Why can two adults share a bed,but a child must sleep alone?

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Disclaimer #1: This may be TMI, if so.. I'm sorry.
DIsclaimer #2: I see that what I am about to say could generate a lot of backlash, and I am just hopeful to be heard out.

My son LOVED breastfeeding, and would have stayed to breast all day, everyday, if I'd let him. Everything was fine until he became mobile. I breastfed him until he was 2, unfortunately not because I wanted to. As I stated previously, as a college student, I was exhausted and slept hard, we shared a room, and he refused to sleep in a crib. When he was walking and able to climb into my bed, he would do so. I'm large breasted and unless I wear a bra to bed, they're not always easy to police while sleeping. I would often wake up to find him in my bed, latched on. I understand that a baby or toddler operates on a "See, Want, Take" system, but (and I KNOW this is the part that will seem ridiculous) I felt violated. I felt like my body wasn't mine anymore. At that age, if I cut off the session before he was ready, he got violent and would hit me and it just became a miserable experience for me. I felt trapped between doing what's good for your child and a situation that caused me to become severely depressed.

I know that for some people, my feelings in this situation will seem ridiculous and over the top.. I felt/feel like I shouldn't have felt that way... but the truth is that I did and all I can do is be honest about it.
I wish I could say I remember ever having had a night's sleep where I truly enjoyed sleeping with my child. If there was one, it's lost somewhere in the realm of my terrible memory and that makes me sad. We do cuddle together every night, and that is always a pleasurable experience, but I'm not able to truly sleep with my son.

We co-slept with each of our children, except for our child on the spectrum. He couldn't settle if he was in bed with us. Since I breastfed each child until well into the pregnancy with my next one, (All five are just over 2 years apart), it was both convenient for night time feeds and we loved the opportunity to bond one on one with each new baby. We didn't have any trouble moving them to their own beds. We involved them in choosing their new bed and bedroom decorating. We transitioned firstly by making naptime in the new bed, and a few weeks later, the full on bedtime routine with bath, book and cuddles.

My son who is on the spectrum was a completely different experience. He settled best when rolled up tight in a bunny rug and into the cot. He weaned himself from the breast at about 4 months, by refusal. I started to lose my milk, and tried to express and feed him from a spoon, but it was very time consuming and within a month I simply didn't have enough milk to satisfy him, so he ended up bottle fed, despite my best efforts.. including hiring an electric pump from nursing mother's association. I think he just didn't enjoy being that close to another person, even from such a young age. The best way to feed him, after he weaned himself was to put him in his bouncinette tightly swaddled and hold the bottle for him. It wasn't until we stumbled across this way of feeding that he began to thrive physically. I never stopped cuddling him, but it was definitely one sided cuddling. Incidentally, John had incredible head control almost from birth, and was not keen to focus on faces, the way babies normally do. He would turn his head away and arch his back, and then if that didn't work at getting him put down, would scream the house down. Rocking in the bouncinette was the earliest way to settle him. I remember many a long night bouncing him up and down in that bouncinette, semi conscious because of the sleep deprivation. When he was 9 months, I was diagnosed with post natal depression - first and only time. I really felt like the worst parent on the planet, because my son actively protested any close contact with me or anyone else. Luckily, I had a great Doctor, who supported me very well. A few months of anti-depressant medication and my then husband taking a month off work to help me at home got me back on track quite quickly. I've never suffered depression either before or after this experience of PND.

I do believe strongly in co-sleeping with babies, unless it doesn't work for you personally. It's definitely not for everyone for a variety of reasons. It felt right for us, and while it's extremely unlikely that I'll ever have another child at this point (I'm 44 and my partner had a vasectomy) if I did, I'd co-sleep again. Those precious moments in the early hours of the morning with your baby in bed with you are irreplaceable in my opinion.

This is very interesting, and I'm glad you pointed it out. Same-age siblings are equals in every way. If a parent says "it's OK, there's nothing to be afraid of", a child might think: "of course my mom/dad is not afraid; he/she is so much bigger than me", despite finding some comfort in that phrase. But if a same-age sibling says it, a child might think: "he/she is just like me and he/she is not afraid; so maybe it's nothing scary after all." It also gives children a chance to "be afraid together" and strengthen their bond, something a parent cannot give. Being afraid together is far less traumatizing, and even a little bit exciting, as opposed to being afraid alone in a big dark room..

Here's a personal anecdote. When I was 9 or so, I stayed at a sleepaway camp. I shared a room with four other boys. The camp had a legend that something happened to a worker many years ago, and now his body parts are haunting the camp: the Red Hand lived in the tool shed, the Black Head lived in bathrooms, the Green Fingers lived in bushes by the camp entrance, and I don't remember the others. During the day and after lights out, the campers told each other stories, about reportedly seeing those body parts around the camp. (But never in the sleeping rooms, interestingly.) It reached such notoriety that some boys were afraid to enter the bathroom late at night, and instead went outside and peed on trees. And every kid would bolt when he or she was standing near the tool shed and saw a camp worker opening it.

But the important thing was the "being afraid together" that I mentioned earlier. With five boys sleeping in the same room and a few dozen kids sleeping in the same building, Red Hand, Black Head, or any other body parts, while scary, seemed perfectly manageable, just another part of the camp experience. The legend also said that the haunted body parts never left the camp property, so the fear of them never carried over into my home life (or presumably, anyone else's). So it was truly a fun experience, despite the scary factor; kind of like a roller coaster. Think how scarier a roller coaster would be if you were the only rider.

There was an episode of Rugrats on Nickelodeon that dealt with that same topic. Tommy's parents suggested that their son sleeps over at Chuckie's, because Chuckie was being afraid of monsters under the bed. Tommy and Chuckie looked under the bed together and saw a "monster", which by daylight, turned out to be a folded sweater with geometric patterns on it.

LOL... I know that episode... I LOVE Rugrats...