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MommyJones
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25 Oct 2010, 9:01 am

I have a question, and I don't know if this is AS or not, or OCD or what but I want to understand. If there is a thread already on this subject, please feel free to point me there.

First a little background: I went away this weekend with my AS son. He was in a motel room (totally out of his element, we camp in a camper), and we went to an amusement park with people he didn't know well. He did a LOT of waiting, and he had to be flexible and he was absolutely wonderful and tolerant. I know this was VERY hard for him. He doesn't think he behaved well, probably because of what was actually going on his his head, but outwardly he coped extremely well.

Once we got home, after a while he was back to his old self. However, one thing happened that he can't seem to unload. The evening of the amusement park trip we got back to the motel early, but very close to his bedtime. It was just me and a little girl I was watching so my friends could stay at the park. I ordered room service and purchased a sandwich for my son, (who already ate by the way, so there wasn't a hunger issue) In between the order and when it came he fell asleep. I tried, honestly to wake him up but he was OUT! Therefore, he didn't eat. All day long yesterday he was upset about this. I explained that I tried to wake him and I could not. I totally believe he gets this, but he can't get the thought out of his head. He's not mad at me anymore about it and he understands that I couldn't wake him, but last night he is hitting himself in the head trying to knock this thought out of his head. He said he just can't get it out.

I don't know what to say to him. I think he understands the situation intellectually, but he just can't let it go.

Can anyone explain this to me so I understand? I may not be able to help him, but I want to at least understand what this is, and if there is anything I can say or do to help him. I know he does this, holds onto things, but he usually handles it somehow and he doesn't share that this is happening most of the time, but last night he was truely frustrated that it wouldn't go away. I have never seen him hit his head with is fist to knock out a thought. It was bothering him that much.

If this is an AS/OCD or some other kind of trait. Is this going to get worse as he gets older? and is there anything I should do for him, or more importantly, should NOT do?

Thanks!



Vector
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25 Oct 2010, 9:51 am

I have very mild autism, and everybody's mind is different. Maybe some of this will help a little, though

If your son behaved in a way that made other people comfortable, but made him extremely uncomfortable, I think he may be justified in feeling that he didn't behave well. If his needs weren't met, his behavior didn't work for him.

Situations like the ones you mention with the sandwich can take on a symbolic value for me which makes them very difficult to let go. I can imagine getting upset in a situation like this if I was jealous of my mom spending time with another kid. Or if it reminded of how different I am from other people-- sometimes being unable to do a small thing like get up and eat dinner can make me feel like I am so alien from the people around me that I doubt their ability to really care about me. Or he may have found the idea of room service so exciting that he's just upset about having not been there for it.

It would help me to draw a picture of a situation like this, because it would exhaust my interest in it and enable me to let it go sooner. Other people might have the incident further implanted by doing something to really express it, so I'm not necessarily suggesting that as a strategy. But, for me, it seems like when something like this happens I needs to take an action that expresses how significant it was to me. I know no one else will ever understand, so I have to use actions to tell myself that I know it's important.

I sometimes want to hit ideas out of my head. I remind myself that ideas aren't loose things rattling around in there-- they're knots where my dendrites have gotten tangled up together. I try stroking my head to loosen those connections. This works because it provides a sensory way to deal with my frustration that doesn't hurt me. Also, it reminds me that over-learning things can be a problem for me, and I can usually understand things better if I "loosen" my ideas about them.


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ediself
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25 Oct 2010, 9:59 am

one idea...i remember getting strange ideas in my head as a child.Maybe ( i don't know your son and might be very wrong but you can investigate) maybe he feels he was sleeping at a moment he wanted to share with you, and this little girl. Now he fell asleep, and you shared the moment with the little girl only. i'm only rephrasing this part of vector's post because it sounds familiar to me. if this is the case, what you should do is tell him that when he was sleeping, you looked at him and thought about how much you love him. that way, he will know that although he was out, you were still sharing something.
just an idea.



richardbenson
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25 Oct 2010, 12:24 pm

if i'm stressed out, my word language (typing on here) gets more unreadable than usual. also i get stuff stuck in my head all the time