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Jamesy
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07 Jul 2011, 10:19 am

Could you try your best to give me advice in thread. thank you.

i am having a problem with one of my friends in my social whick consists of 6 people.

i have known my friend now for 8-9 years
he has dyslexia
he can be very moody and unpleasent sometimes esspecially in the past 3 years
his father died of a heart attack 2 years ago
his father was beaten up the by police 3 years ago
he works as a aircraft engineer so that can be stressful job cuase if you make one mistake you get nearly a life sentence in prision.
in school he was lot more chilled and more friendly than he his now.
sometimes he can be rude to me and blank me out on purpourse when i am out with my friends
he gives me lifts back home in his car after social gatherings and we usually have a nice friendly chat then
he is aware i have aspergers syndrome.
the first time i encountered him in a sports lesson at school he asked me why i walked so funny
he is very overweight and has had problems with drugs, smoking and alcohol which sent him into depression
he is 21 years old
he is known to be a bullshiter
he conffesed too me 2 years ago shortly after his dad died that he was taking medication for 'agression'
according to him he gets into a lot of fights with strangers but sometimes its hard too tell if he's not lying about it or not?
Was kinda rude to him 3 years ago becuase i delibrately avoided and was blunt with him becasue i disliked him back then more than i do know even when he was trying too be friendly. for that matter as well i have been rude too a lot of my friends in the past.


I am just struggling becuase he is quite an imposing guy who has a short temper so he can be very initimidating and threatening at times. I know he has been through a lot with his family problems so i can understand from his point of view how tough things. also i can be very moody becuase of my AS as well.



MollyTroubletail
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07 Jul 2011, 10:36 am

I'd feel anxious to have a friend who was moody, got into frequent fights, had a temper control problem, and on top of all that had drug and alcohol substance abuse issues. Lowering your inhibitions and being high or drunk, is a powder-keg situation for someone who's got anger management problems. It can take just one spark to set some of these people off.



Orr
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07 Jul 2011, 10:55 am

I would work on avoiding a person you describe. Whether the fights exist or not, I perceive mentioning them as threatening behaviour, especially if you were alone with your friend at that time.


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Jamesy
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07 Jul 2011, 11:03 am

The problem is both him and i are both young men with raging testosterone temper problems. i myself have developed some muscle recently and do karate and although he is bigger than me it would be awful if we both get into an argument or a physical fight. in fact when i am talking to him i have to be cautious what i say too him. somtimes i use alcohol as a means to chill out cause of my anger management problems

thank god i don't have to live with him. i honestly i don't get why my friends are so chilled out with the friend i am talking about. my friend wants to join the army if the aircraft job does not work out for him.

its impossible to avoid him because he is part of my main friendship circle? Do you agree that my friends are not being very considerate about this one particular guy because really i am an easy target because of my AS.



Orr
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07 Jul 2011, 11:50 am

Quote:
i myself have developed some muscle recently and do karate


Perhaps this intimidates your friend.
Quote:
sometimes i use alcohol as a means to chill out cause of my anger management problems


When do you feel that you have anger management problems?


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Jamesy
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07 Jul 2011, 11:57 am

I have a lot of anger management issues but that is a seprate matter since were here to discuss my friend not my anger issues.



Orr
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07 Jul 2011, 12:50 pm

I was wondering if you found being around your friend/s triggered anger issues.

You have mentioned little in this thread regarding your other friends, so their consideration of your issue with the friend you have detailed is impossible. I would say it might be inconsiderate of you to expect your friends to change, but I believe you should consider your own self, and if that means finding a different group of friends, who care more about your well-being, that may be difficult but possibly worthwhile.


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Jamesy
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07 Jul 2011, 1:52 pm

the rest of my group are different from the friend who has issues.



Raymond_Fawkes
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07 Jul 2011, 1:55 pm

I have a friend similar to that.. except she self-diagnosed herself bi-polar. I accept that it's nothing personal, she is the way she is .. and I know she's still caring and everything, just when your moody to stay away.. I suppose my advise would be to tell him your feelings and what makes you sad and what you like about him.. try to direct his feelings in your presence instead of letting them go free bound



Jamesy
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07 Jul 2011, 5:47 pm

listen my friend is actually a nice guy underneath it all and i really would go too him for advice in a time of crisis....... at the same time though he is NOT someone who i would like to live with or be alone with for a long duration of time becuase of unpredictable temper. it really is like tredding on egg shells not pissing him off.

back 2005/2006 he was the nicest guy you could ever wish too meet always cheery and never really moody but as they say people change and he is a shadow of the person he was back when i knew him in school. It seems these days the more the years go by the less friendly he is becoming.



CockneyRebel
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07 Jul 2011, 8:46 pm

I'd be a basket case if I had a friend like that. I don't do well with those types of people.


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Jamesy
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08 Jul 2011, 9:19 am

why don't you do well those types of people?