What the worst part of having ASD for you?

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I think the sensory issues come next. I only have sensory issues in my ears - which is awful because you really can't avoid loud noises unless you go around with your fingers in your ears all the time, or with earplugs in - and I don't like people staring at me and ridicule, without trying to encourage it!!
At least with bright lights you can put on sunglasses, which is more acceptable.
I'm the opposite with bright lights - I can't cope in a dim lit room. I hate it! I just have to get up and turn the light on, and if it's a dim light I panic. I like bright sunny days, bright rooms, florescent lights, flashing lights (relaxes me!), and any other light.

Apparently most Aspies don't like being touched, but I do. Well, I don't think anything of it really. If somebody puts their hand on my shoulder or arm or whatever, I take no notice. I just smile and carry on with what I was doing, and forget I was ever touched. And I love it when people cuddle me - also I love it when people play with my hair. Oooohhhh, that is such a wonderful feeling!

But with the sensitive ears - I'd do anything to have this changed.

Yesterday, my boss (an NT) told me that he has a gift for reading body language and knowing from that how people are feeling. Guess who is the one person in the office whom he can't read?

I might say all my symptoms in order, starting from the worst to the best (not best as in best, because I don't like having any, but you know what I mean).

1. Seem to have something what makes people out in public think I’m weird, even though I don’t know what it is OR feeling extremely self-conscious of myself, yet clueless of how to keep my cool (which explains the weird glares and stares)

2. Sensory issues with sound/phobia of loud sudden noise

3. Frequent outbursts

4. Very low self-esteem/confidence

5. Difficulty to socialise

6. Obsessions, special enjoyments what I let take over my life

7. Angry/depressed feelings inside me a lot of the time

8. Mood swings (not sure if this is an Aspie trait or not, but I am moody most of the time, as in can't be bothered to smile)

9. Immaturity

10. Difficulty adapting to change

11. Selective memory

The most disabling condition I've got is HAD (high anxiety disorder), but I don't know whether to associate this disorder with the AS/Dyspraxia or not, since I've read somewhere on WP that high level of anxiety is not the most common in Aspies.

If there was a special cure what could only cure 3 AS symptoms, I think I would choose the first 3 on the list. I want to at least go out looking cool by intuition, instead of using up all my energy to look cool. I want to at least not be frightened by motorbikes, smoke alarms, car horns, sirens, kids screaming, and dogs barking - this will take a strain off my state of mind. And lastly, I want to at least not have these frequent outbursts what upset my family and make the neighbours think I'm weird. The reasons why I would choose those 3 is because they are the most unique to NTs. The rest of the symptoms can be seen sometimes in NTs. Some NTs can have low self-esteem, be shy in social situations, have special interests what take over (eg, my NT dad is so obsessed over football that he takes time off work when his favourite team are playing!), can get angry, have mood swings, can be immature, and have a selective memory. About the routine change thing - often I see NTs moaning because their shift hours have suddenly changed or they've got to get up early one day for some reason, ect. But with the outbursts, extreme irritation of loud noise, and the inability to act cool naturally are not what NTs exhibit, and so they have no understanding of how I feel when suffering these symptoms. Plus I think that if I didn't have these 3, I know it will take a lot of anxiety off my shoulders. I know it.

You probably have very subtle differences in the way you move that you're not even aware of. The only way to stop the "vibes" would be to be able to detect and avoid those movements. Most people can pick up on extreme subtleties in the difference in how people move, and if anything is even a little "off" they'll detect it.

Sensitivity to noise, hands down! After that, inability to read people!

Being inflexible.

Not knowing what to say in social situations and being uncomfortable around people I don't know. Everything else isn't anywhere near a problem. Alright, maybe it would be nice to have some sort of multitasking ability, but even NT's struggle with that.

Lacking a sufficient frame of reference for contrasting my difficulties.

Oh also (directed to Joe90) people can also often tell when we're reacting to our environments in ways that they wouldn't. So it could also be that you're either reacting to things they don't react to, failing to react to things they do react to, or both. One of the reasons it is so difficult to fully "pass" (and for that matter why nonautistic actors often seem to portray autistic people unrealistically), is that nonautistic people and autistic people perceive different aspects of the world -- each perceive some more intensely than the other, and some less intensely than the other. And it's very hard for one sort of person to know what all those things are, perceive them, and react to them, on purpose. May even be impossible.

One time I was walking along, and heard people making various odd noises. I mean, they were talking, but I noticed the tone, not the words. The tone was one I'd heard before, a "jokey"/incredulous/disgusted tone, followed by nervous laughter. I didn't even realize it was directed at me until later, and then I replayed it in my head until I had gotten the words. Then I tried to work out what the words related to. It took me ages to figure it out.

Turns out that I'd dropped a banana on the ground, picked it up, and started eating it, not realizing or caring that there were pebbles and dirt stuck to it. The words they'd said were "Aw, don't eat that!" And it took me forever to put all that together. And at the time I thought I was passing perfectly well. Differences in what we notice aren't always that extreme, but often things like that can happen and we're not even aware of what we're reacting to or failing to react to that other people are laughing at.

1. Getting to where I am today socially. I can go to parties, read people extremely well, make good conversation and bond with people....but when I got to college I made everyone hate me and didn't know why, for example, so...there are still challenges, but the worst part was getting here. Going from having people think I'm retarded to having somewhat popular friends was a challenge.

2. Forgetting to eat. I'm 6'0" and 115 pounds. I've got a fridge full of bodybuilding-approved foods now, but...I haven't eaten yet today. I got really hungry a couple hours ago and ate a few handfuls of peanuts, now I'm fine. I should probably go eat after I post this.

I'd say having a brain which works much more slowly that normal, which (among other things) causes problems with communicating with brains that run at normal speed.

And executive dysfunction.

The isolation.

Anxiety
Meltdowns
My problems with relationships
Getting too absorbed in something

*

^----- the flash inside my head that happens every time I try to find words for the thing I meant to write here. And this flash itself is among the worst things, along with the thing that I don't know how to write.

I don't think I react to things they don't, but I do think I don't react to things they do (hope that makes sense ). Today I tried looking around at what's going on, rather than just keeping my eyes staring ahead, as though I look terrified to meet anyone's eyes. Also I looked at people, but not stare, just glanced lightly at them and moved on to the next person. I've found out that the more I look around at other people and the environment more, the less odd looks I get from people. I walked past a shop where a couple of elderly men were coming out of, talking to eachother, and I looked round at them - just glanced - then looked ahead again, then looked at some other people coming towards me, and it did help. I've figured that if you look around at what's going on, it makes you look aware and not so nervous. So that's what I've started to do. Looking around at the people and traffic just looks social when you're on your own, and it just makes people just think that you're aware of what's going on around you, instead of keeping your eyes on the ground all the time.