I've been told that I'm unapproachable...
Looking "scary" is a big problem for me too. When I was a teenager everyone around me thought that I was shy because of my inability to socialize well. So everyone patronized me and I HATE being patronized. So somehow I learnt how to not look shy. But I couldn't learn how to be not afraid of people. So as a result now everyone thinks I'm arrogant and unapproachable cuz apparently something about my body language says "DON'T even come close". And smiling doesn't really help cuz then they think that I'm mocking them etc.
Anyway people do change their opinion once they get to know me so I guess I just need to make them stick around
Anyway people do change their opinion once they get to know me
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
My friends ALL say that about MY body language! Oh well, SOME people need to stay away ANYway if you ask ME
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
I totally get this! I mean, I'm a girl so I'm not really scary per se. I just intimidate many people and get labeled as coldhearted often. I think it's because I build this wall up around people I don't know and trust. I don't really talk much either, so people think I'm shy until they are my friend and I never shut up! I'm just glad I'm not the only "intimidator" out there
I'm a very scary person, or, so I'm told... I've have had people literally turn and run away, I even made a little kid cry once just by looking at it. I don't really try to be scary, I just am, the upside of being scary is that people tend to leave me alone.
Looking at someone to much = scary,
not looking at them enough = scary,
smiling to much = scary,
not smiling enough = scary,
same goes for talking and any other type of socializing. I don't really get it, everyone has a different idea of what scary is and I have no idea what their personal 'limit' is. no matter what I do I come of as creepy/freaky/scary.
In dating there is a little nonverbal cue game people play. The first move is to smile at someone you like when they look at you, which I don't do naturally. The smile OKs further interaction; no smile says sorry buddy, not interested. The default kind of blank uninterested aspie face tends scream "back off". People also let their gaze "lock" onto the other person and linger (see nauseating couple at dinner) but somehow avoid staring creepily. This is the "I want you" signal that girls use at bars to magically get a guy from across the room. (I avoid eye contact completely or stare through them so that's a problem, but hey doesn't mean I don't know it.) While close to each other it gets even more subtle. Turning your body towards someone while standing and leaning towards them while sitting shows interest. Crossing arms/ legs or turning away is like an attempt to close off and protect yourself. With girls touching their neck or twirling their hair is like an unconscious attempt to get a guy to notice their more feminine features.
I have had great experimental success recently with the sideways look while sitting next to a random guy. You know, when you can see the person out of the corner of your eye "checking you out" and looking at you when you're not looking. Proceed to rub neck and nibble on pen. They get flustered hehe. I have also started deliberately raising my eyebrows a bit when I see someone familiar; it is an unconscious thing most people do even in passing to acknowledge an acquaintance, and the corners of your mouth turn up a bit almost reflexively. All my neighbors always say hi to me now!
Even as an aspie I get major heebie-jeebies when a guy is looking me up and down and doesn't smile or saying anything when I look back though. (shudder). Yeah, if a girl catches you looking at her SMILE. If you don't she will think you were just judging her looks/ clothes and have decided you're not interested in her. If she catches you continuing to look at her without smiling or speaking it makes you seem like a scary creeper thinking bad things. Social niceties being the maddening things they are though, I admit to being even more creeped out by OLDER dudes who smile at me too much. They always ask too personal questions, stand a little too close, and kinda leer at me more than smile. Some make little comments like your dog is sweet just like their owner, did you get your hair cut it looks nice--not appropriate for a stranger. Like one of those strangers with on tv with candy smiling real big at the kids and being too nice. Ewww. I try to get away before my skin starts crawling and not look at them.
I am very small and better looking than average. I don't feel upset when walking but strangers used to ask me what's wrong or say something like smile, it's not that bad; I suppose others avoid someone who looks like they're having a bad day. In high school I would have people from school I'd been in class with for years tell me I seem like one of those quiet people that one day shows up and shoots up the school. Ouch. To be clear I would do nothing of the sort; in fact even in school I would volunteer at hospitals and would probably push someone away from a bus if given the chance. I was never mean but I have a look that's quiet and serious and kind of blank on the side of depressed. I try to look at friends but they say it's like I'm always lying or like a spy looking for an escape route the way my eyes dart around. In high school I was so relieved to not be picked on anymore I kept to myself and didn't talk unless addressed for fear of spoiling it. Seemingly antisocial loner who doesn't smile--check, I guess.
I think you have a nice shy guy look in your pic. Kinda got the puppy-dog thing going. Easier to do in a pic or two than all the time, but still.
Think the only fix is to just power thru the awkwardness. Yes you feel weird, yes you spread discomfort like a plague.
Hehe I like it. Super-aspie! Capable of infecting whole rooms with their conversation-killing anti-charisma. Seemingly unaffected, they can buzzkill entire tables before leaving to spread. The most powerful, mighty threadkillers can even use their powers online!
auntblabby
Veteran
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
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Posts: 113,737
Location: the island of defective toy santas
in some old sci-fi story i read as a kid, there was this super-future civilization on earth that figured out how to treat their mentally challenged folks, with these implants of sanity/normalcy or whatever it was called, injected through these super-thin needles that could fit in between atoms and deliver therapeutic medicine or information delivered to just the right parts of the brain, that would enable either recovery from mental difficulties or could deliver super-quick instruction and expertise on various topics needed to get a job or fill a position somewhere in their society. i hope this made sense.
anyways, i could use something like that kind of advanced technology, to bypass my defective self/world interface and just custom-deliver the brainpower augmentative right stuff i need to get this non-verbal skillset working in my noggin.
Perhaps your game needs a bit of fine tuning so go here
http://roissy.wordpress.com/
http://www.rooshv.com/
They are two of the leading "pick up artists" on the internet.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
http://www.rooshv.com/totem-pole-of-race-attractiveness
It's like I'm reading SankakuComplex comments again.....
EDIT: I -LOVE- the black people talking about how they went to other countries and 'banged' white women in Scandinavian and german countries, especially when they dressed ghetto AND the responding insults by Slavic nationalists. Seriously,
they love it which causes them to come back for more, combined with the whole mandingo thing we’re golden.
And during my travels we go to the same places brazil, dom rep, paris, berlin, trinidad, columbia etc and the same woman many white guys old/young guy pay $100+ to bang we “f#ck for free” just cause many of the women are attracted to us so we flip it and they start giving us money or taking us shopping etc.
As someone mentioned before many of these dudes white princesses wives were our sluts before they married them.
So I hope ya’ll not tounge kissing ya spouse cause I was f#cking her in the mouth lol.
EDIT 2: Ethnocentrism is fun isn't it
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
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Masterdebating on chi-city's south side.......!
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