Kids at my school turned my Autistic friend HORRIBLE

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anikatheoddone
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11 May 2011, 8:09 pm

(Not trying to offend anyone. My guy friend used to not be like this)
I have this guy friend and he started out really nice the past 3 years I've known him, but now he's changed. He talks very sexual now and doesn't know when to be quiet about sex. He asked my best friend if she wanted to see his.......never mind!! !! !! !! !! !! !! You can probably guess what that boy said.
He also doesn't seem to know what he says sometimes is very racist. He asked me once if it's ok to insult Mexicans WHEN I'M DATING A MEXICAN!! !! !! !! After I said no he asked if it was ok to insult other types of people. And he did the same to one of my friends today! I don't get why he would do that, ESPECIALLY when he asked me, an Italian, if it was ok to insult Italians!! !! I don't get why he DOESN'T know what he said was racist even though I told him a million times that it was!! !!
ALSO he won't quit saying Hello Kitty sucks to me and my best friend even though me and her BOTH like Hello Kitty, wear Hello Kitty things, and told him I don't know how many times that it's VERY impolite to say something sucks to a person who is a fan of it. My mom thinks he's just trying to annoy me and my friend because she KNOWS autistic people, my dad is Asperger's, I'm Asperger's (and ADD), and my sister is Asperger's with a SERIOUS anger management problem. So she's probably right.
He's really mean to his aid now but he used to be really nice to her. He's always saying really hateful, violent things about her but she's actually really cool. Sure, I don't like feeling autistic and never really want an aid, but she's nice and easy to stand (the aid's sort of my aid to...and my best friend's aid also because she has ADHD and like I said before, I'm not just an Aspie, I have ADD too) Plus, the aid likes PANDAS! Who can hate a panda-lover, I mean SERIOUSLY?

So what should I do to get my Autistic guy friend into because the nice guy he used to be?



mb1984
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11 May 2011, 8:57 pm

Well, I'm going to guess that your friend is of a similar age as you. Autistic or not, boys start really changing around 12-15. They really aren't the same people they used to be. Same thing for girls, although we just act different than boys. Generally, a lot of them are gross. No offense boys, but we all know it. All of us mothers raising you, and wives taking care of you. (Just joking of course!)

Puberty is a terrible, rotten time, and I thank God it only happens once.

As for the insults, I personally believe that autism or not...obviously he is fairly high functioning...that's no excuse to be (seemingly) insulting on purpose. I expect my children to be respectful at all times, whether they are NT or not.


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11 May 2011, 9:06 pm

I went through a phase much like this (and am still recovering from it somewhat), though I didn't go the sexual or racial route with my insults. What happened was that I tried to make friends but failed constantly, so I started analyzing what groups of friends did with each other. I noticed that they were often playfully insulting one another and that this was seen as a sign of friendship among the group members. So, I added (supposedly) playful insulting jokes into my repertoire in an attempt to gain friends. Of course, that doesn't work very well for making friends, but rather tends to be taken as straight up insulting. I theorize that your friend is doing much the same thing. He sees that friends often insult each other and it's taken as a positive thing, so he's giving it a try.

Sadly, I still struggle with this behavior sometimes. It doesn't help that my facial expressions are not the most robust and when I am joking my face does not convey such and the person takes my joke as an actual insult. Hopefully, someone can explain sufficiently to your friend that this is not remotely a good idea and will only lead to him losing friends, not gaining them.



jmnixon95
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11 May 2011, 9:09 pm

I can't SAY that I REALLY know how to HELP you in this situation; but as the ABOVE POSTERS stated, PUBERTY probably plays a HUGE part in the changes occurring WITH YOUR FRIEND.



CockneyRebel
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11 May 2011, 9:12 pm

I'm guessing that he's acting that way, due to the fact that he's in puberty and there are hormones surging through his body right now. There might have been some kids who were giving him a hard time, and he started acting that way to keep his peers away from him.


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