It really varies. Some people fail out and blame others because they have no introspect to see their own transgressions. Admittedly those who do to the best of their ability and still have no luck also realize that its pointless to criticize gender - criticize nature, criticize the essence of what 'life' is and the genes its based on, not much else is really anyone's fault unless we want to start blaming people for being alive.
I've heard NT's say before and I think they're right - we're all broken in our own ways and we're trying to find people who are broken in similar ways or, if that's not a good thing, at least ways where we can put up with and manage each other's flaws. AS is more a dealbreaker because of what it does to our outward presence and ability to trigger chemistry, its a mechanics of attraction issue I think more than a 'we're not good enough'.
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“Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. I use the word "love" here not merely in the personal sense but as a state of being, or a state of grace - not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth.” - James Baldwin