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Tehsbe
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07 Apr 2011, 10:27 pm

I had feelings for this one girl, but she is already in a very healthy relationship. Mentally, I've made my peace and still want to be friends with her, but emotionally, I can't deal with the feeling that our relationship won't reach the level I once wanted it to.

It seems that all my fears about dating and romance were true: rejection sucks.

I don't expect anyone to respond, or even really care about my ordeal, but I just wanted to let off a little steam. Does anyone have some pointers, advice, or ancient meditation techniques that help them out after rejection?



civer56
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07 Apr 2011, 10:35 pm

I'm in the same boat, I can't offer much advice, but I can offer sympathy. My long term girlfriend who I thought I was gonna marry broke up with me a few months ago. Since then, I have gone on 4 different dates with girls I met online, none of which worked out. I have been coping by trying to exercise as much as possible, as well as drinking copious amounts of beer. I suggest you try to follow my example for the former, but not the latter...haha.



Exhumed
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07 Apr 2011, 11:00 pm

Don't be friends with her, it will just create more anguish. Make sure you talk to girls often enough that you don't become immediately attached to one girl. Try to let go of that perfect image of the girl you hold in your head; when you're infatuated with a girl you tend to only focus on the good things about her that you have in common, but when the next girl comes along you might realize she wasn't that special.



roadGames
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08 Apr 2011, 12:48 am

Don't get attached to a girl before you have sex with her. Actually forget that: do not get attached to women. Love them, make them feel good, but never let your happiness rest on having them in your life. They are like cats. All you can do is put your hand out and hope they come to you. If they don't, then forget about them.



Exhumed
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08 Apr 2011, 2:50 am

I feel like I'm emotionally numb from being rejected so many times. I too subscribe to the "DON'T get attached to women, EVER!" mindset and I often wonder if it's healthy.



tigerlily2000
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08 Apr 2011, 3:09 am

Having 'feelings' for someone who is not available to date usually means you're attracted to them and projecting onto them your impressions of what you would like them to be. Or you just have an unrequited crush. Very human and nothing to do with being an Aspie.

If she's not central to your life and not interacting with her is an option, I would just avoid her in future. Each time you see her or contact her you'll just get hooked back into the attraction/crush. Avoiding her (if it wouldn't be weird) is the best way to get over unrequited feelings. Stop feeding them and they will die.



nick007
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08 Apr 2011, 3:58 am

I cope with rejection by ranting/b!tching about it online. it ticks some people off thou but it helps me feel better after a while. To quot the late Rodney Dangerfield~ "I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back."


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The_Dark_Eccentric
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27 Apr 2011, 9:58 pm

A couple of years ago I had )and still do have) a crush on this one girl. But I had no idea what to do about it. at the time I didn't even know I had aspergers. All i knew was I was socially awkward and extremely confused. So of course when I eventually tried something it went horribly wrong. She tried to ignore me. Being an aspie I didn't get the hint. So eventually she did just come outright and say "leave me alone". Very blunt. still hurts. And moreover i still like her. So I can sympathize.