Ever feel like your family don't care about your interests?
My mom and sister do not care about my special interests at all. My mom actually makes fun of me for loving Doctor Who and Torchwood so much. As long as I don't talk about them around her though, she leaves me alone. However, if I even mention anything related, my mom will say hurtful things. I try not to talk around her because I don't want my feelings to get hurt. I often feel like the internet is the only place I can be myself.
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"Have you never seen something so mad, so extraordinary... That just for one second, you think that there might be more out there?" -Gwen Cooper, Torchwood
My family don't care about my interests either, so I avoid talking about them. Even though I really want to, I know that if they say something dismissive I'll take it too personally and feel hurt... so I've learned its better to only talk about my obsessions if the person shows an interest (and even then I am hesitant to start, because I know I'll just go into a rambling monologue and have a hard time 'reeling it in').
On the other hand, they do try sometimes. Like my mom once said 'oh not this again' when I started trying to show her a clip related to my obsession, which to me was hurtful and a signal not to bring it up again. But the next time I saw her, she brought something up that was related, as a way to make conversation, and later let me show her some clips and was much more receptive. Since i don't talk to her very much normally I think she realised it was a way to connect with me and saw how happier I was to share my interests with her. But I guess it required some patience on her side.
I try to see it as a two way street - If I don't care about their interests, why would they want to listen to me bore them with mine? If I show an interest in them, maybe they'll be more receptive to my interests. That helps give me some perspective when I take their disinterest too personally.
I don't expect my family to care about WWII, Germany and Hogan's Heroes. Expecting them to do that is like my mum expecting me to grow up and be a woman, even though I identify as a very young male in his 20s. Those expectations are very unrealistic.
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Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?
About the only thing I can bond with my mother about is my interest in the 1970s. She's not a fan of the clothes from the era though, whereas I am. Everytime I see some 70s-style clothing I like she's all "why would you want to wear THAT?"
My little brother's getting into anime and I do enjoy talking about it with him though, so that's a plus.
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~Zinc Alloy aka. Russell~
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DX classic autism 1995, AS 2003, depression 2008
~INFP~
I have been trying for 7 years to find a hobby/interest that my parents would approve of and that interests me. I have so many things I would like to do, for example, gardening (too messy they say), art (pointless apparently), or maybe even sewing (it's too hard for you). After I'm done with schoolwork, there is nothing to do. Every single day I sit in my room, listening to music till I fall asleep. When I wake up I make tea and drink it, then go back to sleep. I wish I could do something important, but there's nothing I'm allowed to do. This has been my life for a long time now. I need help. ;-;
My family still don't care about my interests. Now that there's been a clash of cultures in my family for 5 years to this month, my mum really doesn't care about my interests. There was one time three years ago that I brought a library book over to my parents place to read. It was a book on Berlin. My mum asked me what I was reading. I showed her the cover instead of just merely telling her. She said, "Berlin....Eww." She doesn't know anything about Germany because she's afraid of that country because her dad was stationed in England during WWII. I don't know if Covid is a curse or a blessing. We're certainly having a long break from each other. I still phone her at least three times a week, being the bigger person.
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Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?
So does anyone ever feel this way, or am I just over exaggerating!
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I was born very creative and artistic...Sadly nobody in my immediate family fostered my talents...And i always felt invisible in my own home...I remember once when very little...Very excitedly, i showed my report card to my father--all straight As...And his response was: "I did not expect any less of you"...By the time i was graduating with honors, having ranked first academically in High School, my aunt practically had to force my parents to attend my commencement ceremony...No celebration for me...None whatsoever ...And that days photos clearly show that my parents did not want to be there...I overcame all that...I am NT, so i suppose it was the dynamics of my dysfunctional family... ...Anyway, i sympathize with your story...
funeralxempire
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It depends on which interest. My brothers and dad have all dabbled in playing instruments over the years; my dad is a big car buff; my brother is pretty interested in history although not to the extent I am.
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Watching liberals try to solve societal problems without a systemic critique/class consciousness is like watching someone in the dark try to flip on the light switch, but they keep turning on the garbage disposal instead.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う
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I absolutely love photography
funeralxempire
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Even if they think sewing is too hard, or art is 'a waste of time', do they just not encourage you or do they actively interfere? It's bad enough if they're discouraging but it's absolutely heinous if they actually prevent you from trying.
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Watching liberals try to solve societal problems without a systemic critique/class consciousness is like watching someone in the dark try to flip on the light switch, but they keep turning on the garbage disposal instead.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う
I only told her the truth.
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My Mom loves the Kinks...But her favorites were the Beatles...
I don't want my family to care too much about my special interests.
And I don't want my family bugging about it -- to me, it'll feel more intrusive than caring or encouraging.
They may inquire or request or support via providing something useful, but nothing more than that.
I thank the fact that most of my special interests does not manifests verbally.
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I used to run into this problem, but I learned a few things.
1) Take the initiative. It doesn't count as a real rejection unless you've directly expressed your wishes first, and then been shot down. For example you said;
Did you go to her and tell her "oh great you have art this year, well come to me anytime, I'd love to help you on your projects".? Ever see her working and go knock on the bedroom door and say "hey, can I help"?. Also consider that maybe she also has a talent for art, and didn't need that much help on her assignments, which are, after all, supposed to be created and completed by her.
2) A coin has two sides. What are your family members favourite interests? Do you go out of your way to participate in conversations about that with them? A lot of people will be put off if they go out of their way to talk about someone else's interests, but are never asked about their own in return.
Maybe your mom is interested in psychology, or social rights and justice, and that's why she can't appreciate people who treated other people badly - no matter how artistically talented they were.
[Think, Michael Jackson. Great music, slept with little kids. Not many people wanted to sing his praises.]
Same with your sister and dad. What do they love to do? Approach them, ask them to tell you a bit about it. Remember, if you can only give them five minutes of quality attention about their interest, don't expect more than five minutes in return.
3) Set an example . If they see you making an effort to relate to them, they might decide to make an effort to relate to you. Invite them in. Try "oh Mom, I just finished this new painting, would you come look at it? What do you think? Do you like it? What does it look like to you?"
4) Find like minds. If nobody's interested in talking about art in your current social circle, go join an art club, or get an art gallery membership. You'll find people there who are also seeking to find people to talk about art with.[b]
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Sorry for intruding...All wonderful advice above...Are you on the spectrum...???...From your writing, you appear to be NT ...Please clarify...Thank you...
Now though, my mum has gotten all excited because one of my special interests is something I could turn into an actual career. But for the first time ever, I have hidden the other main special interest, because the one I'm open about is bonobos and ape evolution, but the one I'm secretive about is ASDs (no one knows that's an obsession as it is only pursued on the internet, and I've hidden books I've bought.)
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No need to be secretive about ASD as your special interest...Nothing to be ashamed of...Quite the contrary, once you become an expert you can educate clueless NTs like me here in WP...Or you could start your own blog and generate some money ...Just a thought...
So ...
Remember that your family wants you to be happy and is pleased that you have found something that makes you happy.
To the extent they are able, they will want to share that interest, but some things may just not be bridgeable. Embrace the little corners they are willing to share, and try not to show frustration about the ones they just aren't grasping.
Remember that it is a two way street. My son has zero, and I am zero ability to show any enthusiasm for his sister's interests or mine or his dad's, so why does he expect us to show some in his? Ah, ours are lame, his are not ... but, the thing is, not to us. I'm just asking him to try, and definitely to keep the "lame" remarks to himself.
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Nice way to put it...Thank you...
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