Women, is a guy creepy if he hits on you and don't like him?

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JohnisBlind
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05 Aug 2010, 3:35 pm

I have heard this before. Is it it true? It seems like a self-defeating belief.



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Aug 2010, 3:45 pm

One more hit on thread and the Boo's gonna hit you bad.



hale_bopp
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05 Aug 2010, 4:24 pm

Absolutely not.

I've had plenty of non creepy guys hit on me, and there is nothing wrong with them, I just wasn't interested.

Creepy is a vibe.



curlyfry
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05 Aug 2010, 4:50 pm

The only time I thought it was creepy was when I was approached in a parking lot at like 10:30 at night. The guy said I looked good to him and would I be interested. I was polite and said I was busy and he left.



Janissy
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05 Aug 2010, 5:05 pm

curlyfry wrote:
The only time I thought it was creepy was when I was approached in a parking lot at like 10:30 at night. The guy said I looked good to him and would I be interested. I was polite and said I was busy and he left.


That is the very definition of creepy. My heart would be pounding with fear after that one.



Janissy
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05 Aug 2010, 5:08 pm

Back to the question: No it's not creepy if I'm merely not interested.

Creepy has two main components: If either of these is present, it's creepy. If both are present, she's reaching for the mace.

1)does not accept "no"

2)does the "hitting on" when a woman is isolated, far from help. See curlyfry's example.


Of course since I'm middle aged, I only get hit on by elderly men, which removes the whole "possible predator" angle and so is almost cute. But the things that creeped me out when I was 25 will creep out women today too.



Last edited by Janissy on 05 Aug 2010, 5:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

JohnisBlind
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05 Aug 2010, 5:10 pm

curlyfry wrote:
The only time I thought it was creepy was when I was approached in a parking lot at like 10:30 at night. The guy said I looked good to him and would I be interested. I was polite and said I was busy and he left.


Are men usually that direct about sex? Or was he asking for a date? Thats why I keep asking these questions about how to hit on somebody.



Janissy
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05 Aug 2010, 5:23 pm

JohnisBlind wrote:
curlyfry wrote:
The only time I thought it was creepy was when I was approached in a parking lot at like 10:30 at night. The guy said I looked good to him and would I be interested. I was polite and said I was busy and he left.


Are men usually that direct about sex? Or was he asking for a date? Thats why I keep asking these questions about how to hit on somebody.


"You look good" is crass and overly direct. No. Most men don't aren't that direct. But that's not actually the biggest problem with that scenario. The biggest problem is that it was 10:30 at night in a parking lot. "Nice weather we're having" would be enough to make me head the other way in that context. Approaching a woman who is alone in a large, isolated place where she can't easily get help and it is night is predatory behaviour.

If you are looking for "hitting on" rules, here's an ironclad one: only hit on a woman when she is in a place where she can be easily seen by others or easily make an escape. To do otherwise is to put her on red alert for predation.



hale_bopp
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05 Aug 2010, 5:25 pm

Janissy wrote:
curlyfry wrote:
The only time I thought it was creepy was when I was approached in a parking lot at like 10:30 at night. The guy said I looked good to him and would I be interested. I was polite and said I was busy and he left.


That is the very definition of creepy. My heart would be pounding with fear after that one.


I wouldn't call that creepy. I would call that frightening.



Yasmine
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05 Aug 2010, 5:28 pm

no



JohnisBlind
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05 Aug 2010, 5:32 pm

Janissy wrote:
JohnisBlind wrote:
curlyfry wrote:
The only time I thought it was creepy was when I was approached in a parking lot at like 10:30 at night. The guy said I looked good to him and would I be interested. I was polite and said I was busy and he left.


Are men usually that direct about sex? Or was he asking for a date? Thats why I keep asking these questions about how to hit on somebody.


"You look good" is crass and overly direct. No. Most men don't aren't that direct. But that's not actually the biggest problem with that scenario. The biggest problem is that it was 10:30 at night in a parking lot. "Nice weather we're having" would be enough to make me head the other way in that context. Approaching a woman who is alone in a large, isolated place where she can't easily get help and it is night is predatory behaviour.

If you are looking for "hitting on" rules, here's an ironclad one: only hit on a woman when she is in a place where she can be easily seen by others or easily make an escape. To do otherwise is to put her on red alert for predation.


He asked if you would be interested? How did he phrase that? Did he say something along the lines of "i want to go out with you on a date, would you be interested?"



Janissy
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05 Aug 2010, 5:47 pm

JohnisBlind wrote:
Janissy wrote:
JohnisBlind wrote:
curlyfry wrote:
The only time I thought it was creepy was when I was approached in a parking lot at like 10:30 at night. The guy said I looked good to him and would I be interested. I was polite and said I was busy and he left.


Are men usually that direct about sex? Or was he asking for a date? Thats why I keep asking these questions about how to hit on somebody.


"You look good" is crass and overly direct. No. Most men don't aren't that direct. But that's not actually the biggest problem with that scenario. The biggest problem is that it was 10:30 at night in a parking lot. "Nice weather we're having" would be enough to make me head the other way in that context. Approaching a woman who is alone in a large, isolated place where she can't easily get help and it is night is predatory behaviour.

