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TheygoMew
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21 Dec 2010, 7:19 pm

I don't find very many people attractive. It's not just based on superficiality. Not many people I just feel connected to. When I do though, it's intense but if the timing is off then I try to just get over it.



happymusic
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21 Dec 2010, 9:05 pm

I can get obsessed. Not stalkerish, but unhealthy for my own mind because I can't think of anything else.



astaut
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21 Dec 2010, 10:34 pm

Xeno wrote:
I find that with myself, it is true. But on the rare occasions that I do have a crush, I get way too obsessed, way too fast.


I'm the same. I'm not sure if I get obsessed in the technical term, but when I like someone I (usually) really like them.


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XBZ4AX
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22 Dec 2010, 5:26 am

This is interesting

I get obsessed by some guys that I find good-looking. the more intense my obsession is the more it hurts my head and the longer the obsession is the more it hurts in my stomach and I can't say a word.

I can't explain if it's a crush or love. Please help me define the two feelings.



SacredOreo
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22 Dec 2010, 8:51 pm

ive had crushes throughout school and life but due to my shyness to talk to girls and me not having good social skills (i don't have many friends :( ), i have trouble forming loving relationships. Ironically i'm actually quite good-looking and have a good build.


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ecoronin
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23 Dec 2010, 9:13 pm

EnglishLulu wrote:
Xeno wrote:
I find that with myself, it is true. But on the rare occasions that I do have a crush, I get way too obsessed, way too fast.
This.

Someone started another thread about whether you categorise people when you first meet them as to romantic "Potentials" and "Nos". I don't really do that, so I don't tend to meet lots of people that I fancy.

But when I do start to fancy someone, I do get a bit too obsessed, too fast. :oops:

It's tricky, being female. Because in the NT world if a guy chats a woman up, apparently she's supposed to play hard to get and pretend she doesn't like him, even if she does. :? I've found that guys really don't like it if they chat you up and you respond positively, along the lines of hey, yeah, I like you too. Because then they run a mile. :?

I can't understand why men chat women up if they apparently don't want a positive response, they just want women to play hard to get and to make them chase them. Baffling. That's happened a couple of times, even in the past year alone. And loads of times over the years.

If I responded negatively, it wouldn't mean I was playing hard to get, it would mean that I wasn't actually interested. If I was interested, I'd say so and not play games.


I can relate but being a man with AS, I cant understand hard to get, it never makes sense to me and I can never read girls right. I cant understand the whole dating game.



MrBigEcks
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23 Dec 2010, 10:47 pm

happymusic wrote:
I can get obsessed. Not stalkerish, but unhealthy for my own mind because I can't think of anything else.


Yeah, it's difficult to get your mind off the person you have a crush on.



SacredOreo
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26 Dec 2010, 3:20 pm

MrBigEcks wrote:
happymusic wrote:
I can get obsessed. Not stalkerish, but unhealthy for my own mind because I can't think of anything else.


Yeah, it's difficult to get your mind off the person you have a crush on.




Yep, it is difficult to get your mind off someone you have a crush on.


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js3521
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26 Dec 2010, 6:52 pm

I'm rarely attracted to anybody, and never to somebody I've just met. On the occasions that I do develop crushes, it starts after I've already gotten to know that person (weeks or months after I start talking to them). By that time, it's usually too late to begin pursuing a romantic relationship, or so I'm told.

Why does romance place so much emphasis on first impressions?



Jessi_in_wonderland
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29 Dec 2010, 4:43 pm

I always felt left out from my friends because they might have a list of people they liked, but I would only like one person at a time for the most part. Like others who commented on this, I get obsessed with the person that I do like really easy.



aspyoz
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30 Dec 2010, 3:37 am

For me i have only really had one crush per decade, thats about 3

Perhaps one or two extra little ones

But im like some on here, they are sparse but intense and not good for myself as i can think of nothing else, almost literally

Not that ive had much in the way of reciprocation as i have only ever really been taken advantage of for my good nature or more usually money and generosity. And then been disposed of.

Twice ive had those same females contact me long after, like a year later, and only then show any interest and remorse for what they did to me.

Both times i have just moved on, talk to the hand...

Hey im no real catch, (quoting Springsteen from Human Touch: "a little touch up and a little paint"), but im real and honest. For better or worse my pic is in THIS thread , representing the average person

On the flip side ive had some great female friends where we started out as coworkers or just through friends etc and ive managed to enjoy platonic relationships with them. I can only really meet people this way, i dont do bars, dating sites etc, not my thing. And living now in the country is even more limiting.

