11 Sep 2010, 2:14 pm
Hi I've made topics on here of my 10 year old sister being rude and that I highly suspect the 8 year of being on the spectrum. Today the 8 year old walked in front of a gentleman with a cane (who was old/having a hard time walking) and mom yelled at her OMG that was rude and disrespectful you shouldn't have walked in front of him etc. This made me think of the rudeness issue and social skills issues. Not knowing she was rude or did wrong and the socially appropriate behavior of respecting elders etc. With the school whining behavior this week from the 8 year old mom/dad made a deal good work/no whining Ice Cream on Friday.
It was an ok outing then the 10 year old dripped Ice Cream in the truck dad popped her leg and yelled at her for getting ice cream in the truck. 
I know you feel for my sisters and what they go through is wrong (What I've done isn't nice either but I've looked inward and would like to try to change my behavior) While my parents will have none of it. So instead of making another OMG 10 year old etc. was rude I thought you guys could give me some examples of your child being rude. What did he/she say what did you mom/dad/relative say in response? Yelling? Mom has been known to say "YOU MAKE IT WHERE I DON'T WANT TO TAKE YOU ANYWHERE!" Science and research tells you putting down a child doesn't help them psychologically but again my parents stick to there views. What are your views on your child's rudeness? Thanks WP and parents.
11 Sep 2010, 3:30 pm
11 Sep 2010, 3:46 pm
That's a good example. Yes my parents are of the you should "Know" variety and will not listen to reason. Oh well.
11 Sep 2010, 3:59 pm
That's a good example. Yes my parents are of the you should "Know" variety and will not listen to reason. Oh well.
I think most people just don't stop and think about it. I did and I decided I was going to stop assuming and also to ask my son politely to do (or not do) something and life is much more harmonious now. Now he is very polite and considerate right back at me.
It's simply a difference between TURN THAT TV DOWN!! ! and Would you please turn that TV down a little, honey? They take the same amount of time and effort to say and the results are very different. Maybe you could get your parents to agree to an experiment. Get them to try talking to your sisters calmly and politely for a few days and see what happens.
11 Sep 2010, 4:15 pm
11 Sep 2010, 6:14 pm
I have two examples of when my son has appeared rude. Both happened at church, after the service when people gather for tea and coffee and to chat.
The first example was when an elderly lady was talking to my son and he walked away from her while she was still speaking to him.
The second example was when a little girl was telling me that she was in her school choir and they'd won a prize at a city-wide music festival. My son was with me and he got angry and starting yelling that it wasn't fair that she got to do that and he didn't. He goes to a different school and wasn't in the choir although he wanted to be.
On both occasions, I apologised to the elderly lady and the little girl and her mother. All these people were kind and understanding and didn't make an issue about it. While on the way home in the car, when my son was calm and quiet, on both occasions I refered to the incident and asked my son what he understood/felt about what had happened. When he'd walked away from the lady he simply hadn't realised she was still talking to him. She had paused to draw breath! I explained why it seemed rude and asked him to think about how he would feel if someone walked away from him when he was talking to them.
The incident with the little girl and the choir was more complex as it related to a sense of injustice he had about not being included in his own school choir. I asked him to think about how he would feel if he was telling someone about one of his successes and they started yelling about how unfair it was that they didn't get to do that. I gave him time to think about it and suggested that when he'd thought it through he should tell me if he could see why the little girl and her mother might have been hurt or upset by his reaction to her good news.
On both occasions, once he thought about it and imagined himself in the position of the other person, he could see that his behaviour could seem rude and hurtful, upsetting or selfish.
This is the way my son and I usually deal with incidents of Aspie-related "rudeness" and it does seem to be effective as it involves a combination of me explaining how it appeared to the other person or an onlooker, then he thinks it through for himself and comes to an understanding of what happened. He can then suggest for himself how he could handle such a situation differently in the future. He also gets an insight into how his behaviour affects others.