If you are looking for "hitting on" rules, here's an ironclad one: only hit on a woman when she is in a place where she can be easily seen by others or easily make an escape. To do otherwise is to put her on red alert for predation.



He asked if you would be interested? How did he phrase that? Did he say something along the lines of "i want to go out with you on a date, would you be interested?"



You are missing the point.

The problem is not his exact wording. The problem is that it was 10:30 at night in a parking lot. If you approach a woman when she is alone, isolated and far from any possible help and it's night...you are acting like a possible rapist. It really doesn't matter what you say.

And don't you dare say,. "that's not fair". Self preservation is very fair.



JohnisBlind
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05 Aug 2010, 5:51 pm

Janissy wrote:
JohnisBlind wrote:
Janissy wrote:
JohnisBlind wrote:
curlyfry wrote:
The only time I thought it was creepy was when I was approached in a parking lot at like 10:30 at night. The guy said I looked good to him and would I be interested. I was polite and said I was busy and he left.


Are men usually that direct about sex? Or was he asking for a date? Thats why I keep asking these questions about how to hit on somebody.


"You look good" is crass and overly direct. No. Most men don't aren't that direct. But that's not actually the biggest problem with that scenario. The biggest problem is that it was 10:30 at night in a parking lot. "Nice weather we're having" would be enough to make me head the other way in that context. Approaching a woman who is alone in a large, isolated place where she can't easily get help and it is night is predatory behaviour.

If you are looking for "hitting on" rules, here's an ironclad one: only hit on a woman when she is in a place where she can be easily seen by others or easily make an escape. To do otherwise is to put her on red alert for predation.



He asked if you would be interested? How did he phrase that? Did he say something along the lines of "i want to go out with you on a date, would you be interested?"



You are missing the point.

The problem is not his exact wording. The problem is that it was 10:30 at night in a parking lot. If you approach a woman when she is alone, isolated and far from any possible help and it's night...you are acting like a possible rapist. It really doesn't matter what you say.


I agree. You are misunderstanding my question. I am trying to get a grasp of the specifics of "hitting on" Which nobody will tell me because apparently they all think it is super obvious.



Janissy
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05 Aug 2010, 5:57 pm

JohnisBlind wrote:
Janissy wrote:
JohnisBlind wrote:
Janissy wrote:
JohnisBlind wrote:
curlyfry wrote:
The only time I thought it was creepy was when I was approached in a parking lot at like 10:30 at night. The guy said I looked good to him and would I be interested. I was polite and said I was busy and he left.


Are men usually that direct about sex? Or was he asking for a date? Thats why I keep asking these questions about how to hit on somebody.


"You look good" is crass and overly direct. No. Most men don't aren't that direct. But that's not actually the biggest problem with that scenario. The biggest problem is that it was 10:30 at night in a parking lot. "Nice weather we're having" would be enough to make me head the other way in that context. Approaching a woman who is alone in a large, isolated place where she can't easily get help and it is night is predatory behaviour.

If you are looking for "hitting on" rules, here's an ironclad one: only hit on a woman when she is in a place where she can be easily seen by others or easily make an escape. To do otherwise is to put her on red alert for predation.



He asked if you would be interested? How did he phrase that? Did he say something along the lines of "i want to go out with you on a date, would you be interested?"



You are missing the point.

The problem is not his exact wording. The problem is that it was 10:30 at night in a parking lot. If you approach a woman when she is alone, isolated and far from any possible help and it's night...you are acting like a possible rapist. It really doesn't matter what you say.


I agree. You are misunderstanding my question. I am trying to get a grasp of the specifics of "hitting on" Which nobody will tell me because apparently they all think it is super obvious.


Ok. Let's take it out of the context of this specific incident.

You only ask somebody out on a date if you already know them. Much as I loathe Neil Strauss and "The Game" and all that Pickup Artist blather, it does give you the specifics that you are looking for. Somebody did in fact post that book title to you. Read it. Also read the Datasage stickied thread at the top of this forum. It degenerates into a war of the sexes (which I participated in to some extent, as you will find out if you read it), but the beginning of the thread is pure specifics.



Yasmine
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05 Aug 2010, 5:59 pm

Hitting on is when you are giving out the vibes, or the woman is getting vibes that the reason you are talking to her is to get a date/sex. THis can be obvious by way of words - or not so obvious and more based on bodylangauge and how things are said. This is different from flirting witch is more based on a sense of humour and cheer and is friendlier. Flirting can also result in date/sex, but is a far more relaxed, friendly and "normal" thing. And more often than not completely innocent.



JohnisBlind
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05 Aug 2010, 6:10 pm

Yasmine wrote:
Hitting on is when you are giving out the vibes, or the woman is getting vibes that the reason you are talking to her is to get a date/sex. THis can be obvious by way of words - or not so obvious and more based on bodylangauge and how things are said. This is different from flirting witch is more based on a sense of humour and cheer and is friendlier. Flirting can also result in date/sex, but is a far more relaxed, friendly and "normal" thing. And more often than not completely innocent.


I find your distinction between hitting on and flirting very interesting.