Why do I hate it when peolpe defend me?

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user1001
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16 Mar 2011, 7:16 pm

I am male and 17 with ASD/AS and one of the things that bug me the most is for some reason when I am bullied people will try to defend me and I don't know why but I get really emberrased by this. I hate it when I am pited and someone has to come and help me. People think that I am dumb so they think that I need help even thought I know what I am doing and I know how to do it. Like for exsample I am character M character A and B are around. Character B is a bully to me all of a sudden character A comes buy and says "Dude, don't make fun of him!!" and character (M) for me gets really emberrased when this happens. I don't know why but it is kind of emberrassing when someone younger or older than me has to stand up for me which I hate. I would like to know why am I so emberrassed by this? Sorry for bad spelling. Also sorry if I am posting this in the wrong forum. I have a habit of posting in the wrong section without realising this.



DCxMagus
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16 Mar 2011, 10:10 pm

a lot of people get embarrassed when people stick up for them especially males your age. There is still a societal and dare I say natural desire to be "the defender" and "strong" as a young male so when someone comes to your defense and defends you they are taking away chance to prove that you are strong and can be a defender. Compounding that fact that it makes you look upon yourself as a weaker person because you needed defending and society says males your age shouldn't need defending!

If you hate it so much then the logical thing to stop this is to stand up for yourself before the other people have a chance to defend you. The moment someone start bullying you or put you in a situation where someone would stand up for you, stop them. I'm not going to condone unneeded violence or fighting as that usually doesn't solve the problem(usually being the key word). Telling them to f**k off and ignoring them or using a quick wit can be just as if not more effective

I can't really relate to the bullying aspect(no one dares mess with the 6'6" guy with the look of death in his eyes) but I do know I get quickly annoyed if people try to defend my side of an conversation or argument and they are dead wrong about where I'm coming from. While it not because of the reason I listed above and more so because of the fact that it just proves they are trying to jump on a bandwagon that they don't fully understand just to be part of a conversation they probably have no business being part of anyway. I have since learned to either stop them dead in their tracks and explain they are wrong or just never give them the chance to speak even if I see they wanna get a word in on my behalf.



mikeseagle
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16 Mar 2011, 11:44 pm

I would say what you are feeling is natural. If you feel that you can defend (by whatever means) yourself and someone else does it for you then you feel anger for the person doing it. You also feel embrassed because you look weak in front of everyone else.

Next time it happens then say to B (the person that defended you)

"Thank you for that, but let me handled it next time"

Say it a calm and neutral voice.

By saying that to B you are indicating to them that you can take of yourself and you do not need their help.

Anyway about posting in the wrong forum. That is alright. I'm sure one of the moderators will come along and move it to the right one.



Brainfre3ze_93
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17 Mar 2011, 7:33 am

Welcome!


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richie
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17 Mar 2011, 2:58 pm

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