Lonely by myself but unreal around others

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Amazing post Invader. Sums up my experience really well when I interact with other people and when I'm on my own.

The thing is, in N.T social rules there is a thing called our 'face'.

Western civilization give it no name, but many Chinese cultures call it "face".

To put it simple, it is the fact that we act different around certain people. The most obvious one is acting different in public, than how we would behind closed doors.

We put on a metaphorical "face" when leaving our house that truly hides who we are inside.

This probably explains your feelings of feeling "fake" when in public and socializing with others. You feel like you're acting. It's because you are putting on your face, wearing a mask that is hiding your true self.

N.T's seem to be able to easily deal with it and understand that we need to act very different depending on who we are speaking to.

Us Aspies however fail to understand this concept, and feel wrong/fake/unhappy from being "fake". We feel like we are acting.

I can relate to the OP. I feel very lonely while alone but actually hanging out with friends isn't all it's cracked up to be...at least emotionally fulfilling-wise.

I don't know how I did it, but, while I DO act very different in public then I do at home, I feel like I really am being myself at school. But I do feel like I have to put the extra effort in to appear normal/confident.

I dont know if you still get on, but ive been feeling the same way.i cant seem to think right when im around others. It feels like i have nothing to talk about with anyone and it sucks alot. Sometimes i just wonder if im actually even important...like does it even matter..do i even matter. Like i feel as if i have no social skills but at moments im very outgoing on rare occasions but most of the time i keep myself inside in my room because that is where i feel comfertable. Everytime i have to walk to the store i dread people and interaction...i feel im being watched every second and people are judging me because i might where a tank top or because i dont dress the sameway all the time...i keep headphones on so i dont have to talk to people. I feel alienated mostly and im trying to be social but when i have to walk out the door i dread it...talking with someone that i dont know is like what do i say...do i just agree all the time...i have no interest in talking about sports..more like what is my actual purpose...do i have any special gifts cause i feel like im a waist of life i get so depressed...angry...sad...then im happy for no reason at all...those days are rare and yet when they happen i feel ok and im centered. I used to write poetry...only when i was in love...now i dont feel like i can get close enough to someone because i am so closed off but yet if someone asks...ill answer. Im very open with people if its something i know or about simularities....even working i dont have anything in common with anyone....i used to be outgoing but ive always felt out of place...like im not really interested in people...that its hard for me to be myself because at times i lose myself...i have adhd and turret syndrome(not that bad) and i over think everything and even when im alone doing the slightest tasks seem out of reach...i feel alot like nothingness....i dont matter im nobody special...it is hard even to live...to want to wake up and say hey im gonna have a good day...yet i dont even walk out the door...when i talk to people..im not there with them..although i try to be..i cant seem to just be in the moment because i feel i have no real connection with anyone anymore. Even walking outside to get my garbadge cans feels alot because i will be seen by others.

Yeah, I find that I am not myself around others as well. This feeling increases when I am with more than one other person... the more people I am around, the less I feel like myself (with the exclusion of my family members). There have only been perhaps two people that I could be myself around - my boyfriend, and an extremely introverted friend of mine. I think the problem with other acquaintances or friends is that they were less interested in my own hobbies or opinions, and just wanted to talk about themselves.

I feel the same

I'm still around & relate/related to you Thelonelyroamer. It's not as bad as it used to be for me thou. I have a girlfriend I've been living with for the about the last 5 years & I do feel like myself around her. It helps that she's on the spectrum & we met on this forum. She kind of stalked my post awhile before she messaged me & I'm pretty open about myself on here. I guess that helped me fee like myself around her sense she already kind of knew the real me. I still don't really feel like myself when I'm out but I just kind of zone out & daydream until I have to interact with others. I do have ADD & am in my own world ALOT. I think some of that unrealness feeling was related to depression. I have struggled with a bad one in the past

I definitely feel this way too. Except I don't get that lonely very often any more. I was a naturally very solitary kid, and as I get older I am reverting to being that way more and more. When I am around people I would like to be able to open up and express myself and be understood and to have others open up to me. But, this usually doesn't happen. It seems like most people are going in different directions and maybe our directions line up momentarily and we connect a bit, but then we go off again in different ways. For me the unreal feeling seems like not having a way to help people understand my experience. I do feel like often I am experiencing the same situation in a different way from many of the people I am around, when I am around others. This may not actually be all that true -- it may just be my perception. But, I certainly have different goals and interests than a lot of people I am around, making it a bit hard to find common ground sometimes. Plus, I don't have great social skills at the moment. I think this feeling of being on a different planet in some sense makes me feel a bit unreal sometimes.

AS can be a lonely furrow to plow. Helping other people may be stressful, but is ultimately rewarding and relieves the isolation.