Page 1 of 1 [ 14 posts ] 

ProfessaM
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 28

18 Oct 2010, 6:18 am

I recently just bawled my eyes out about my one and only "friend" who I'm not even sure is. I'm so lonely...............it hurts me so deeply. I get picked on by NT children all the time. I feel my friend doesn't genuinely care about me that much. My mum even said so, to the sound of the body language when she took me to the shopping centre with her. She's often with her other friends and practically is never with me! I don't quite understand why...................I'm just so confused with hurt. She does at times seem like she cares, but then often is seems she doesn't. When she's with her other three friends, I notice she's much more enthusiastic and willing to engage in conversation. However with me, she's much more quite and doesn't reply or say much. Today when I saw her, she didn't even glance at me when I was just half a metre away from her! Normally, in class she isn't even willing to make a proper converstaion with me. Where as, with her other few friends she always enthusiastically continues. Plus, there's one of her friends, she goes out with them every Friday! Asks them if they can sleep over her house. She's never asked me once whether I would like to come over to her house. Makes up excuses. And she never goes out with me anywhere! I feel so insulted. I love and care for her so much..........but she doesn't as much back. She doesn't appreciate my efforts at all. I hate this! But why though is she so different with her other friends? Spends time with them and never with me! I just can't do this anymore........................I literally cried my eyes out till I ran out of breath. What is this? All I want is a friend who genuinely cares and will help me through the bullying I endure. Some one please please explain why she is like this towards me and not her other friends!? Why she is always with her other friends and not with me? Why she didn't put the picture of me and her when we went to the shopping centre on her Facebook? And yet she has so many of them all. It just hurts :cry:



ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

18 Oct 2010, 8:01 am

My ex was like that... she would go "on and off" as it were. Sorry I don't have anything other than some empathy for what you're going through... If I had a solution, i'd be sharing it.



Tahitiii
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2008
Age: 68
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,214
Location: USA

18 Oct 2010, 11:29 am

Ditto. There's not much you can do with a one-sided friendship.
It sounds like she likes you enough to hang out sometimes, but doesn't want to be best friends.
Get involved in some organized activity that you like.
Spread out and spend time with different kinds of people.



ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

18 Oct 2010, 11:39 am

the larger question is this; are there people out there that actually would consider people like me and the OP worthwhile people to spend time with?



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,872
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

18 Oct 2010, 12:47 pm

She might have been a real friend of yours, but sometimes the reward for avoiding you is too tempting for some. She will trade you for much more friends.

Happened to me twice , and I was slightly guilty in another case.



johnc
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 26

18 Oct 2010, 1:58 pm

Sorry to say it, but your friend doesn't sound like much of a friend.

Also, if you're being bullied, please please please do not ever listen to anyone who tells you that you shouldn't fight back. I was bullied constantly and mercilessly at school and it made my life so miserable I couldn't begin to describe. And the thing that stopped me from fighting back was that authority figures (parents, teachers) had all told me that fighting was never the solution. And I believed them. Then, when I was about 14, I finally flipped and fought back. I came off the worst for it, but not by as much as I would have expected and the bullying stopped pretty much instantly. I just wish I had done it earlier. The key thing is they have to know that they can no longer intimidate you.



Tahitiii
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2008
Age: 68
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,214
Location: USA

18 Oct 2010, 4:11 pm

There's a big difference between abuse and neglect.
You should certainly not tolerate abuse.

ProfessaM's friend doesn't sound like she means to hurt. It sounds like she just has other interests. You can have many different kinds of friends, with varying degrees of importance. Nobody's perfect. If you wait for perfection, you'll spend your life alone. Just share what friendship you can, when you can, and find someone or something else to do when she's not around.

Don't put too much of a burden on her. That will only drive her away. She doesn't owe you anything.



CaptainTrips222
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,100

22 Oct 2010, 1:39 am

Tahitiii wrote:
There's a big difference between abuse and neglect.
You should certainly not tolerate abuse.

ProfessaM's friend doesn't sound like she means to hurt. It sounds like she just has other interests. You can have many different kinds of friends, with varying degrees of importance. Nobody's perfect. If you wait for perfection, you'll spend your life alone. Just share what friendship you can, when you can, and find someone or something else to do when she's not around.

Don't put too much of a burden on her. That will only drive her away. She doesn't owe you anything.


It's true, but that doesn't stop the hurt. People want to feel valued, whether it's entitled or not.

