eye contact

Post Reply New Topic

So I know that a common eccentricity among aspies is difficulty keeping eye contact. I used to have a lot of trouble doing this, but I've mostly gotten the hang of it. However, I kind of think that its a stupid custom (even though to most people it's a standard natural thing), and when I'm tired or strained in any other way its not really something I prioritize.

Anyways, I was just curious, may be a stupid question, but what is the most natural thing to do with your eyes? That is, if you weren't forcing eye contact for the purpose of social conventions or anything, where would your eyes be directed while interacting with someone? For me, it always made the most sense for me to look at someone's mouth, I guess just because people do talk from their mouth, that's what you're listening to. What about all of you though? This has been something that has puzzled me for quite some time, and I can't really bring it up with all the NTs I know.

If I let them my eyes will wander everywhere taking in everything around me during a conversation but when I was younger they just looked low, nowhere in particular.

Same as Mack, my eyes would wander around everywhere and I would try to take everything in.

Same as you two. Whenever I'm out in public I constantly look around at everything and everybody, multiple times. When I'm talking to someone I usually try looking at them, at their nose or mouth or something, but I try to avoid looking at their eyes. Although sometimes, I just don't look at them at all, I look down or off to the side or hold/fidget with something or occupy myself with something so I have an excuse to not make eye contact since I don't like it. The times when I do look at their eyes, I don't know when to look away, then I just stare at them and they stare at me and it's weird.

This question has probably been asked and answered before, but can anyone explain WHY eye contact is difficult for them?

Like others that have answered this post I find my eyes dart everywhere when I'm in conversation with someone and I get distracted by all the information. But right from being a small child I have found eye contact very threatening. The feeling was as if people were trying to get inside me - like rip out my soul.

I still find eye contact threatening, but less so than when I was a kid

If I don't control my eyes, they naturally focus on the most interesting thing in the room. Often my mind follows, and I end up thinking about something unrelated to what i am talking about.

When I remind myself to make eye contact, I generally just look through the other person's eyes. I don't quite focus on them. Instead, I focus just a little past them.

I don't really have an aversion to eye contact. I just don't get much from it. I suspect that people with normal eye contact somehow get a lot more information from eye contact than I do, so it is more interesting to them.

My eyes usually pick a random object and fixate on that. I don't like looking at people's mouths when they speak for the same reason I don't like looking at the eyes- it's too much to take in and think about.

I tend to look at mouths as it helps me understand what they are saying better as well as avoiding the discomfort of eye contact. Perhaps a bit of auditory processing disorder. The greatest discomfort of eye contact for me is the feeling that my protective "bubble" has been breached. I don't think logically that the other person can read my mind but my body reacts as if they can.

Generally, I'll look either low or to the side of people, but if I focus, I can look at people's mouths or occasionally make eye contact. But I can't tell what I'm supposed to be looking for in their eyes. However, I can look at people's eyes if I'm some distance away. But the closer I get, the more difficult it is.

I can only make eye contact with people I know....and even then its hard to keep it. But yeah with people I don't know its even hard for me to look at them at all when I talk to them especially if they are in a position of authority like a cop or something. I am not sure why, I just can't.......I've tried, and I mean I was not even aware it was unusual until other people brought it up.

Same here. If I don't know them too well or if they are strangers I will usually look at the floor or somewhere else. If I need to make eye contact with someone I usually look at the middle of their eyes not the eyes themselves, makes it less uncomfortable for me

I tend to look off to the side. It is very difficult for me to look at someone eyes while trying to listen to them. It also can be difficult to talk. I can't do all three. So, if I'm looking at you I'm probably not listening to you. Which do you want me to do? Also if I am making eye contact I might be staring.

I think it is probably an auditory processing thing. Listening and talking is a full-time activity. So, I don't have any more ability to do eye contact. I also can't understand two conversations at once for the same reason.

To me it just feels intrusive. There's something about other people's eyes on you, and you meeting the gaze that feels personal. Overly so to me, it's like taking liberty to touch a stranger's face... but with your eyes. Other times I find it too distracting from what they're saying, especially if I'm trying to watch for visual clues to their emotions or whether they're lying.

I try to go for 50/50 in a casual conversation, 50% face time, 50% scan time. I'm not saying I always succeed, I so don't. I don't do this unless I know people won't get weirded out, but if I absolutely have to remember information that's given verbally (like phone number or directions) I close my eyes to make sure I can focus properly on it to remember.

[quote="Gingerbiscuit"]This question has probably been asked and answered before, but can anyone explain WHY eye contact is difficult for them?

For me, it's just this weird feeling I get when I make eye contact for more than about half a second. It's not that something is distracting me, or that I feel threatened, or any other remotely tangible reason, it simply feels unnatural. I can force myself to make any amount of eye contact (I usually try to reciprocate the other person, or go for 60-70% eye contact if it's a girl I fancy), but it's definitely a conscious effort. If I'm talking to my family, best friend, or anyone I'm pretty comfortable with, I'll make eye contact maybe 10% of the time while speaking, and 20% while listening.

I know it can really pay off to try the right balance of making eye-contact.
I know when I was younger, I mostly looked just slightly away from the person, because eye-contact is really burning.
I try when I'm listing to someone, look at him/her two-third of the time when he/her is speaking. I'm mostly looking on their nose, (between their eyes), that they actually don't know where you're exactly looking at. (of course they do, but I guess they see it as normal)
And I'm trying not to stare at someone, so not focussing on one point of the face. Just occasionally looking away, or at the mouth and then back.

I look at peoples feet or some where else in the room. I often tilt my head towards the person i am listening to because I hear everything around me and have filter out there voice.