11 Sep 2010, 6:22 pm
The first example was when an elderly lady was talking to my son and he walked away from her while she was still speaking to him.
The second example was when a little girl was telling me that she was in her school choir and they'd won a prize at a city-wide music festival. My son was with me and he got angry and starting yelling that it wasn't fair that she got to do that and he didn't. He goes to a different school and wasn't in the choir although he wanted to be.
On both occasions, I apologised to the elderly lady and the little girl and her mother. All these people were kind and understanding and didn't make an issue about it. While on the way home in the car, when my son was calm and quiet, on both occasions I refered to the incident and asked my son what he understood/felt about what had happened. When he'd walked away from the lady he simply hadn't realised she was still talking to him. She had paused to draw breath!
I explained why it seemed rude and asked him to think about how he would feel if someone walked away from him when he was talking to them.The incident with the little girl and the choir was more complex as it related to a sense of injustice he had about not being included in his own school choir. I asked him to think about how he would feel if he was telling someone about one of his successes and they started yelling about how unfair it was that they didn't get to do that. I gave him time to think about it and suggested that when he'd thought it through he should tell me if he could see why the little girl and her mother might have been hurt or upset by his reaction to her good news.
On both occasions, once he thought about it and imagined himself in the position of the other person, he could see that his behaviour could seem rude and hurtful, upsetting or selfish.
This is the way my son and I usually deal with incidents of Aspie-related "rudeness" and it does seem to be effective as it involves a combination of me explaining how it appeared to the other person or an onlooker, then he thinks it through for himself and comes to an understanding of what happened. He can then suggest for himself how he could handle such a situation differently in the future. He also gets an insight into how his behaviour affects others.
This sounds great and partly sounds like my mom but she uses this idea sparingly although it's a great one. How would you feel if X. Sitting down talking to the 10 year old for example but mom doesn't use the technique too often. It's good you use it and hopefully put it into practice a lot more than my mom LOL!
12 Sep 2010, 2:26 pm
That's a good example. Yes my parents are of the you should "Know" variety and will not listen to reason. Oh well.
I think most people just don't stop and think about it. I did and I decided I was going to stop assuming and also to ask my son politely to do (or not do) something and life is much more harmonious now. Now he is very polite and considerate right back at me.
It's simply a difference between TURN THAT TV DOWN!! ! and Would you please turn that TV down a little, honey? They take the same amount of time and effort to say and the results are very different. Maybe you could get your parents to agree to an experiment. Get them to try talking to your sisters calmly and politely for a few days and see what happens.
Kids have asked me why I talked funny and it always hurt my feelings because I thought they were making fun of me. I thought this because I was teased for how I talked so when someone asked a curious question why I talk funny, I just assumed they were making fun of me. Now I realize they probably weren't trying to be hurtful and they were just curious.
12 Sep 2010, 2:47 pm
12 Sep 2010, 8:22 pm
I was 32 and they hired a new girl at work. I went to shake her hand in greeting and discovered she had no right thumb. Shook the hand, new experience, no hesitation.
A few days later I was curious, so I asked out of the blue "So, were you born without the thumb, or did you do something stupid?"
Someone later imformed me that they were shocked about me asking her so rudely. So I turned around and asked the girl herself if I'd been 'rude or out of line'. She said no.
As for my reaction to the origianl post. Dude you're gonna have to make sure you take care of your sisters' self worth. They're gonna have bad self image with your parents cracking down on them so harshly. Usually there's at least one parent who's kinder. Sounds like both of those are unforgiving and unrelenting.
Yes with the 10 year olds rude mouth as always dad/mom both in the department store said get away from me I don't want to be around you if you're going to cry like that ( I believe but not sure) about dad yelling at her (although I didn't see it happen) through part of the shopping mom/dad shunned her. I fealt bad for her.
I honestly see her killing herself later on if my parents ways keep up. Sadly.
14 Sep 2010, 7:16 pm
18 Sep 2010, 7:05 pm