One girl, Marie, who was an english nurse in her mid 20's out here on vacation and i first met when i picked her up from the airport in the mini bus of a backpackers i was working in at the time. I picked her up and it took me nanoseconds to compute that she was going to set upon by every male in the backpackers when i got her back there. Anyhoo, we chatted on the way back as much i can chat to new people. I didnt really speak to her much after that and at one point we were actually on not good terms as she caused a bit of drama with a friend. I left the city we were in and came back to sydney, mostly as i had planned on going to see my friend for 2 weeks and ended up staying away for 18 months, mostly hanging out and drinking with backpackers and my liver was threatening divorce (i can only handle social interaction pretty much tipsy or better). In any event i came home, then about a month later i get a call out of the blue, and its Marie.
It was left field for me! Wasnt expecting that. I asked her why she had called, especially as we hadnt been on speaking terms really when i left, and she said "i thought you might want to go out for lunch or coffee or something?". I was like "Why me?" or something similar, to which she replied "Because you were the only one i met in that town who didnt hit on me and i thought we could be friends".

And so we went out for lunch or coffee when she was off shift and talked on the phone, usually at odd hours like 5am when she was home after shift. Usually the topic included the state of her relationship with the guy she was seeing, lol she got frustrated with him a bit. She once mention in passing comment about us dating and i think i was bit taken aback and i think i dodged it and thought we were better as friends. And that lasted several months until she went off on the next leg of her world trip.

So for me crushes have very little to do with superficial appearances (otherwise id have latched on to Marie, she was by quite a LARGE margin about the prettiest girl ive seen in the flesh), its been more about feeling comfortable with a person, something which is VERY difficult for me. So crushes have only formed after weeks or months of getting to know someone and being comfortable with them and being able to speak to them for long periods, something else i find hard to to in every day life.


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djeidot
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30 Dec 2010, 7:02 pm

Also false for me. I had several crushes before. Now I think I'm in sort of a "crush pause" :D

But I've had very looooong crushes in the past...


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TenFaces
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02 Jan 2011, 10:30 am

I have had only one intense "crush" and I avoided having crushes, as I knew I was not attractive enough to get the kind of women that I liked.
When I was 24 I obtained a date with a really lovely Sicilian-American girl who was 17. She was quiet and demure and incredibly hot. I was not attractive and I had problems relating to women (years later a friend who is a special Ed teacher told me I have AS). This young, hot girl actually wanted to have a second date. I have no idea why she liked me. I was pretending to be "confident" and did my best to act like I wasn't effected by her. Unfortunately, I fell madly in love with her. She must have picked up on my "crush" as she was not as stupid as most women I find attractive. In my experience, women find men who have crushes on them pathetic.
Then came our tenth date, right after she turned 18, the dreaded words. "You're a nice guy, but....."
I actually cried in my car ( after I dropped her off, of course), I never let that happen to me again.

I had one other mild crush when I was 31, but quickly got over it. I am now over 40 and I believe I am too old for that now.



TenFaces
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02 Jan 2011, 5:09 pm

I have had only one intense "crush" and I avoided having crushes, as I knew I was not attractive enough to get the kind of women that I liked.
When I was 24 I obtained a date with a really lovely Sicilian-American girl who was 17. She was quiet and demure and incredibly hot. I was not attractive and I had problems relating to women (years later a friend who is a special Ed teacher told me I have AS). This young, hot girl actually wanted to have a second date. I have no idea why she liked me. I was pretending to be "confident" and did my best to act like I wasn't effected by her. Unfortunately, I fell madly in love with her. She must have picked up on my "crush" as she was not as stupid as most women I find attractive. In my experience, women find men who have crushes on them pathetic.
Then came our tenth date, right after she turned 18, the dreaded words. "You're a nice guy, but....."
I actually cried in my car ( after I dropped her off, of course), I never let that happen to me again.

I had one other mild crush when I was 31, but quickly got over it. I am now over 40 and I believe I am too old for that now.



Non_Passerine
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03 Jan 2011, 12:26 am

I've been mildly infatuated with a few guys and only fell deeply in love with one. It's been going on eight years.



milli
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03 Jan 2011, 7:01 am

Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever gonna fall in love like other people..

I do get "crushes", but not that intense as others seem to experience.


I'm rarely attracted to anybody, and I've had about 2 crushes my hole life.