Do you need a romantic relationship in order to be happy?

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ToadOfSteel
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13 Oct 2010, 8:02 am

Oh yeah, one more thing: I need a relationship so that I can feel loved. Right now, it really feels like nobody gives a s**t, and I have to stretch things out to make people even momentarily care about my existence. Friends and family have pretty much let me down there, but on the other hand it's not their fault... i'm the screwed up one.



Kaybee
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13 Oct 2010, 9:27 am

I can't answer the question directly, because I find happiness elusive regardless of relationship status. I can say that I am as okay with being romantically alone as I am with being alive (which you may take as you will), and have made a point to be so for long enough that I know I can be comfortable and content with living my life alone. That said, I believe it would be far preferable to have someone to share my life with, but only if it was a person with whom I could connect. A relationship for the sake of being in a relationship does not appeal to me on any level.

To answer the questions:
1. Sex I can live without and do. I would prefer not to, but it is not a primary motivator in my life. As for sexual satisfaction being received outside of a relationship, that is not something everyone is capable of finding satisfying (or remotely appealing/enjoyable).
2. Emotional support: I do well enough without. It would be wonderful but is not necessary.
3. Financial assistance: Irrelevant to the conversation.
4. Validation: I don't really understand. I have nothing in need of stamping.
5. What can a romantic relationship add to one's life? These things are mostly emotional and therefore difficult to quantify or explain logically.
-Being accepted totally for who you are, "quirks" and all. Loving someone for who they are, "quirks" and all.
-Someone to share your journey with. How you share it may vary from partaking in adventures together to intimate conversations to an understanding glance--the medium will undoubtedly vary from one couple to the next (and one day to the next) and is largely irrelevant.
-The security of knowing you have someone you can trust and rely on, should you need it. The pleasure of offering this security to a person you care about.
I'm sure there is more, but these are the ones that come to mind.


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hyperlexian
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13 Oct 2010, 10:13 am

Alla wrote:
Is there much that a romantic relationship can add to your life that would actually make it better? Even if there are a few nice things that go along with a relationship, are they worth it?

Alla wrote:
Are you in it for the sex? You can probably get the sex without being in a relationship

sex is better in a relationship. much, much better. i've done it both ways. so maybe it is possible to have it without the relationship, but the quality suffers.

Alla wrote:
Are you with someone because you need him/her to support you emotionally? Friends and family can do that?
my family is dysfuntional and friends jump ship after no more than 2 years, so that it defnitely not true for me. for some reason, i can make romantic love work in a way that i cannot do with friends or family. and i would not trade it.

Alla wrote:
Do you need someone to help pay part of your rent/bills? A roomate can do that.?

financial reasons are important when raising children.

Alla wrote:
Do you need validation that you are smart, beautiful, etc.? Again, family, friends, colleagues can do that.?

no, they can't. the level of validation from friends and family can never, ever approach the feeling that someone out there deeply, heartachingly loves you for being you.

Alla wrote:
Do, what would a romantic relationship add to your life that you can't eassily find in any other person or group of people?


all of the above. each item is improved by having a relationship. also, there is the aspect of doing these things for someone else. to really connect with someone on a relationship level is deeper than any friendship or family relationship i've ever seen. the man i am married to knows everything, really everything about me, and we are fully joined together in a perhaps inexplicable way. but it took years to get there.


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Asp-Z
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13 Oct 2010, 10:19 am

Looking at romance logically will always fail.



menintights
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13 Oct 2010, 12:02 pm

That's because there's nothing logical about romance.

Romance is an idea of how things are supposed to be like between two people who are in a (sexual?) relationship. It's an illusion, it's impractical, etc. It's also one of those things that seems nice on the surface but that turns out to be disturbing once you really sit down and think about it.

Quote:
financial reasons are important when raising children.


