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Im not sure where to post this but i think i had a meltdown, i have a 14month old baby and im not coping with the mess and the crying . i cant seem to get my routine straight. i have mini routines like how i feed, the order the clean up operation etc but if i cant get her to bed on time it drives me insain, if i fall sleep with her then it causes me great trouble as i havent had the time and quiet to myself.Its like the day never ended. My daughter has been ill alot and i found it all so over whelming as well as trying to adjust to this life with a child, i think im suffering depression too but have been hiding this one. But i found myself building up and usually i would walk away and find quiet but my child wouldnt stop crying and i needed to flea, i was screaming i pooled into a wreck on the floor, i repeatidly hit myself because i couldnt bear my emotions and i wanted it all to stop. i locked myself in the kitchen . i dont know how long it lasted . the shakes lasted along time .But i'm also wondering how i can try to avoid this happening again or try to reduce its intensity. can anyone help me on this?

Hi tammoth.

A good place to post this would be the parents forum:
viewforum.php?f=19

I suggest starting a new topic there to talk about these issues with parenting on the spectrum. The good part is that the challenges of infancy and very early childhood pass quickly, the bad part is that these are critically important years for your kid, so you have to do whatever you can to keep your own stuff under control so that you can play a positive parental role.

If you are depressed, you should make alleviating that a primary and urgent priority. Depression makes for lousy parenting. If need be, take meds or start a new exercise program, spend time in nature, meditate, perhaps get someone to look after your child for an hour a few times a week so that you can take the time to take care of your emotional state.

If you can give yourself that, you will almost certainly be much better able to rise to the challenges of parenting.
And do try the parents forum--there are a lot of wise and caring parents there, many who are autistic or in the BAP.

Good luck!