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glynny48
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19 Mar 2011, 5:25 pm

Ok I am new to all of this as we are just beginning this journey but I was curious if it is possible for a childs symptom to grow worse....... Lincoln, my son, has always had a tendency to want certain things certain ways or has trouble to adjusting to changes in schedules or things in a bigger picture. But now he is not allowing me into his room because it has to be sorted and cleaned a certain way. He has never been like this. It was like a switch and things went majorly in that direction.



LuxoJr
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19 Mar 2011, 5:33 pm

I was actually like that. I still am but when mum comes into my room I just get annoyed or people touch my things I just get pissed and arrange my thing back. It's a change thing. There are some aspies I know of who got worse in middle school. I got worse in elementary and got better in high school. It's a strange phase sort of thing that usually goes away or just becomes slightly less severe.


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DW_a_mom
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19 Mar 2011, 5:57 pm

Yes, that sort of sympton will fluctuate over time due to a number of factors. It can be a simple natural progression, or a sign that he's feeling less secure about other areas in his life (if my son has been dealing with big changes in school or personal life, he will try to make up for it by getting more controlling over the things he CAN control in his life; I've actually learned to watch for this as a signal that new stress factors exist).


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glynny48
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19 Mar 2011, 11:46 pm

Thanks so much for the information! Like I said this is all new and for it to change so drastically all of a sudden! I was a little concerned!



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20 Mar 2011, 12:20 am

How's that regression? I mean, I don't see the kid's losing any skills; it seems like he is just really wanting his room to be HIS space. Kids at some point or another will begin to want privacy in their rooms and/or in the bathroom; and this could be his way of making sure his room is his own place, his to control, his to retreat to when he needs to relax. I can definitely see wanting to have your own room be a dependable place where you can always count on your things to be where you expect them to be. Lots of us need a space like that. Heck, some of us are married and raising families and still need our own spaces.

You may have to have a talk with him about always bringing out dirty laundry and such, though. Wanting to have your room the way you want it doesn't excuse you from doing your part of the housework. :)


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glynny48
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20 Mar 2011, 11:09 am

Thanks Callista! You are right it really isn't regression just wasn't sure how to word it! The hard part for me is I can understand privacy and wanting it to be his own but spending hours out of the day sorting things and putting them into piles and that is all he does was more of the concern and the fact that he has become fixated on it and won't leave his room without coaxing for any reason that bothered me. :(



missykrissy
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20 Mar 2011, 9:43 pm

i don't think it's appropriate to allow a 7yo to have the choice to not allow you into their room. it is your house and you have a responsibility to make sure that space is safe and sanitary and can't do that if you can never get in there. you also have a responsibility to make sure you know what the child is doing in there because at that age and with ASD they are not the best decision makers or the best at controling their impulses which may be harmful to them. my step-son also spends alot of time moving piles of his things from one spot to another. i gave him alot of different sized containers and bins to use so that his things wouldn't be all over the floor or piled up on the bed. that way if i need to move things he can still find them easily. i don't know anything about your child but mine tends to only try to keep me out of his room entirely when he is hiding things in there that he shouldn't have, and has a tendancy to fill his pockets(and now his undies and sox too) with things like thumbtacs at school and hide them in his room. just a thought, you may want to check through his things when he's not there just to be safe. i wasn't going to say anything as i seem to get bashed alot on here for not being the super soft type of parent and automatically trusting and beleiving everything i'm told by the children but i have learned from experience that with the one child at least if he seems to be wanting to be left alone he is probably hiding something, he is also drawn to anything sharp or pointy. again, i don't know your kid but still have a look. it's better to be safe than sorry. and yes, if he can handle the privacy give it to him but knocking or announcing your presence is really all you need to give him before entering his room regardless of if he likes it or not.. it would be different if he was a teenager.



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21 Mar 2011, 1:30 am

" it would be different if he was a teenager."

Why would it be different if he were a teenager?


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catbalou
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21 Mar 2011, 1:56 am

Yes, BECAUSE my child is a teenager I knock before I put my head around the door, I didn't used to when she was younger. Now I'm forbiden from coming in at all, or opening the curtains. Wnes she's at school though, I do go in and open the windows.