That's true, but then in a truly romantic relationship finance is NEVER a cause for concern. Come elope with me and we'll survive on love.



hyperlexian
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13 Oct 2010, 12:16 pm

menintights wrote:
That's because there's nothing logical about romance.

Romance is an idea of how things are supposed to be like between two people who are in a (sexual?) relationship. It's an illusion, it's impractical, etc. It's also one of those things that seems nice on the surface but that turns out to be disturbing once you really sit down and think about it.

Quote:
financial reasons are important when raising children.


That's true, but then in a truly romantic relationship finance is NEVER a cause for concern.


true, you are right. i was giving a further reason why i think a relationship can have an advantage over no-relationship.

menintights wrote:
Come elope with me and we'll survive on love.

that sounds like a wicked plan! heeheehee


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The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Oct 2010, 3:02 pm

Not really, but people usually can't be happy without it.



Moog
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13 Oct 2010, 3:19 pm

No.


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cmjust0
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13 Oct 2010, 3:54 pm

I'm the "talks too much" brand of whatever it is that's made me different my whole life, so being alone a lot can be kind of frustrating. I'm also a giving person, so to me, a good experience is usually made better when I can share it with someone I care about, and who cares about me.

On the other hand, there are also times when I've had good experiences made worse by virtue of having unfortunately been in the company of the wrong person. In those instances, I'd rather have been alone.

That last part sounds more obvious than it really is.. I know *lots* of people who'd rather be with somebody -- even if that somebody is wrong for them -- than to be alone.

That ain't me. :)



Angel_ryan
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13 Oct 2010, 4:08 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Oh yeah, one more thing: I need a relationship so that I can feel loved. Right now, it really feels like nobody gives a sh**, and I have to stretch things out to make people even momentarily care about my existence. Friends and family have pretty much let me down there, but on the other hand it's not their fault... i'm the screwed up one.


That's how my life feels right now



James0Zero
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13 Oct 2010, 4:55 pm

I can't really answer this question legitimately. Whenever I didn't have one I was fine. I wanted one but it wasn't an all consuming need. But when I finally got one... Wow I felt like holes in my soul I didn't know were there were filled. It felt incredible to feel love and give love. After that I never thought I could live without it.


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nthach
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13 Oct 2010, 5:45 pm

If I'm looking at it from the viewpoints of sex and emotional connections, yes.



hyperlexian
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13 Oct 2010, 7:03 pm

James0Zero wrote:
I can't really answer this question legitimately. Whenever I didn't have one I was fine. I wanted one but it wasn't an all consuming need. But when I finally got one... Wow I felt like holes in my soul I didn't know were there were filled. It felt incredible to feel love and give love. After that I never thought I could live without it.

+1 for this answer. sounds like an emotionally healthy psyche at work (i was never so stable or independent myself).


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Pistonhead
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13 Oct 2010, 7:04 pm

I would say 40% of my happiness comes from relationships. I can only be 60% happy by myself, a relationship can only make me 40% happy for any significant length of time. Probably half of that 40% comes from sex and all the physical aspects that I could technically get outside of a relationship. The 60% is cars and money though. I haven't had enough of that since I was 17.


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scott77
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13 Oct 2010, 8:06 pm

I've heard that happiness comes from within, and also that you must love yourself before you can love someone else. If you feel really lonely if you are not in a relationship, then yes, I would suggest trying to find a mate. Personally, I'm really shy, so I usually do better with meeting someone online first, then meeting in person a few months later if things go well.



PHISHA51
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13 Oct 2010, 8:23 pm

Sometimes romantic relationships don't bring happiness. Abusive relationships are the best example of relationships that don't bring happiness. If a person treats his/her partner like crap, then there should not have been a romantic relationship to begin with. Even if some do get into a relationship, their comes a time when they would want to be alone again and would push their partner farther away. If you saw the divorce rate in the US, it's about 50%. Best to show that not everyone is happy in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, relationships are good and I want one too. You just have to find the right person. That's all. Once you do, you will be happy.


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