Self-centredness and being pedantic - what do they mean?

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LOL Yeah. I realized that sentence was off, but was too distracted to fix it. I'm not pedantic. Much...

Hey, thanks for all your responses. They were all interesting.

There are very few people who call me selfish, and a few people who actually think I'm the opposite. However, almost everyone agrees that I am self-centred. Why? I don't know, if many of you are correct and being self-centred is so similar to being selfish or exactly the same thing. But, the way I take it from people, I think they're right about me being self centred. I will do things for others, really for others not just to my own ends or to get something back, and I try to consider others' feelings in everything I do. The problem is that I tend to catastrophize and blame myself for things which are clearly, clearly, not my fault. I also tend to get paranoid, which I have been told is usual for people who are self-centred. I think that people are turning against me when they're really not and am constantly asking "have I done something wrong?" This tends to get people frustrated and they tell me, quite rightly, that the world does not revolve around me! The only thing is that I don't want the world to revolve around me at all and I actually ask for very little of other's time, attention, material things etc. Is this self-centeredness? I think so, just not in its worst form.

Yes, I can see how being pedantic can be irritating. Unfortunately, words are very important to me so if someone misuses a word it almost physically makes me wince. I take a lot of time to choose my own words because of this. One of my most irritating habits is reading something nice someone has written and automatically correcting all the spellings. I have tried to keep this in check but sometimes it just comes out! I'll continue trying not to act pedantic even if my brain continues to stubbornly be pedantic, I guess. Except that when people say "STOP it! You know what I mean", this occasionally frustrates me, as in some cases I don't actually know what they mean until they use the correct word. I guess at these times I have to stop and think what they actually do mean. But what do you think of this conversation here?

Me: well, never say never.
Other: Interesting saying, that one, seeing as you're actually saying never twice.
Me: Ok, fair point; never condemn something to never happening, maybe?
Other: Hello, president of the pedantic society!

Lois, I find this meatloaf shallow and pedantic.

I would say it's the other person being pedantic in that conversation. You were merely revising what you said to fit their nit picking.

Great episode.

EXCELLENT Peter Griffin quote. I like

Rosiemaphone, I think the reason many people with Asperger's find the whole selfish/self-centred confusing is because other people misuse these terms all the time. These words often get used to manipulate non-selfish people by selfish people. Also a lot of people use them interchangeably and don't know the difference themselves. So they may say you are being selfish when really they mean self-centred or vice versa.

To my mind, a selfish person doesn't care about the needs/feelings etc of others whereas a self-centred doesn't think about them.

For example, there is 1 piece of cake left. The selfish person will take it for themselves. The don't care whether anyone else wanted it or not. They may even know that someone else wanted it, but they took it anyway. And they won't share it.

The self-centred person may also take it for themselves. It doesn't occur to them to see if anyone else wanted it. They would have let someone else have it or shared it if they had known.

The self-centred and selfish person would also have just taken the cake. It wouldn't occur to them to see if anyone else wanted it. But if it had, they would have still taken it anyway.

Everyone is probably a little of both at times, depending on the circumstances and who they are dealing with.

As for being pedantic, I think that people find it belittling to have others point out there minor faults. Whether intended or not, it is a way of putting them down and that's not nice. And as a wise person once said, 'it's better to be kind than right'.

Saying that, I'm an olympic standand pedant and have to repeat that phrase over and over to myself. I've even written it in my diary so that I don't forget it. On the other hand, I've just changed career track and am studying law. Then I'll get paid to always be right.

I can be pedantic over some things but I try not to be. Several reasons.

One, I have many language problems myself. And as someone who has to work really hard to get words out, I hate when people correct me. It can make it impossible for me to communicate at all, because if I think about it, then I lose all words altogether. (Even worse when I used to speak, because my speech was sometimes in one or more dialects that pedantic people thought sounded "uneducated".)

Which brings me to the other reason -- most pedantry has snobbery at its root even when the person doesn't mean it to. Why? Most "correct" forms of language are simply rules agreed upon by an elite. The rest of the world then becomes "incorrect".

