porn (18+)

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Intellectually, I am ok with porn. Human sexuality is a complicated thing, too often shoe-horned (excuse the imagery) into societal constraints - which may include monogamy. I understand this. However, the knowledge that my husband looks at photographs of other naked women while masturbating causes me intense emotional pain. Anyone else in a similar situation?

Not me. I like it and will come over to "help" him, ha ha. But I am not making light of your pain. I understand this is horrible for monogamous women.

I've no problem with that, I do the same.

No, sorry but I've never understood why this upsets some people. I'd not want to actually see my boyfriend watching porn - caught an ex doing this once, it made me uncomfortable not knowing what to do - just like I'm sure my boyfriend wouldn't want to know what I'm fantasising about when I masturbate, but I have no problem with my boyfriend looking at porn.

Last edited by Bloodheart on 16 Jun 2011, 1:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm monogamous and I don't care if my boyfriend looks at porn. What difference does it make? I like seeing naked attractive people too, it doesn't mean I love or want to be with my S.O. any less.

If he allows me to write erotic stuff than I should be able to accept him using porn occasionally. If it was pictures of an acquaintance I would see a problem. My ex had porn that I viewed because I was curious but there was only one tape that actually looked like both actually enjoyed it, so I didn't really see it as much of a threat.

Try thinking of it this way-- at least he is looking at pictures of women he doesn't know and will never meet instead of cheating. If it bothers you because you have problems with the way you look, try to remember that obviously he loves you and wants to be with you, or he wouldn't be. Have you tried asking him why he likes it? Maybe it's just a way for him to get a little "strange" without being unfaithful.

If it makes you unhappy, then he shouldn't do it. It's a simple as that. If he can't respect that, then he's the one doing wrong, not you.
What you're feeling is a perfectly normal reaction. But of course not many people will tell you that because nowadays thinking that looking at another woman with lust is wrong or being anti-porn is not politicly correct.

It's not as simple as that. It's nothing to do with 'political correctness', lusting over other people and sexual fantasy is a normal and healthy part of human nature and sexuality. What she has to respect is that her partner is a human being and she has no right to force him to suppress his sexuality or human nature, nor can she have control over her partners thoughts, feelings, sexuality, and privacy - it doesn't mean he should be totally dismissive to her feelings, but she has to meet him half way. What she is feeling is normal, but how she feels is an issue she has, it does not make him wrong.

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

In response to the last one: I do not expect to gain or maintain control over my partner's feelings/sexuality, nor do I think my emotional response is a "problem" - jealousy is just as natural as sex drive. From my point of view, porn is detrimental to relationships, but I am not demanding anything of my husband.