Have you experienced this?

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My niece who is 11 is a very shy, introverted student but is NT. It seems as though every outcast will try to hang out with her BUT they tend to abuse her for what others have done to them. So, she ends up alone over and over again. She can't seem to muster up the kutspa to mingle with the established groups and to appear unavailable to the "vampire-like" outcasts. I hate to use the word "outcast" but what else is there? Any comments on this?

Do the 'vampire-like' outcasts - aka goths - feel like outcasts or are they purposely sectioning themselves off from the main stream? There is a distinct difference there. It is still a clique with social rules and regulations. If your neice doesn't conform to them, she will face all the same bullying as she would in the main stream. There is always a group of quiet kids that just need a way to connect. The kids that sit alone at lunch. Some of the after school clubs can be havens. Chances are, there is another girl just like her in school that would love to have a friend too. A discussion with the school psychologist or a guidance councellor may help bring them together.

Are you sure it is other outcasts trying to hang out with her and ending up abusing her, and not trouble makers? My son says that one middle school social life rule is obvious: never let it be seen that you are alone. Be alone, and you become a target for those who think playing on you is fun. So, even though my son's "friends" are annoying to him, he swallows his annoyance, works on maintaining the friendships, and makes it obvious to the rest of the school that he is part of a group and has friends.

No doubt there are real outcasts at the school that she isn't even aware exist. They are doing their best to blend into the scenery so they won't be targeted. But THESE are the kids she needs to identify and try to get to know.

All the usual will help there: car pools, shared activities, etc. Easier said than done, but she needs to try, and her parents need to help her. She also needs to at least pretend she belongs to a group; identify one that won't mind if she sort of hangs next to them. Nerd groups (my son's description) like my sons don't mind if kids tag along; everyone is welcome; just don't be a bully and don't dis on what other kids in the group like. Lots of shy kids have found homes off and on in his little group.