What was the exact moment

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Can you remember, when, where, why- the exact eureka moment when you became convinced that you have Asperger/autism. Not just the feeling that something was odd about yourself, but what was it that not only made you think something was odd, but that that oddness was in fact Asperger/Autism.


What took so long for you to see it?
Why do you think other undiagnosed/unknowing Aspies do not come to the same conclusion and see that they too have Autism/Asperger?

Umm...I would say that it was about a year after my head shrinker's assistant had her mention it to me. Prior to that I knew very little about AS and just thought "maybe. probably not.". After that year, I actually decided to do some research. Read about it. Noticed all of the similarities (as well as differnces) that I had with people on the spectrum. Became almost certain that the Pez Dispenser's assistant was right. I am still in the "almost certain" stage where I will remain until I get a diagnosis (IF I get one. those things cost money.).

What took so long? Laziness. Anger. Lack of interest.

I can't answer that question because I am not one of those people. I wouldn't know why they think what they think or feel how they feel.

I didn't even know what AS was until the doctor told me I had it.

What took me so long to realize I had ASD? I had no idea it was a spectrum disorder. I thought all autistic people were low-functioning and nonverbal. My nephew (who was never tested and is 8 now, but I am still convinced he has ASD) is who set the wheels in motion. He'll never know that unless his parents crawl out denial and get him tested. Anyway, when he was a baby, he cried whenever anyone would touch him. He wouldn't look at anyone, and didn't talk until MUCH later than his two older cousins (who, btw, are both borderline MR and this kid is pretty close to a genius). We could call his name over and over again, and he wouldn't look, but passed the hearing test with flying colours. That is when I did some research on his symptoms and "autism" came up. As I researched autism, not only was I more convinced that he had that, I also realized that I had it too. Everything about it fit me to a tee--I have been convinced ever since but just got the official diagnosis exactly one month ago to the day.

I really think it takes a lot for the mind to go in that direction. For me, I started to really know something was different about me 25 years ago when I started having regular fainting episodes, sleep paralysis and hypnagogic hallucinations. I talked to a lot of people about it, but was met with mostly blank stares. In my early 20s, I went for testing for seizures but that came back negative. I really didn't connect personality issues with any of it nor did I consider that my lifelong GI problems were related. I just went about living my life ... failing at times but pushing ahead. Others sensory-type issues presented themselves, but I accepted them in stride as being just more "quirks."

Finally, about 2 or 3 years ago, the little girl of one of my wife's best friends was officially diagnosed with Aspergers. I had never heard of it. The next time we saw the girl, I took the time to pay close attention to her and when she left, I told my wife that she seemed a lot like me when I was kid and didn't see anything remarkable about her. So I did the quick wiki search on AS and again thought it sounded a bit like me and also mentioned THAT to my wife, who has a background in early childhood education. Her response: "I've thought that about you before."

But I didn't think that much of it ... life was kind of cruising along at the time. But this past fall into the winter, I started to have some big issues and felt like things were falling apart. After coming out of my funk, I went away by myself to the mountains in Oregon for a week and really had some time to think. When I got home, I decided to seriously look into Aspergers and autism. As I researched, it all started to come together. It was just one "holy crap" moment after another. Everything fell into place ... 25 years of searching for answers was over. It really feels great to finally know but I can't help but wonder how many other undiagnosed Aspies of my generation are out there struggling through life with mixed success and nary a clue that they are autistic.

Same here.

When I found out that I had Asperger Syndrome, and after it was explained to me what it was, I guess I just accepted it and moved on with my life. At the time, I was jointly suffering from depression and anxiety issues, so I was already well aware of my being different to the point that I felt inferior to everyone else, but those feelings stemmed from entirely different issues independent of my being autistic.

I knew I was slightly different, but I never really thought too much about it (because I have better things to think about). Then my mom told me about AS, and she said she thinks I might have it. I was like yea, that kind of sounds like me. Of course it sparked my interest and I looked it up on the internet, and I was skeptical at first. About two days later, after I gave myself time to think about it, it hit me. Yes, I really am that different. But not only that, I started researching in depth what the symptoms were, and to put it simply, AS explains every possible thing that makes life more difficult for me. It's not official, but it explains so much, everything from my near-giftedness in math, science, and art to my slow reaction timing and inability to multitask. Really, the question isn't whether or not I have AS, I obviously do, the question is more on the severity of it.

Last edited by SammichEater on 15 Apr 2011, 11:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.

At diagnosis. I had investigated autism and been told by my mom that I should have been diagnosed as a child; but I wasn't absolutely sure until a doctor (who had an autistic son herself) confirmed it. It's difficult to tell from inside yourself whether you are diagnosable or not; you can't really get an outside perspective. You can usually answer the question of whether you have significant problems that would probably require some diagnosis; but the question of whether you can be given one particular label over another is a bit trickier. I turned out to be right (mostly--my theory was that I had AS, when really PDD-NOS is the correct diagnosis), but it's entirely possible that I mightn't have been. Self-diagnosis is really only good for people who either don't need professional help or can't get it for some reason; because you really need an official diagnosis to access services, and if you don't need those services, then an official diagnosis isn't really all that useful to begin with...

