What's on your mind right now?

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Picking at scabs

Pimples

Pus

Oil

i wonder if you can see a labrador retriever growing in real time, if you look hard enough.

the older i get the more emotionally fragile i get

and i was always emotionally fragile

tried and failed to sleep 9 to 10 pm. got up. failed to resist eating

gorging

How to heal old scars...?

We all got some kinda problems.

Feel ashamed of not joining the military.

Some civilians worship the military

But whatever



Feel like I am a Special Snowflake

Feel guilty and ashamed

Like when I continue living, I pose an undue burden to precious lil "most people"

Gosh, my guitar class is disheartening. I practice every day for at least an hour, yet when I get to class, everyone else is much better than me. I'm apparently really slow to learn chords - we're given two or three minutes to practice new chords on our own and then given a pattern to try, and I'm the only one who can't get it before we're all supposed to do the pattern together. And once I do learn them, I'm way too slow in getting my fingers there. I think after this class, I'm just sticking to Youtube videos to learn more, so I can learn at my own pace without having it shoved in my face how much better everyone else is than me.

BaldMan, I wish I knew what to say. Does helping other people in small ways ease that "burden" feeling at all?

Dragonsanddemons, that guitar class? Not fun! Sounds like you won't let their pace discourage you from learning and practicing though. I admire that.

Hugs to you both.

Data b 4



Helping someone does not ease the "burden" feeling at all



Sometimes someone intends to "help" and ends up hurting

Sometimes, actions and statements have effects that are not visible, physical, immediate, or direct

Sometimes it is not clear whether something helped or hurt or had no effect

And helping someone could cause codependency

Besides I have few or no job skills. Certainly not any skills worth over minimum wage



A previous licensed clinical social worker told me that the objective. Goal. Of counseling was to "feel better". But nobody measured my serotonin levels

Besides, cost benefit analysis

Maybe after counseling, my serotonin levels were higher. But maybe just sitting alone in a quiet room would have had the same result

And the current counselor charges 75 bucks an hour. Which is around the standard rate for other counselors

But to get 75 bucks I have to panhandle from a lot of strangers. So is the cost benefit analysis worth it?

Besides, what is so good about feeling better?

Maybe feeling better in the long term requires feeling worse in the short term

For example, if I ate a pound of lasagna , I would feel better while eating. And feel worse afterward

Furthermore, motels charge about 75 bucks a day. A night. Too. 75 bucks, when used strategically, could provide two weeks of food. Especially with the "help" of soup kitchens.

Room and board

75 bucks provides for unlimited bus fare, where I live



Anyways some precious lil "people" have the nerve to condescendingly offer "help" when you do not need or want help. And when you did not do anything wrong either

For example, on Sunday, a security guard had the nerve to ask me "do you need help" and he told me I was on the toilet for 30 minutes.

But I measured it. 15 minutes. There were five toilets and at least two of them were empty. Nobody was waiting for the toilet

And then he left and came back with another self-important precious lil "person". And that one had the nerve to tell me that if I did not leave in five minutes, he would call medical services.








It's like wtf


If they wanted to "help" me they could have just left me alone


If someone is raping me, someone can "help" by physically removing the rapist from my worthless corpse

Granted, I am not functioning well alone. (Fine)

But almost nobody has the authority, skill, desire, or energy to provide real "help"

That could be significant.

Today a stranger correctly pointed out that I was sitting on the ground, then I was sitting next to. (about two yards away from) them.


The stranger had the nerve to tell me that I was a "weirdo".


She was correct


But she had no clue how correct

I have never felt so desperate to find another situation.

And I literally cannot for multiple un-fixable reasons, without actually doing even more damage to my life. Long story.

that feeling where you feel as though you're missing something, but you don't know what it is.