spacephrawg wrote:
Also I really am the only good thing in her life right now. Her home situation where she lives with her aunt and uncle is lousy; they are A-holes and are exploitative and verbally abusive and on occasion physically as well, even though they are senior citizens. She can't get her family to help her out because it always gets back to the aunt and the aunt will take it out on her. She has the resources to move out but is terrified of living on her own because of abandonment anxiety - her mom put her in a foster home when she was little because she got bored of having her and her sister around, not because the father was sexually abusing the older sister and might switch to the younger when she gets old enough, no: because she was bored. The mother got kicked out of the family for that.
Anyhow my girlfriend is now on meds and is doing extremely well as far as some aspects of being independent and functional goes. She is a wonderful person, unlike many who come through crappy experiences like this. I am extremely lucky to have her in my life.
I'm afraid that if I break off the engagement, it will be the end of the relationship. Also she is just so good to me that to loose her would be a disaster. I refuse to exploit her and always reciprocate her kindnesses. When I am with her my interest is a little more present.
I am afraid also that if I were to end the relationship, she would kill herself. Seriously. I am the only good thing in her life right now. The only thing!
What the hell do I do?!
OK spacephrawg, I have left certain aspects of your post in the quote above, namely the issues she has with her family. This can put stress onto any relationship, no matter how wonderful your girlfriend seems to be. Have you considered that seeing her as distressed as this might make you feel stressed and pained and what affect this might have on you? This can have effects on feelings of love that can be mistaken for it as being diminishing as you are unconciously focused on the stress the situation may be causing you. But then, if it does stress you out or upset you, it is a sign that you do indeed care for her.
Also, is your relationship very samey? Is there perhaps an element of boredom there? Because if there is, it can be remedied by altering things slightly (I will leave that up to you and her as it's not my relationship). This can also be mistaken for dwindling love.
If either of these are the case or part thereof, then you need to see if you can address these to make your relationship work. From your post, I got the feeling that you didn't want to lose her, because if you did, you would have split up with her by now. However, what I will say to you is this: if it is none of the above or there are no other problems and you truly aren't feeling it with her anymore, then maybe you should let her go so she can be with someone who will love her in return.
I will agree with some of the others who have posted here though: do not make a hasty decision on it. Really think about it before you act.
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The only person in the world that can truly make you happy is yourself.
05 Aug 2011, 6:52 am
