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sylbao
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05 Oct 2010, 1:41 pm

Hi girls,
I've always been attracted by women. But one day, my heart beat for a wonderful man. So romantic...
Except that I don't feel good. I miss women's bodies, softness and attention. That becomes worse and worse. I look at pictures on the web, I fantasy on loads of females around me, I'm becoming a sort of perv and I don't like it at all.
My boyfriend knows it and accepts it. He told me he wouldn't even be jealous if I had a relation with a woman.
But what could I do ? You know as an aspie I'm not confortable with normal social situations ; so how would I challenge this one ? "Hey girl, I have a boyfriend but let's make love !"
That may look stupid and superficial, but I'm feeling so bad...



buryuntime
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05 Oct 2010, 1:58 pm

sylbao wrote:
Hi girls,
I've always been attracted by women. But one day, my heart beat for a wonderful man. So romantic...
Except that I don't feel good. I miss women's bodies, softness and attention. That becomes worse and worse. I look at pictures on the web, I fantasy on loads of females around me, I'm becoming a sort of perv and I don't like it at all.
My boyfriend knows it and accepts it. He told me he wouldn't even be jealous if I had a relation with a woman.
But what could I do ? You know as an aspie I'm not confortable with normal social situations ; so how would I challenge this one ? "Hey girl, I have a boyfriend but let's make love !"
That may look stupid and superficial, but I'm feeling so bad...

I don't understand that standpoint. Why should gender matter? Cheating is cheating, unless it's an open relationship in which both sides could also be with other people of either gender.



sylbao
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05 Oct 2010, 2:00 pm

Listen, my boyfriend is free too. Anyway I haven't asked you about your principles, ok ?
I'm just looking for some help...



Aimless
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05 Oct 2010, 2:23 pm

buryuntime wrote:
sylbao wrote:
Hi girls,
I've always been attracted by women. But one day, my heart beat for a wonderful man. So romantic...
Except that I don't feel good. I miss women's bodies, softness and attention. That becomes worse and worse. I look at pictures on the web, I fantasy on loads of females around me, I'm becoming a sort of perv and I don't like it at all.
My boyfriend knows it and accepts it. He told me he wouldn't even be jealous if I had a relation with a woman.
But what could I do ? You know as an aspie I'm not confortable with normal social situations ; so how would I challenge this one ? "Hey girl, I have a boyfriend but let's make love !"
That may look stupid and superficial, but I'm feeling so bad...

I don't understand that standpoint. Why should gender matter? Cheating is cheating, unless it's an open relationship in which both sides could also be with other people of either gender.


Well, it sounds like her boyfriend is accepting of an open relationship. My view on adult relationships are anything is fine as long as the people are making conscious choices. I'm not against polygamy for example. People bring up the underage bride thing but that's really a different matter. Her boyfriend may be fine with her seeing other women but be content to have a sexual relationship with her alone.



buryuntime
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05 Oct 2010, 2:56 pm

sylbao wrote:
Listen, my boyfriend is free too. Anyway I haven't asked you about your principles, ok ?
I'm just looking for some help...

What does asking me about my principles have to do with anything? You're the one that posted. o.O



sylbao
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05 Oct 2010, 3:10 pm

@Buryuntime : I haven't posted to hear things like "cheating is cheating". If you just have nasty words, please keep away...
@Aimless : Thank you very much.



Stellar
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05 Oct 2010, 5:35 pm

I think you should do what you need to do to be happy. Let yourself be free :) I'm not sure how to help you find a lady to be with, but I wish you luck Sylbao.



buryuntime
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05 Oct 2010, 5:50 pm

sylbao wrote:
@Buryuntime : I haven't posted to hear things like "cheating is cheating". If you just have nasty words, please keep away...
@Aimless : Thank you very much.

They aren't nasty words. I was simply stating that the mindset of letting your partner have another partner as long as they are the same gender as your partner doesn't make much sense.



emlion
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05 Oct 2010, 6:25 pm

buryuntime wrote:
sylbao wrote:
@Buryuntime : I haven't posted to hear things like "cheating is cheating". If you just have nasty words, please keep away...
@Aimless : Thank you very much.

They aren't nasty words. I was simply stating that the mindset of letting your partner have another partner as long as they are the same gender as your partner doesn't make much sense.


Actually it does.
The main reason men don't like women to cheat (other than the obvious) is the fact it could lead to pregnancy > could lead to them bring up another mans child.
With a woman there is no danger of this.



IdahoRose
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05 Oct 2010, 6:40 pm

emlion wrote:
buryuntime wrote:
sylbao wrote:
@Buryuntime : I haven't posted to hear things like "cheating is cheating". If you just have nasty words, please keep away...
@Aimless : Thank you very much.

They aren't nasty words. I was simply stating that the mindset of letting your partner have another partner as long as they are the same gender as your partner doesn't make much sense.


Actually it does.
The main reason men don't like women to cheat (other than the obvious) is the fact it could lead to pregnancy > could lead to them bring up another mans child.
With a woman there is no danger of this.

Plus, it seems like most men think girl-on-girl is hot, so it would make sense for them to imagine their girlfriend in that situation.



Jaejoongfangirl
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05 Oct 2010, 6:45 pm

emlion wrote:
buryuntime wrote:
sylbao wrote:
@Buryuntime : I haven't posted to hear things like "cheating is cheating". If you just have nasty words, please keep away...
@Aimless : Thank you very much.

They aren't nasty words. I was simply stating that the mindset of letting your partner have another partner as long as they are the same gender as your partner doesn't make much sense.


Actually it does.
The main reason men don't like women to cheat (other than the obvious) is the fact it could lead to pregnancy > could lead to them bring up another mans child.
With a woman there is no danger of this.

Then it's not the main reason, is it? :P
I'm afraid I must agree with the offending post. But I don't think my opinion matters much - in the end it really is your partner's call and no one else's: if he's good with it, then whatever. As long as you're honest with him and you make sure that you're getting his honest opinion too.

I've personally never heard of a situation like this, so I don't really have any advice to give. Well, besides just to be sure to be totally honest with your guy if you want to keep him your main squeeze - he might have feelings about this that he didn't know how to express when you first sprung the info on this urge you have on him. Make totally sure he's fine with whatever you want/get out of this other relationship if you want to stay with him through it and after it.



happymusic
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05 Oct 2010, 8:45 pm

My husband and I had a girlfriend once. It was great and it wasn't cheating. Cheating's a value judgment because we all have different opinions of what it is.

If you want a gf, I have three words: uni versi ty

:P



sylbao
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06 Oct 2010, 11:44 am

About "cheating" : I repeat that my boyfriend is free too. Anyway I'm glad to see that there are also open-minded people here. Thank you !
About finding a lady... Well, I go to university since just a few days. Of course, I feel insecure and cannot think about talking to an unknown beautiful woman... But maybe that will get better. I guess there's no secret miracle...Uh... Come on, haven't you some social advices for this kind of situation ? What do you do, when you're attracted ? :)



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06 Oct 2010, 3:59 pm

Have you thought about asking your boyfriend for help? If he's more socially comfortable then it might pay off, plus it'll instantly let the woman know what she's in for and with who.



sylbao
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08 Oct 2010, 1:23 pm

Actually we tried. My boyfriend is worse than me in this kind of situation. He can't find his place, and that's very understandable... I'll have to manage this by myself.



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08 Oct 2010, 10:45 pm

Do you ever read Dan Savage's column? He writes a lot about open relationships, threesomes, etc. and seems to have a lot of good advice for people interested in making them work.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Sava ... id=5062346

(That's just the most recent column, I didn't pick it specifically or anything.)


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