Ever feel like your family don't care about your interests?
So does anyone ever feel this way, or am I just over exaggerating!
Oh yeah! Heck I'm twice your age, and I know exactly what you mean. When I was sixteen, I decided my passion was music. I got a lot of the same kinds of reactions and crap you describe and still do to this day. I was at my dad's a few months ago, and showed him one of my web pages, with a nine minute musical piece I wrote and mixed on it. All he said was, "Oh, you wrote that?" then walked out the room to get himself a drink and never came back in to hear the whole thing. Disappointing to say the least.
But I think there are two things going on in my case, either or both of which may being going on in your own too. I don't begrudge my dad anymore for it (my mother's not with us anymore), for a couple of reasons. First, he's half deaf, so maybe he can't hear the music so well. Second, and probably most importantly, like most Aspies, because it's my passion, I have talked his ear off so much about music, and my interest in it, he probably gets nauseous when I bring up the subject. We do, after all, tend to beat people to death with our favorite subjects. We don't mean too, but I know darned well I do it.
Get used to it, is all I can say. Though I sure don't care for your mother's remarks.
Keep this in mind too. I've been wondering about the likelihood my own parents had/have Asperger's. If they did, it would explain a lot of the disinterest. I'm not saying yours do, but it does tend to run in families, and their reactions seem all to familiar. Just something to think about.
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I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...
MONKEY
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Joined: 3 Jan 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,896
Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)
Over the years my family have had to put up with my obsessions and probably wanted to bang their head against a brick wall whever I mentioned them but pretended to look interested (and I fell for it).
Now though, my mum has gotten all excited because one of my special interests is something I could turn into an actual career. But for the first time ever, I have hidden the other main special interest, because the one I'm open about is bonobos and ape evolution, but the one I'm secretive about is ASDs (no one knows that's an obsession as it is only pursued on the internet, and I've hidden books I've bought.)
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What film do atheists watch on Christmas?
Coincidence on 34th street.
Or whatever I may like at a moment?
I'm always interested in hearing about other people's interests, so I don't see why it won't work the other way around. I wish NTs were more interested in people's individual interests.
My mom doesn't like to read, but she's always impressed when I read her book club assignment and summarize it for her my dad likes to read a bit, but he's slow and only reads mysteries/thrillers.
They don't really enjoy listening to me talk about my books or how they are sorted though.
They sometimes let me ramble about sea hares and sea slugs and moray eels and origami..
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"If you look deeply emough into any person's soul, you can see the emu within them struggling to get out. Actually, most people don't have emus in their soul. Just me." - Invisible Dave, Lady of Emus
This issue is really a struggle for me, as a parent. I really WANT to be interested in the things my son is but, really, I just am not. I have developed a certain level of interest, and enjoy sharing with him at that level, but the reality is I CAN'T ever feel about this stuff the way he does, or get into it at the level of detail he does. So, with something like WarHammer, even when we do talk about it, I've forgotten what the name of the forest is and he is face-palming at how I could have read the manual and forgotten it. It's frustrating for both of us, but he is slowly coming to understand that no one who doesn't share his mind exactly is going to remember what he remembers at the level he remembers it, and share the same intense passion. That understanding is really important, because it tends to make me want to chuck the effort altogether every time he gives me that shocked, "how can you not know this?" look. I don't, and I can't, and if we're going to share any little corner of an interest the simple fact must be accepted.
So ...
Remember that your family wants you to be happy and is pleased that you have found something that makes you happy.
To the extent they are able, they will want to share that interest, but some things may just not be bridgeable. Embrace the little corners they are willing to share, and try not to show frustration about the ones they just aren't grasping.
Remember that it is a two way street. My son has zero, and I am zero ability to show any enthusiasm for his sister's interests or mine or his dad's, so why does he expect us to show some in his? Ah, ours are lame, his are not ... but, the thing is, not to us. I'm just asking him to try, and definitely to keep the "lame" remarks to himself.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
MONKEY
Veteran
Joined: 3 Jan 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,896
Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)
So ...
Remember that your family wants you to be happy and is pleased that you have found something that makes you happy.
To the extent they are able, they will want to share that interest, but some things may just not be bridgeable. Embrace the little corners they are willing to share, and try not to show frustration about the ones they just aren't grasping.
Remember that it is a two way street. My son has zero, and I am zero ability to show any enthusiasm for his sister's interests or mine or his dad's, so why does he expect us to show some in his? Ah, ours are lame, his are not ... but, the thing is, not to us. I'm just asking him to try, and definitely to keep the "lame" remarks to himself.
You're son sounds like me
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What film do atheists watch on Christmas?
Coincidence on 34th street.
Boy does that sound like me and all my sons. I have my own special interests, and find it even more impossible. One is very passionate about certain games. The second he brings them up, all I can do is feign interest. He isn't fooled. He's told me he knows, but that he just likes to talk about them anyway.
_________________
I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...
I know they don't care about my core interests, and why should they? Any attempt showing interest would just come forward as half hearted and fake, I'd rather want them to be honest. I'm also thankfull nobody has appreciated my interests (honstly, I have more interests than most nts) because it made me realize that it can also be something personal which you don't share with others. I rarely do the monologue thing anymore and for me it's a sacrifice worth making. I must admit I love monologues and in the heat of the moment I don't really care if the other person is interested, but it's a real conversation killer.
I don't talk to them about them too terribly much, because I don't ask about their interests much in return. I just spout out random facts occasionally about something. They always support me in my interests, though. I'm very interested in animals and they have always allowed me to have a pet of some sort. They listen to me talk about stuff but usually it's something that flies over their heads so they just can't be that interested. Right now I think Schrodinger's Cat is the coolest thing ever, but they really just don't get it too well
OP-in my opinion, that is very rude of them. I can understand your sister and the homework thing (she might just not need help on homework/like to rush through it), but never complimenting your work or not appreciating a gift isn't kind (IMO).
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After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.
--Spock
My parents didn't understand all my interests, though my mom encouraged anything that seemed like "study" - even if it wasn't a topic that interested her. But she also involved us in her creative and other interests from the time we were little, so we learned to keep these things reciprocal.
If someone never shows any interest in what I love, though, and I can't find any interest in myself for what they love, I just basically don't connect with them as much. This is true of my brother and me. We're just 180 degrees from each other in interests, so the gap has widened as we've gotten into middle age. My sister and I still keep in touch because there are shared things like books and spiritual interests.
My husband and I have very different types of interest in the same things: cooking, music, politics. We also have interests that the other doesn't share at all. There was a time when he thought we had to share everything. So it turns out he's interested in the science of cooking and I'm more interested in simpler cooking and in pleasures related to food. But I give him a modicum of attention when he talks food chemistry, with the clear message that this isn't really me, but because cooking is an interest we share, I'm willing to listen for a while.
I've found it's easier to share interests that the other at least finds practical.
But if the topic or the depth doesn't appeal to the other, we've learned to leave it alone. Really this kind of need gets in the way of good relationships. Enjoy it for yourself, and allow others the freedom to not be interested, to enjoy their lives the way they wish.
Of course they don't; unless you're telling them something of popular opinion i.e. confirming something they've always believed, they honestly don't care.
Then they tell you "but you should care about this or that because it's of interest to everybody."
Thankfully, my room-mate is interested in my interests; to an extent has to be as he's my business partner, & my girlfriend's interested to a point.
Now that I am an adult by age standards, I have started realizing that not my family members or other people have generally are interested
in my interests,whether will it be about astronomy, video games or anime/manga. I used to talk about football but talking about any sport
is personally taboo to me and very irrelevent.
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