But yea, lay off with the neediness. Learn form my experience. :(



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

22 Oct 2010, 3:37 am

Firstly - How old are you?



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

22 Oct 2010, 3:44 am

Never mind, I saw some of your other posts, you're 14.

Firstly i'm not going to sugar coat things. You will have people screwing you over until the day you die, and it's not just an age thing.


Secondly, that behaviour is common in young teenage girls. They are friends with someone, and find new friends and you get distanced. Were you friends with her first, and possibly for quite a while before she met these people?

I am not going to say cut her off, although thats the best solution, as I don't think thats easy for someone trying to cope with life. What you need to do is meet other people. I can't stress that enough.

They have no power over you any more if you make them less important in your life. People say that but it's damn true and thats why I got bullied to a less extent than my NT sister in school. I am a 25 year old woman, and I have had every bit of crap happen to me at school by the hands of adolescent girls.

Are these girls bullying you? Or other people?

Regardless, Girls are silly, and she may be ashamed of hanging around with you (I know that sounds awful, but thats what teenage girls are) Or she may have moved on from that friendship and doesn't find it interesting.

My advice is stop making an effort with her. You deserve real friends and not to be plan B.

Even if you're alone for a bit till you find others, its better than being used when shes bored. You can find others like you, at maybe a hobby or interest group?

What things do you like?



Beauty_pact
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Oct 2010
Age: 142
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,314
Location: Svíþjoð

23 Oct 2010, 6:24 pm

Try not to cry over her. From your description, she isn't a real friend, and she therefore isn't worth being unhappy over. Almost any so called friend can be sympathetic, at times, and *seem to* genuinely care, but a real friend doesn't ignore you and choose conversations with others over you when you stand right beside her. Nor does she exclude the photos she took with you on her blog, and show the others. That is kind of telling of how she feels, I'm afraid. :/

Excuses for why she can't spend time with you, when she can with others... those are clear signals that say that she just doesn't care about you. I'm sorry if I'm upsetting you by saying this but I just can't believe that I am wrong about this. You can find other friends - if not in "real life" then online - online friends can also be great friends. Just watch it with getting male friends, though, as males generally just can't be mere friends with a girl (I talked about this in another thread). I'm sorry, but evidently she doesn't deserve your love or efforts, and she likely doesn't even care that you try so hard. I'm afraid that most people out there are enormously selfish, and from the sound of it, she's one of them. She isn't the only person out there that you can be friends with. Just cut off contact with her and try to find a better friend... or rather, a real friend and not a fake one like her.

I'm sorry if I'm making you depressed by saying these things - I assure you it is not my intention. It's just, if you waste your time on her, it will only make you feel worse and worse. :/ You seem like a very nice person, so you deserve much better than some fake friend that will only keep upsetting you and give you false hope.



AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

23 Oct 2010, 10:24 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Never mind, I saw some of your other posts, you're 14.

Firstly i'm not going to sugar coat things. You will have people screwing you over until the day you die, and it's not just an age thing.


Secondly, that behaviour is common in young teenage girls. They are friends with someone, and find new friends and you get distanced. Were you friends with her first, and possibly for quite a while before she met these people?

I am not going to say cut her off, although thats the best solution, as I don't think thats easy for someone trying to cope with life. What you need to do is meet other people. I can't stress that enough.

They have no power over you any more if you make them less important in your life. People say that but it's damn true and thats why I got bullied to a less extent than my NT sister in school. I am a 25 year old woman, and I have had every bit of crap happen to me at school by the hands of adolescent girls.

Are these girls bullying you? Or other people?

Regardless, Girls are silly, and she may be ashamed of hanging around with you (I know that sounds awful, but thats what teenage girls are) Or she may have moved on from that friendship and doesn't find it interesting.

My advice is stop making an effort with her. You deserve real friends and not to be plan B.

Even if you're alone for a bit till you find others, its better than being used when shes bored. You can find others like you, at maybe a hobby or interest group?

What things do you like?


^^^^^^^ Eye C0ncur with this. ^^^^^^^^^^

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tb1ze588Xw[/youtube]



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

23 Oct 2010, 11:02 pm

I don't think getting over it can be easily done. Its not easy at the time for young people. She just needs to let this friend go because its not worth it.



Tahitiii
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2008
Age: 68
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,214
Location: USA

24 Oct 2010, 1:26 am

James Morrison Wonderful World
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8ltpzq7U3Q&feature=fvw[/youtube]