Where I stand.

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I notice there's a divide in the WP Love and Dating community concerning my posts, especially as of recent. I want to clarify a few things, as tactful as I'm capable of (as most of you know, tactfulness isn't a specialty of mine.)

If I'm hard on the AFCs, or Average Frustrated Chumps, on this board, it's because I was you. 3 years ago, I couldn't even look my attractive female cousin in the eye or hold a conversation with her without stuttering. I still have a long way to go, but I'm on the right path to get to where I want to be.

Sitting here whining about not having a girlfriend isn't going to help you. Blaming women for not giving you a chance or blaming "the system" or "NTs" isn't going to help you.

I've essentially just become a more outgoing person with mild autism. I didn't sell out and start drinking crappy alcohol or listening to top 40 or going to parties. I still have my weird interests (80s and 90s TV shows) but I've also become someone that a woman might want to get to know and someone that can hold a conversation.

No one is saying to be someone who you aren't. But the important thing to realize is that this shy/unconfident version of you isn't really you. It's just a victim's body you've fit yourself into because you don't know any better.

If you want a girlfriend, and it's truly what you want, you have to research social dynamics and how to communicate with women like it's your second job. In the meantime, you have to practice talking to anyone and everyone...old people, not-so-attractive women, everyone. When you're not doing that, you should be finding a way to be your core self but also be more interesting at the same time. For example...I like classic rock...instead of just listening to it...I joined a classic rock band and have gigs lined up.

I'm still sub-par compared to NT standards...but I've overcome as much of the Aspergers as I can and people don't even know there is something wrong with me (other than shallow, judgmental late teen/early 20somethings who judge people by any minor difference they might have.) But I rarely see anyone in their mid 20s and up making fun of me, when before it was a daily occurrence.

I think it's that people smell fear...and they prey on it. I essentially just look at myself as "anyone else" in public. I'm still admittedly nervous in the company of people younger than 22ish...because I know how judgmental they can be...but that's more on them than it is on me or you. It's that they haven't grown up yet.

Also, you might not want to hear this, I know I didn't even as early as a few months ago...but true love usually just happens on its own. You can't force romantic interest on a woman. You can temporarily make a woman interested in sleeping with you if you act the right way...but you can't make a woman fall in love with you.

So if I come off as harsh, it's because while I'm still a work-in-progress, I've studied and applied this stuff for a while now, and learned that the AFC mindset gets you nowhere.

Chumps? Isn't that a little offensive?
No one exists on a higher plane of elitism - we are all children on this Earth, doing our own thing.
I don't think it's as simple as whining is it? People are complex beings with highly complex emotions, and aspies are very, very complex.
Good for you for becoming a more outgoing person if that is what you want - sure then that's good.
No one should, however, preach that their way is the only way.
I'll admit I do somewhat dislike the system, but I also won't try to live up to the standards of NT's and I'll live how I want to live.
Why are you sub-par? Do you believe that being social rules the day? None of us are sub-par, and we are not living in a world for NT's - we are living in a world for everybody. Neither you, I, or anyone else here is sub-par to anyone.
Well yeah love isn't exactly a walk in the park.

I appreciate your attempt at explaining yourself, and your attempt at helping those who dont seem to be productive enough to go and and do something about their problems.

But please keep in mind, just like you and I are still learning how to become more outgoing, there are many here who are doing just the same, learning, growing. Everyone goes at their own pace.

Let it be known not to be afraid, and accept the challenges of life and social problems ahead of each of us here on wrongplanet.

I think Ive overcome a lot of AS symptoms as well, but we all stutter on it sometimes.

Complaining does no good though and I know from experience. Complaining isn't going to make a girlfriend magically appear.

I'd also venture to say that if a lot of the guys on here were happier with their lives and themselves, a girlfriend wouldn't mean as much to them.

I even had a guy on here say that he's afraid to be happy because if he's happy he won't want a girlfriend anymore.

i does depend from person to person.

complaining does help, on at least one level. relieving stress. Getting out your frustrations and having people sympithize feels good.

What is important is to not lose sight of becoming proactive.

Im happy with myself. I just would like another person around to share it with

We're talking about Toad...and you know him when it comes to love.

Foreveryoung, I think you did a better job of explaining your position in a nice way this time, minus the "chumps" part.

Personally, I didn't use your approach, but I have a great life now anyway.