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Kris77
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06 May 2011, 1:17 pm

Hi. I'm new here and at my wits end.

My 8 yr old son is an Aspie. We have not had a meltdown in years now.

We live in NC and a little over a week ago, our town was besieged by a couple of incredibly strong thunderstorms. My son has never been a fan of storms, but he is a sound sleeper and usually doesn't make a peep. Not so last week. He awoke running to my room screaming and crying. He cowered on my bed with his hands over his ears and covers over his head. We finally went to sleep after a few hours.

That was all fine and good but the frustrating part is that he is now waking up EVERY night in sheer terror. He is hearing "phantom storms", swears that he hears thunder, sees lightning, and is up and down out of bed at least 4-6 times each night. He is absolutely terrified, screaming and crying and refusing to go back to bed.

I have taken him outside to show that there are only stars in the sky. I have blacked out his window so that no possible light can come through. I have turned on the classical music station so he can't hear anything. He has slept with piles of his fave stuffed animals. I've shown him weather reports that there are clear skies. He still insists these "phantom storms" are happening.

Neither of us are getting any rest. These episodes start around midnight and will last through morning. I just want to cry b/c I feel like I'm failing him. I don't want to reward this behavior by letting him sleep in my bed, but I know these fears are very real to him. After a week and a half of "newborn hours", we're both at our breaking point.

Does anyone have any suggestions??? Thank you.



72sprint
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06 May 2011, 1:35 pm

When I was growing up I lived in fear of tornadoes. I was so very sure that one would smash through town, even though in the Vancouver/Portland area, a twister has not blown through since the sixties. My anxiety would peak whenever I heard the weather, mentioning in passing about storms in the midwest. If your son is hearing somewhere about storms several states over, he might be thinking in his mind that one is right overhead. Not really sure where I am going with this other than to say be careful of letting him hear weather reports in thunderstorm season. Hopefully someone else can chime in with something better, and do keep us updated!



Kris77
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06 May 2011, 1:38 pm

Thank you. We actually don't watch the news at all. I get text messages showing the weather, so unless I show him those messages, he has no idea what would be coming.



Bombaloo
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06 May 2011, 2:49 pm

Just off the top of my head, I wondered after reading your post if his fears are eased when he is in your bed. Would it help if you just let him sleep there for a few nights so he can see that he can get through a night without hearing/seeing the storms? That might also help pinpoint what is really bothering him. Sounds like night terrors but having a name doesn't help much, sorry :(



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06 May 2011, 3:07 pm

It was a quite traumatizing experience for him so he may not be ready for the techniques you're using. How about sleeping in his room, and phase it out in time? Backwards chaining. He needs to feel safe and right now, you're his safety guard. He's probably smart enough to know his stuffies won't protect him during a storm, depending on how serious/loud your storms are. Filtering the background with music is putting him in an "unknown" situation because he won't be able to hear if a storm IS happening, which increases his fears/anxieties (or so I think). It's a good strategy to use in the future because the music will help him STAY relaxed. Right now it's not going to get RID of the fear. Deal with the fear first.

Also, (assuming you haven't yet) teach him more about general weather conditions. Normalize the situation by making a fun game around it. Have him categorize the different conditions into groups: hot vs cold, quiet vs noisy, safe vs unsafe. Once he's familiar and relaxed about what he's learning, develop a plan around all conditions: what to do when it's hot (hat, sunscreen, etc); what to do when it's cold (coat, hat, etc); what to do when there's a storm (create a plan together).

Sounds like he needs that baseline first before he can trust you or the network that he'll be safe.
Good luck!



Caitlin
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06 May 2011, 5:47 pm

ASDmom has lots of good advice. I wouldn't really describe this as behaviour, and I certainly wouldn't view solutions as "rewarding" it. He sounds like he is seriously traumatized - he could even have PTSD. I would try sleeping in his room or letting him sleep in your room until he feels safe again, and maybe couple that with some melatonin to help him fall and stay asleep. If you don't see any improvement in a couple of weeks/month, you may want to consult a psychologist.

Try to remember his fears are real to him. And if he's even heard a snippet of the news he may know that the storms you guys had for a few weeks down there were extremely deadly. He needs comfort and security more than anything right now, in order to feel strong enough to move on.


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Kris77
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09 May 2011, 8:29 am

Thank you to all of you for your advice!

My son and I have been reasoning about thunderstorms and what the "good" things about them are over the weekend. The last couple of nights have been a little better. He hasn't woken up until about 2 am and there is no screaming or crying involved. He just walks into my room and looks at me. I walked him back to his room, turned his sound machine back on, and reassured him. I did have to stay for a few hours on Sat night until he fell back asleep, but last night I walked him back to bed, explained that I was right across the hall if he needed me, and he seemed to be at peace with me leaving. His sound machine is on a "sleep timer" so it cuts off after an hour, and he would wake me up again. This happened 3 times last night which is a major improvement. I asked if he heard or saw anything, and he said no, he just woke up.

I noticed Sat night that he is not sleeping as deeply as he normally would and jerks at the smallest sound. His hearing seems to be "on alert", just waiting for a noise to wake him up. I'm sure this figures to everyone else, but my son is normally such a sound sleeper. Watching him flail around in his sleep is both surprising and heartwrenching to me. I agree with you all that patience is the key and just letting his mind absorb the fact that he is safe and secure will take some time. His fears are real and he truly is traumatized. We'll work together to make night time restful for him again.

Thanks again for your concern!



momsparky
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09 May 2011, 10:51 am

We don't have this particular one, but we've discovered that many of these behaviors respond well to OCD methods. At the recommendation of a therapist, we bought a copy of "What to do when your brain gets stuck" and went over it with my son (who's 10, so a little older) and now when he's afraid (if it fits the profile,) we go over how his brain might be reacting to something in an OCD way. Essentially, this is what you've been doing: going over the actual event in a rational way - but it helps our son to remember that his brain may be overreacting.

We did explain to DS that he hasn't been diagnosed with OCD, but there are some ways in which his brain is similar. There is some overlap between AS rigidity and perseveration and the obsessions of OCD.



anni
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09 May 2011, 5:28 pm

What does he think is going to happen to him because of the storm? The power the fear has over him is something he needs to conquer. Really talk it out. Will the house get struck by lightning and burn down? Will he get struck by lightning and die? Will mum and dad die? Don't put the ideas in his head.. these are just some of the things that he may be thinking. At his age, he's pretty close to the age where kids start worrying that something might happen to their parents. They start to grasp the concept that living things can die. Once you find out what he's really frightened about, you can make an action plan that he feels good about of what he can do when a storm comes again. It might lead you to a lot of other stuff he's been thinking about. They can be quite deep thinkers. One of my kids provoked us into thinking about what would happen to our kids if something happened to us, and once they knew it was really unlikely but if it happened, they would go and live with Nanna, it took the mystery and insecurity out of it. It quite amazes me the things they worry about, and it's a huge mistake to trivialise their fears. You can practice the action plan for the next storm while there's no storm, much like a fire drill.

Here's an example. If our house got struck by lightning, it would catch fire and we'd all burn to death.
The reality: We have smoke detectors, so the alarm would go off and wake us all up. Let's draw a plan of our house and work out the best exits if that happens. If there's a fire in the lounge room, we would come to your room and we'd all get out through your window. Do you want to practice that to make sure it works?

Basically it's about defusing the fear.



Kris77
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10 May 2011, 7:58 am

Thank you. I completely agree and will take all that advice into consideration.

Good news though... last night was great! He only got out of bed one time with no crying or screaming, and went right back to bed (and to sleep) without incident! We celebrated this morning. =)