Package from my dad and his wife.

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Today I recieved a package from my oh so wonderful dad and his wife. There was also a note:

Makayla,

Here is the final souvenir from the Bahamas. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did, especially since I put it together. This album is something I wanted to so since we got back. And thanks to Hannah, it is done. Hope you're having a great summer.

Love and miss you,
Christy.

The adresser section of the package said it was from her and my dad, but my dad didn't contribute to it. I guess my step-mom is the one who cares about how I feel. She was also the one eager to learn about my diagnosis.

Maybe her enthusiasm and love can get my father to change?

Sometimes relationships can get one of the people to change. Sometimes for the better. Kind of like if ur a drinker and u find someone who doesn`t drink or hates alcohol and then the alcoholic can change for the better and eventually stop or cut down quite a bit. So hopefully your dad is changing for the better because of your step-mom.

It is possible... but please do not pin your happiness in it. Try to have a good relationship with your step-mom instead.

I am sorry your dad is not capable of being a good loving parent to you. Know that it is not that he does not want to be one but that he is just not capable. The same way as if you handed a teenager to a three-year-old and said, "Here. here's your daughter. Love her and care about her." The three-year-old would want to love you and would make attempts to love you in their own way - smaile at you maybe, etc. - but in no way can a three-year-old be a good parent to anyone, and for whatever reason your dad at this point in his life anyway sounds not ready to be a good actively caring parent to you. Maybe your stepmother will change him like other posters said, maybe not, but please know you're eminiently worthy of love and if your dad were capable of it he would express to you the love you're worthy of because you are BY DEFINITION lovable, if you see what I mean. I know I don't know your dad but I can say that much.

I'm sorry you deal with such a tough situation and I admire you for your strength and I hope you have ACTIVE love and caring coming toward you from the other people in your life.

It could happen, but I wouldn't count on it. I'd say it's unlikely, but keep in mind that I don't know your father outside from what I've read here, which isn't much.

I am confused how exactly do you know he did not contribute at all, maybe I missed it.

But yeah that is not cool, that he would not be intrested in you at all.

It was in her handwriting.

Could be....or maybe she just did the writing. have you had issues with your dad before? if so that makes more sense but it would be weird if out of the blue he all the sudden does not care.

It's not uncommon for older men not to reach out to others in terms of sending cards, gifts, and so on, but it doesn't mean they don't care. It's just not something they think to do, especially in the context of a relationship where someone has always done it on their behalf.

Anytime I received a card from my grandparents with both of their names on it, I was quite sure one of them (my grandfather) had nothing to do with it. When my grandmother died, I did continue to receive cards from my grandfather but I'm highly suspicious that his girlfriend didn't have anything to do with it.

After my parents divorced, I did receive a few cards from my father eventually. This was odd. So odd, in fact, that it was apparent that the driving force behind this was his girlfriend....I've heard her coach him on these things, and after years and years of being prompted to send cards, he will now do it of his own accord provided he remembers that there is an occasion to send a card for.

It is common in older people relationships for the wife to be the secertary to the husband.

I can write only about my experience with my parents in hope it can shed some light on the pathway to the solution of your problem. I suppose my dad is a semi-Aspie, and as such, his social skills are rather limited. He's not totally aware of his limitations, so in everyday life it causes him problems regularly. For years I've believed my dad didn't really love me, my mom, who can show her feelings much better, loved me way more. He always liked my sister better, and I believe he still does in the bottom of his heart after she have disappointed him deeply many many times. Still, if you had listened to a typical conversation between our family members one of these days, you might have thought my dad is overly judgmental and hurtful on my sister. He simply can not realize the effect of his words on her. She suffers it very badly, I can see it. Although I'm too leaned toward criticism against her (she deserves it, or I think she does at least to a degree), I've made efforts to help her relieve some of the pressure that primarily my dad and unfortunately my mom too imposed on her. I felt so sorry for her.

So, if you have experienced that your father is either overly judgmental on you or ignores you too much, it may be that he is only not up to it. In this case, don't expect much of him. Maybe talking with him honestly about delicate topics such as the ones you think might be the result of autistic traits in him, his ideas, ideals, goals that he pursued in his life, his failures as he perceives them, the image as he likes to thinks of you etc., not forgetting to compliment, comfort and console him whenever it seem necessary (beware, talking about delicate topics as such may require it unexpectedly, so be prepared) can help to understand each other better, and eventually may result to a better relationship with him.