I'm a cynic. I don't believe in love. I don't believe in fate. I used to think maybe I was asexual but I'm not completely; just maybe not as interested as most other people my age (I'm 17). The last boy I felt I had feelings for that were beyond friendship...well, it was a huge disaster/mess that span over a period of about 9 months, and I've probably honestly only been totally over him for about a month. We were never in a formal girlfriend/boyfriend relationship at all during that time, and we never even kissed, or anything like that. Well, yeah, it's a very long story that I haven't come here to explain.
I have...feelings...for a boy that I have only met once in person and I will probably never ever see in person again. He is a 17 year old tourist (who lives thousands of miles away from me on the other side of the planet) that I met on Friday night. The whole thing had a lot of features that were out of the ordinary (but maybe not relevant for this thread) that unfortunately make the whole thing seem more...I don't want to use the word 'special', it sounds too...wet, but I'm not really sure what else I could call it...maybe just 'odd' or 'weird'. For example, the fact that I approached him at all. He was a stranger and it's really not in my character to do so.
He was in my city until this morning. We exchanged numbers and I have spoken to him on Facebook quite a lot over the last couple of days. He is in the UK for about another week (but not in my city), and busy with his friend (who I also met on Friday night and have spoken to him briefly on Facebook since then) as they are on holiday here. I was supposed to meet up with him and his friend again on Sunday but I left it too late and unfortunately we both had other commitments at awkward times so it was not possible. My commitments actually got cancelled after I returned home so that was extremely annoying as otherwise we could have met up, if I had stayed out longer.
I don't really know why I am even making this thread...I just can't make sense of what has happened. I feel like my heart is breaking but I haven't even fallen in love; but then again, like I said, I don't even believe in love.
Yesterday he was trying to convince me to go to Paris with him and his friend later this month (after they leave the UK they are going to France for a few days), as I speak better French than them. He was being serious and trying to persuade me to go with them. I know this may sound...creepy, even; and don't get me wrong, I understand why. I just...I'm not the kind of person that would ever even consider gong abroad with somebody that I had just met. Ever. I mean, I've seen the film Taken...but this time? Well, I'm not going to go, obviously; my parents of course would never allow it, and don't get me wrong, I understand why. However, if there was a way that I could go with their permission (which of course there never would be, but you know what I mean); I know that I would.
This is not in my nature. I don't trust people quickly, I don't fall for people easily...I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I have depression and the last few days (say, Thursday, which was my birthday, until Sunday) have been pretty much free from it. However, since the realisation that I will probably never see this boy again have set in...well, I have spent the day sinking further and further into depression again. I haven't done anything all day. On second thoughts, maybe this thread would have been better off in The Haven? I don't know. I'm sorry if it's in the wrong place.
Any thoughts?
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"There is no wealth like intelligence and no poverty harsher than ignorance."
Last edited by maddycakes__ on 20 Dec 2010, 2:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
20 Dec 2010, 1:55 pm
