How did you or your aspie child survive high school

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Last edited by Aharon on 28 Dec 2011, 2:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I had a very VERY hard time in school, socially. Middle school was the worst. High school was decent though, because by then I'd learned some survival strategies. Two things that helped me most were imitation and prompting. It was very exhausting but I learned to stand, sit, talk, walk, and dress "normal". I really wasn't so good at the talk part, but one thing I could do was listen to people talk and then prompt them to continue talking by asking questions about what they just said. I didn't have any real interest in what they were talking about, but I did have a strong interest in not being bullied or tortured so I was keen to develop a good image with people. Then, if some random creep tried to give me a hard time, people might go, hey he's alright leave him alone.

The danger of imitation is after awhile, I really couldn't tell if I was acting anymore or if what I was doing was genuine. Pretty soon I was feeling pretty normal inspite of what was going on behind closed doors, but that all changed when i got married. It was like a hitting a brick wall. You might be able to fool your teacher and classmates, maybe even yoù friends. MAYBE even yourself. But there's no fooling your spouse.

While imitating my way through school, I'd failed to learn how to handle anything deeper than a superficial relationship. That's where I really need help now. As for how people treat me now, I have good working relationships with my coworkers and they seem much more accepting of my uniqueness, and I've loosened up quite a bit over the years.

In closing, I'd say there are some things that I would recommend. They're not fair, but that's life isn't it?
1. Learn to imitate.
2. Don't draw attention to ones self. This even means learning to laugh at a joke you don't get.
3. Ask questions, listen a lot, ask more questions.
4. Find something you're good at and join a club. It will give you a basis of common interest with people, who may actually end up liking you, and they can be your experience in developing better relationship skills. Temple Grandin recommends this and I wish I had done it instead of going home and hiding from everyone after school.
5. Realize it WILL get better! Some kids can manifest some of the most sinister, vile, soulless, twisted personalities, but we all grow up, and someday your goofiness that kids today pick on you for will be the same goofiness that, when your older, younger people at your work might think you're kinda cool for. What a world.

I kept to myself and didn't draw unwated attention to myself

I was very isolated.I was mostly into my music and didn't study that much.My marks got progressively worse in high school as I had no interest in studying.I did what I had to do to get by.I didn't date at all or attend any dances. Not a period of my life I would want to go through again.

I became more outgoing and realized that about 60% of my peers liked me. I also learned that most of the people who liked me thought that I should be protected, so I wasn't bullied anymore once I made enough friends. It was hard for me to strengthen friendships, so I had many acquaintances and few close friends. I made As and high Bs in my classes.

It helped to stop caring about all that socialization nonsense.

Living at home, predictable schedule structure and a small learning environment with familiar people would seem to be an Aspie paradise

College brought with it major executive dysfunction thanks to (attempting to) live on my own for the first time
combined with sensory issues thanks to commuting downtown in a major city, huge lecture classes and extreme social isolation

I was a straight A student and MENSA member in high school, and as of now, I'm on academic suspension from the major university I attempted to attend afterward.

Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 29 Dec 2011, 12:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

School was mostly hell, but I got through it one day at a time. There really is no other way, I'm afraid. I found it really helped when the teachers were supportive and also I found the library was a great safe haven to retreat to.

I hated school, but I dealt with it becuase I don't agree with dropping out.

I'm still in high school but I have survived thus far by being in sports/clubs. Become part of activity that you enjoy. I have always enjoyed running and decided to join cross country running in 9th grade. I didn't expect much from it but I ended up loving it and joining other sports as a result. I made several new friends and had the chance to be on varsity in cc running, and later in nordic skiing and distance track. Joining sports helped me find people with similar interests.

Taking AP classes have also helped me a lot because I can be friends with the other AP class nerds without feeling too awkward. I also have more homework which prevents me from having much of a social life anyways. When I'm not always busy, I try to enjoy all the time that I spend with friends. Staying busy has helped me get through high school becuse it helps me keep my mind off of the periods of isolation that I have gone through.

9th grade: Pushed or smacked two or three times a week when walking to class.

10th grade: Learned to walk down the hall with a sharpened pencil in my hand to threaten people who tried to assault me.

11th grade: I had a growth spurt there for became larger than my bullies. I also started having violent meltdowns.

12th grade: People left me alone out of fear I will flip out and beat them to death.

I didn't have the best home life so school was easier than home is some ways. I skipped some subjects went in for others. I realise now I really need those hour or so breaks from the environment. Accidentally knocked a bully down a flight of stairs,
that meant I wasn't bullied much. I spent much of my time in a confused haze but I do remember to setting the goal of being able to socialise normally by the end of high school partly do to staying at home being utterly unthinkable, I was motivated. Went out a lot, tried to socialise a LOT. I stopped hanging out with the people I found it easy to hang out with, I was so bad I wasn't sure if they were friends. Started trying to hang out with others with more active social lives. That makes me feel like an ass now but I really needed to learn and I knew no other way.
In college I joined every society and club and went out every second night in the first year. slept most of the rest of the time.
After college I traveled, small hostels are cool. There were some NT guys in college I believe I passed in social skills.

Slow progress, baby steps but constant baby steps. Tortoise and the hare.

I'm not saying I dont have problems still but they are nuisances for the most part.

Left.

I found school easy but it probably helped that I was in a middle class village where the majority of people were cool and smart.

Have you considered a smaller campus (if one is available)? I went to a commuter satellite campus of a major university. I was able to live at home, the classes we a lot smaller (once you got past the freshman or general education classes (~15-30 people)), and the students were generally older who wanted to be there to learn (improving job prospects). The down side is that I didn't have the forced socialization of living in a group setting of people roughly my age.

Public school primarily introduces people to others with whom they would never otherwise willingly associate. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I suppose people also learn 'academic' and 'home ec'-type things at school, and I did learn a few, but I also found much of it boring after the 5th grade or so (a lot of things basically being repeated over and over).

High school was where things really started to seem dull to me. I didn't associate much with anyone and no one associated much with me. I was in the computer club but it was about 10 people and we didn't do much. I was only really bullied in my sophomore year, and while it seemed horrible at the time, in hindsight nothing much really happened. I had simply never been in those sorts of situations before. Generally, I didn't react, and the bullies gave up, or took up torturing cats, or died in drunk driving accidents, or flew into the emptiest parts of space on reverse meteors.

The 'learning to socialize' aspect of public school is only useful if you plan to socialize a lot (endless party-goer, sex hound, politician, perhaps a high-level business manager). School does teach useful things, especially in the earlier years, and some schools do offer more specialized programs that work well if the student is interested in one of them.

If you had the desire and the time, you could easily homeschool and your child would learn all they need to know for a GED-type exam in much less time. They might not walk/talk/etc in a 'generic'/'conformist' type way but that isn't a bad thing, it's simply different.

Happy everything