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21 Mar 2011, 7:58 am

i would be over the moon if my 7 yr old spent hours sorting and cleaning his room :lol: as it is i cant even walk through the doorway without stepping over stuff.

sorting and organizing can be a very calming behavior, it can help your son gain or regain a sense of control over and order to his environment. i am not asd but have a few quirks, and i love to sort and organize things. it gives me a deep sense of calm and rightness. even simple things like sorting candy to make treat bags at halloween can calm and entertain me for hours. and the opposite of that is it can be extremely aggravating to have someone else try to "help" or mess up the sorting ive already done; that will basically undo all the calming the sorting gave me, and push me in the other direction.

traits will ebb and flow. all children go through phases, its just that the phases are more extreme with an asd child. my 5 yo autie tends to pick up a new trait once in a while, or an existing one will increase, usually temporarily. those temp ones are often due to illness or a short term sensory issue from chapped skin, etc. we have definitely seen an increase in his overall "autisticness" over the past year, though. i cant tell you whether thats from just ongoing development or as a response to an increase in demands made upon him for attention, socialization, etc, but we do see it happening.


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missykrissy
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21 Mar 2011, 10:20 am

aurea wrote:
" it would be different if he was a teenager."

Why would it be different if he were a teenager?


because teenagers are older and think differently than small children. they do different things in their rooms. they are going through a period where they are naturally supposed to seek time away to start breaking down the parent/child relationship so they can form their own identities and become functional independant adults. because their bodies are changing and they may be...uh...'exploring' that. there's probably more reasons but that's what comes to mind. do you really need to be explained the difference between teenager and young child?



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21 Mar 2011, 1:19 pm

aurea wrote:
" it would be different if he was a teenager."

Why would it be different if he were a teenager?


The changing clothes / not totally decent thing comes first and foremost to mind.


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DW_a_mom
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21 Mar 2011, 1:21 pm

missykrissy wrote:
because their bodies are changing and they may be...uh...'exploring' that.


As far as I can tell my son started doing that when he was a few months old and has never stopped, lol. But he did learn to make it "private" before he turned 3 or so.


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Callista
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21 Mar 2011, 8:37 pm

Everybody is different. Some people never get much of a sense of privacy; others get it early on. Quite a few kids want their own space to be their own space before they're teens. I remember being a little girl and getting so horrified and angry when my mother reorganized my room while I was at school. It just completely threw me off. I'm pretty sure I had an hours-long meltdown after those incidents.

Kids often develop a sense of privacy around age five or six; so it isn't that unusual for a seven-year-old to want to be in his own room. Consider his sorting/organizing to be recreation--yes, he likes it; yes, it's fun; but he does have to keep his responsibilities, do his homework, keep his room clean, etc. Teaching him that his free time is his to use, but only if he still does what's necessary, is a good skill to teach.


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Louise18
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22 Mar 2011, 12:52 pm

missykrissy wrote:
i don't think it's appropriate to allow a 7yo to have the choice to not allow you into their room. it is your house and you have a responsibility to make sure that space is safe and sanitary and can't do that if you can never get in there. you also have a responsibility to make sure you know what the child is doing in there because at that age and with ASD they are not the best decision makers or the best at controling their impulses which may be harmful to them. my step-son also spends alot of time moving piles of his things from one spot to another. i gave him alot of different sized containers and bins to use so that his things wouldn't be all over the floor or piled up on the bed. that way if i need to move things he can still find them easily. i don't know anything about your child but mine tends to only try to keep me out of his room entirely when he is hiding things in there that he shouldn't have, and has a tendancy to fill his pockets(and now his undies and sox too) with things like thumbtacs at school and hide them in his room. just a thought, you may want to check through his things when he's not there just to be safe. i wasn't going to say anything as i seem to get bashed alot on here for not being the super soft type of parent and automatically trusting and beleiving everything i'm told by the children but i have learned from experience that with the one child at least if he seems to be wanting to be left alone he is probably hiding something, he is also drawn to anything sharp or pointy. again, i don't know your kid but still have a look. it's better to be safe than sorry. and yes, if he can handle the privacy give it to him but knocking or announcing your presence is really all you need to give him before entering his room regardless of if he likes it or not.. it would be different if he was a teenager.


My mum used to have similar views to you. As a grown up, I don't speak to her anymore, she won't be at my wedding, she won't be at my graduation, and she won't be a part of the life of her grandchildren. She also won't be seeing me again. Privacy was a huge deal to me. I hope for your sake your kids don't feel the same way about it.



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22 Mar 2011, 2:46 pm

He's not regressing. He wants his own space.


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