It happened several times. When I was in grade school I saw a documentary on autism and related to it too much. I knew I was affected but not enough for anyone to notice or acknowledge it ... I think this was in the late 80's before Asperger's was a diagnosis. Fast forward many years to when "Look me in the eye" came out in book stores and I read the brief on the book and realized there was a name for the way I am, I almost joined WP then but without an official diagnosis I felt out of place. Then last year my son was diagnosed autistic, I joined WP and read the official diagnostic criteria for Asperger's and now I have no doubt.

I was diagnosed in 7th grade when they took me down to sirri and did light therapy, so then I go depressed that year and wanted to give up on life, in 8th grade I tried to forget about it, but then in 9th-ish 10th-ish grade I finally grasped that I had this mental disease that made me different than everybody else. I had always known that I was different and weird, in fact, I took pride in it. It just sucked when everybody started hanging out a lot and dating, and I realized, yup I have autism.

I wasn't diagnosed until very recently (within the past 2 years). That was when I first saw a competent psychiatrist, and now everything makes so much sense. He was the first one to mention my lack of eye contact, and that I "speak like some people write" (hyperlexia), and my unusual speech rhythms. I'd been diagnosed as bipolar, a teacher called me ADHD in 2nd grade (still haven't figured that one out, since I have the opposite problem- I become hyperfocused, sometimes for hours) all sorts of misdiagnoses which I've come to find are less than uncommon for Autistic womenses.

What's especially odd is that I was engaged for several years to a guy who (in retrospect) was Aspergian, far more so than myself (it's far more than casual, unqualified opining on my part- his brother had classic Autism, though he was high-functioning). The brother even had a girlfriend whom I met several times who was diagnosed with Aspergers, which my fiance said was a "girl" form of Autism. (The fact that for a time, there were four Autistics who hung out together reaffirms my conviction that Autism has most likely existed for a long long time- due to positive assortative mating, even individuals for whom the majority wouldn't be attracted to are often attracted to EACH OTHER.)

Even more strange was that my mother was a special ed teacher, and never thought me Autistic- back when she was educated about Autism, it meant a kid who sat in the corner and flapped his or her hands and wasn't potty-trained, sometimes into their teens. She's read some of the literature on HFA since my diagnosis, and she keeps repeating that she's amazed she didn't connect the dots.

I'm still not completely convinced I have it.

I always assumed I had some mental condition that made me different. I called it "cursed life" but it wasn't until around age 12 that I thought there had to be others with the same condition and that it must have a well-known name. Then I found out it was called "Asperger's Syndrome" when I was 14.

In the winter of 07-08. My grandmother was dying - and I was very close to her - and relatives were constantly visiting, which was overloading me, and I spent all my time reading blogs on my computer in my bedroom away from everyone else. I read anbuend's blog all the way through and some other blogs I don't recall now, and it became acutely apparent to me that this was me, even though I had barely had an inkling before - like I'd think of an isolated trait and wonder, and then dismiss it or even try to stop doing the thing I caught myself doing. I didn't really think of myself as different but I was worried about, for some reason, looking or sounding even slightly like "Rain Man."

Anyway, it all became acutely apparent to me, and I literally had no idea what to do. I have never been very good at knowing when or how to ask for help or whom to ask for it, and I just didn't think there would be any support, so I ignored it.

When I looked into it again, I was again under a lot of stress and was more visibly autistic to myself. I started talking to Pensieve about it, and then other autistic friends (two of whom said they thought it all along - an NT therapist said the same thing), and started posting and reading here, and the weight of evidence to me became more and more apparent, until even my "what if I am completely mistaken?" anxiety barely had any teeth.

I still occasionally have trouble because all else considered, most of the time I still feel completely "normal" to myself, and have no frame of reference for difference. Or like Callista said:

So I only had a clue because of interacting with other autistic people. Without that, I don't think I would have suspected anything short of someone just outright telling me. I would have just gone with ADHD and that would have been it until and unless a professional spotted something.

I was watching a tv programme and there was a bit on about an artist with Aspergers At one point he said he wouldn't paint a vase of flowers because for him once they are picked they are dead and he also said he would never give flowers to anyone because he saw it as an insult giving dead flowers to someone. This is exactly how I felt and hadn't ever bought my wife flowers. So I shouted to my wife and we both sat and watched it again. I was just happy that someone else thought this way even if he "wasn't all there" in the head. My wife though immediately saw it differently and said "That's You", she was right and the truth started to dawn for me too. Life got better for both of us from then on.

It was a very long process for me too. I knew I was different very early on. To make sure I hadn't missed it, my mother told me that I have an emotional disability and that it's like the (intellectual) disability my sister has. I identified with a low-functioning autistic boy that went to the same school as my sister. As a child I had friends, as a teen I wanted to have friends but I've always felt isolated in the sense that I didn't connect with "normal" people. I heard about AS in my early twenties. I thought there was something oddly familiar about it, but it didn't click until later.

When a doctor suggested I might have AS, I was still unsure, but as my self-awareness increased and I got to observe myself in different situations, I started to realize that I do have it. The last piece was learning about ADD, which explained some of the things that didn't fit the AS picture.