you'll find it.

Obviously, I'm advising you to look at getting disability benefits for yourself (however that may not be all that helpful in the short term - disability claims can take a while to process). Did your wife have any short term disability insurance with her employer? If she did, she will qualify for those benefits after a 14 calendar day waiting period (she'll receive a percentage of her regular paycheck). Also, you may want to look into social security benefits for her, as well. (I can't really speak to how viable an alternative that is - but she is temporarily disabled due to the pregnancy.)

Also, look into outreach and services available to you in your town/township/county, etc. See if you qualify for food stamps (they use debit cards these days - no one will even know you're using them). Research your local Infant Welfare Society and see if they can help with delivery costs. Start with your town's social services department, and go from there. There are programs at many levels (local, county, state, federal) that may be able to offer you some assistance, particularly since you're trying to bridge a relatively finite and small financial gap.

(Obviously, if you have family, I recommend seeing if you can move in with them for a short while....but I'm assuming you would have already explored that option.) Good luck.


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DW_a_mom
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14 Jun 2010, 2:45 pm

The main thing to remember is that even if you had everything lined up perfectly before the baby came, life would disrupt it. Having kids is the perfect antidote to the idea that life can be controlled in any way, shape or form. You'll learn to go with the flow because you'll have to. It's a lot like getting on a roller coaster, and the best thing to do is close your eyes and enjoy the ride. Well, at least when there is a definitive action that can and should be taken ;)


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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).