Spelling was not standardized in the English language until very recently in history. Before that, people spelled things every which way, and often in far more (today) nonstandard ways than people who simply "misspell" a word today. If you want to be able to read anything older than that time period, you have to get used to a variety of spellings that seem very strange by today's standards. (And some of today's "silent letters" come amusingly enough from spellings carried over from a time when those letters were not silent. So today's "correct spellings" come from spellings far more phonetic than they are today, and yet if people today spell those words like they sound, then suddenly they're "misspellings".)

Then there's standardizations of grammar and word use. Those are pretty much always simply the rules of the dialect that has the most dominance in the society in question. All other dialects, including ones that may even be more common than the standard one, become "incorrect". So then when you're "correcting" people's grammar or word use, most of the time you're essentially going "My dialect is better than yours, nyah nyah nyah." Which isn't very nice when you look at it that way. And how would you feel if someone were correcting your every other word because it wasn't accurate in some obscure dialect you'd never heard of?

Yes, there are things left over that could really be seen as incorrect spellings or grammar even within nonstandard usage or dialect or whatever. But still, like another poster said, it's better just to clarify what someone means than to correct them. Because at that point what it feels like to them is that you're calling them stupid. This goes double if they're doing it because they're dyslexic or have other language difficulties. (And no you can't tell just by looking, or even by asking, because not all language problems are known by the person who has them.)

Thanks, Anbuend. I see what you mean about the whole language evolution thing and dialects. Actually, dialects don't bother me, I tend to pick up a few of them and mix them into my own, just for fun. All that bothers me is when someone puts a word into a sentence which I think is the wrong one or not precise enough. The main thing I'm going to take from what you wrote, though, is "Because at that point what it feels like to them is that you're calling them stupid." I never intend to appear superior or come across as insulting people's intelligence, as I have always said intelligence comes in many different forms. It's almost an automatic reaction to correct people's word use for me, BUT I now know I need to keep that in check, because I don't want to make anyone feel stupid.
Thanks again.

Oh, and MotherKnowsBest, thanks for your point too. Sometimes my self-centredness may be just that. Maybe not the piece of cake scenario but in other situations, because I still sometimes find it difficult to put myself in another's shoes. So, if I'm doing something, sometimes it doesn't occur to me that this will affect others as if someone else did this, I would not be affected by it. Nonetheless, once I do realise an action of mine may cause upset for another, I make sure not to do it again, making it one of my "rules." Unfortunately, though, I find it hard to tell whether another person is being unreasonable so I tend to over-generalise and use a general rule that "I am wrong, the other person is right." Obviously this does not extend to the extremes - I would never hurt or bully or kill or steal from someone just because another told me to. But nowadays, if I make a decision, it's usually to do with whether it will hurt anyone else, or what people would prefer me to do, and if what other's want will make me unhappy, I often do it anyway.

Just what I was thinking.


As far as correcting others, basically, usually, people don't like to be corrected. And, it's like, when I've an urge to correct someone, I have to weigh that against the need for correct information.

If it's a grammar/spelling thing, basically, I don't correct, unless is the very rare situation where I think the person would actually welcome it. If I'm not entirely sure what they meant, I may ask, but even then, only if I have need to know.

Also, language use is an area where a lot of people have strongly held opinions that something is wrong, even though it isn't.

I figure, basically, anything I say is going to be unwelcome by the writer, so, basically, I generally don't, unless it's important for understanding and it's a discussion I want to participate in.


As far as facts, here there's somewhat more likelyhood of someone appreciating being corrected. Still, though, it's like, I consider whether saying "no, that's not right" makes a difference.

On can also take the humble approach. Like, instead of, "no, that's not right", one can say or write something like "I understood...", "I thought...", "My understanding is...". Like, don't say they're wrong, just say your opinion or understanding is different.

i hate pedantic people (which is ironic considering i have AS) i have one friend with AS whose obsessive & pedantic ways irritate the f**k out of me. I can be obsessive & self centred too, but whatever... i'm a hypocrite