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biostructure
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26 Jul 2010, 9:30 pm

One problem it seems I run into is that there is a real lack of eager women out there--you know ones who can't wait to do something with a guy. And I don't mean sex, I mean just getting together to have coffee, go for a walk, etc. Women just don't come on that strong, even if they sound interested and know I'm interested, and that really disappoints me. I have a kind of racing mind that just wants to get somewhere! ! I think that's like 2/3 of the reason I don't do well with small talk. I don't like feeling I have to hold back just to match women's snail-pace way of getting to know guys.

It's one of the reasons why I think a woman with hypomania may be a total godsend.



Moog
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27 Jul 2010, 4:12 am

Maybe you aren't doing anything that inspires eagerness in them?


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AngelRho
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27 Jul 2010, 10:14 am

biostructure wrote:
One problem it seems I run into is that there is a real lack of eager women out there--you know ones who can't wait to do something with a guy. And I don't mean sex, I mean just getting together to have coffee, go for a walk, etc. Women just don't come on that strong, even if they sound interested and know I'm interested, and that really disappoints me. I have a kind of racing mind that just wants to get somewhere! ! I think that's like 2/3 of the reason I don't do well with small talk. I don't like feeling I have to hold back just to match women's snail-pace way of getting to know guys.

It's one of the reasons why I think a woman with hypomania may be a total godsend.


I had the misfortune of attracting a girl like that. Maybe no hypomania, but she did have a strong need for constant stimulation.

A word of warning: That kind of girl, in my experience, will want CONSTANT attention. You want someone that needs to be entertained constantly. If you have a lot of money and a lot of energy, go for it. When I dated a girl like that, she nearly bled me dry. For my money, I need someone a lot more easy-going.



JLee50
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27 Jul 2010, 4:16 pm

I'm not into the obsessive / overly-clingy type myself, but whatever works for you dude..just try not to get in over your head. :P



biostructure
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27 Jul 2010, 7:25 pm

OK maybe I should clarify--not clingy, what I mean is anxious to get to know a guy to see if he is her type. Who wants to get a few dates underway really early, but then keeps the pace similar once you get to know each other.

Women often are really tentative at the beginning, and need a lot of prodding to go on the first few dates, or else a lot of waiting. Getting them to return emails, phone calls, etc. is a really unreliable thing, and you never know where you stand. But then (as I understand from talking to men who've actually gotten there), women tend to become very clingy once you've gotten to know each other.

What I'm talking about wanting is the opposite of that--women who are very eager to get back to you and establish communication in the beginning to get to know you, but then once you have kind of established who each person is and where everyone stands, become more laid back, or at least keep up that medium pace.



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28 Jul 2010, 7:56 pm

Might be because with that kind of eagerness it is really easy to attract men that will abuse you/stalk you/not take no for an answer. Also more even-minded guys will probably think she is always going to be like that/that she's hiding more crazy/gonna cling for her life. You are basically asking for a personality type that wears her heart on her sleeve - you simply can't trust people and get attached to them that quickly. I know you're only mentioning 'eagerness', but "heart on your sleeve/the next guy might be the one"idea is really what that stems from.

My point is reality will cure such a disposition real quick.



biostructure
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29 Jul 2010, 8:51 pm

Yasmine wrote:
Might be because with that kind of eagerness it is really easy to attract men that will abuse you/stalk you/not take no for an answer. Also more even-minded guys will probably think she is always going to be like that/that she's hiding more crazy/gonna cling for her life. You are basically asking for a personality type that wears her heart on her sleeve - you simply can't trust people and get attached to them that quickly. I know you're only mentioning 'eagerness', but "heart on your sleeve/the next guy might be the one"idea is really what that stems from.

My point is reality will cure such a disposition real quick.


I often think that a lot of the behaviors in women that are hard for me to understand come from them having been shaped far more by the reality of relationships than I have been. For us guys, often the only reality we see is that women are disinterested in us, nothing more specific than that. But even the most clueless women seem to be a lot more in a position to actually experience relationships, and therefore get a clearer picture of how everything works, so they are not as clueless anymore.

Of course, there are downsides to being constrained by reality, and I am very grateful that I have been able to be in my head most of the time. I don't know if I were a woman how different it would be.

Oh, and what you're talking about might not come from an idea "the next person could be the one", it could come from a pressing need to get dating experience.



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29 Jul 2010, 10:47 pm

I think in this case its more the fact people just can't be bothered doing stuff. I've been asked to do stuff and intend to but other/important stuff gets in the way or I just can't be bothered.

The only way I really got anywhere with someone was when I went out every friday night anyway and he did too, and I had to look at him all day for a month.


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Ferdinand
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29 Jul 2010, 10:48 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
The only way I really got anywhere with someone was when I went out every friday night anyway and he did too, and I had to look at him all day for a month.


Hurp.



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29 Jul 2010, 11:03 pm

yeah, theres eager...and then there's bat-excrement insane/possessive. Weeding these out could be a problem.



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30 Jul 2010, 5:14 pm

Well, I'm not eager to get to know guys quickly because of terrible experiences before. Cheaters, abusers, etc. That's why I prefer to be more cautious. A "better safe than sorry" type of mentality.