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lokilost
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23 Jul 2011, 6:25 pm

I am 19 and no longer living with my family. As a child I was misdiagnosed multiple times, and only in the past year have I gotten diagnosed as having High Functioning Autism. The diagnosis was not made lightly, and I feel that we've finally found the correct Diagnosis.

My aunt, however disagrees. I have tried to explain to her why we believe it fits, and have tried having my Fiance (who has a degree in psychology and serves as my medical guardian) explain as well. My family being a Matriarchal family, I risk losing all contact with the family members I care about, such as my younger brother, and not being able to return home to marry my fiance.

How do I convince my aunt that this is truly what I have, and that having this diagnosis is helping me learn about my problems and how to handle them better rather than allowing me to hide behind a diagnosis?



OddFiction
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23 Jul 2011, 7:30 pm

I had a similar reaction from my parents when I proposed the idea.

For some reason they don't seem to hear us when we say we plan to use the diagnosis as a stepping stone - as a tool to advance in self understanding - rather than as a crutch, or an excuse to "continue misbehaving in the future" (as my father put it).

You make your intentions / relief clear in your text above, but for some reason, the verbal translation never seems to be effective.


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23 Jul 2011, 7:39 pm

I would just forget about the aunt and not be around her at all. You have already tried and she doesn't believe it.



lokilost
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23 Jul 2011, 7:55 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I would just forget about the aunt and not be around her at all. You have already tried and she doesn't believe it.


As I mentioned, my family is matriarchal. My aunt is the head of the family. If I do not appease her in everything, she could make it so that I could never see my younger brother again, something very important to me, among other things, like not being able to go home to get married, not being allowed access to family records (I'm in the process of updating them as a gift to my Uncle, who is a historian and ill), and not being allowed to speak to or contact any of my other family members.



lokilost
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23 Jul 2011, 7:59 pm

OddFiction wrote:
I had a similar reaction from my parents when I proposed the idea.

For some reason they don't seem to hear us when we say we plan to use the diagnosis as a stepping stone - as a tool to advance in self understanding - rather than as a crutch, or an excuse to "continue misbehaving in the future" (as my father put it).

You make your intentions / relief clear in your text above, but for some reason, the verbal translation never seems to be effective.


That really bugs me, because I've been working so hard at things now that I know what's wrong. It frustrates me a lot when someone tells me that I can be as normal as I want to be, and I just need to "grow up" and stop being so immature/manipulative/etc. when I'm trying so hard.

I really just want her to accept that this is what I have, and that regardless of what she thinks I have, I'm not using anything as an excuse, I'm trying to learn to function better.



lokilost
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23 Jul 2011, 7:59 pm

OddFiction wrote:
I had a similar reaction from my parents when I proposed the idea.

For some reason they don't seem to hear us when we say we plan to use the diagnosis as a stepping stone - as a tool to advance in self understanding - rather than as a crutch, or an excuse to "continue misbehaving in the future" (as my father put it).

You make your intentions / relief clear in your text above, but for some reason, the verbal translation never seems to be effective.


That really bugs me, because I've been working so hard at things now that I know what's wrong. It frustrates me a lot when someone tells me that I can be as normal as I want to be, and I just need to "grow up" and stop being so immature/manipulative/etc. when I'm trying so hard.

I really just want her to accept that this is what I have, and that regardless of what she thinks I have, I'm not using anything as an excuse, I'm trying to learn to function better.



littlelily613
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23 Jul 2011, 8:15 pm

So, I am assuming you live in a country outside of North America/ Europe? (Out of complete curiousity, would you tell me which country you live in--I study anthropology at school and we don't come across too many matriarchal cultures!) Some traditional cultures/households, simply are not going to change over night unfortunately. Normally I would say, if your aunt is being like that, don't have anything to do with her unless you need to. Unfortunately, in your case, this is not practical. When you get married will you live with your husband, or will you live in a large extended household with your aunt? If you get to move away, this could probably be easily remedied by simply not mentioning it again to her. It doesn't mean that you do not have ASD, you can just refrain from discussing it with her. This would allow you to maintain access to your brother, yes? If you do live inside of North America and just have a different culture or lifestyle, as an adult sister, you could probably get legal access to your brother whether your aunt likes it or not.


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CockneyRebel
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23 Jul 2011, 9:58 pm

I think that you should forget about your aunt and live your own life. Who cares what she thinks?


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DiabloDave363
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23 Jul 2011, 10:20 pm

lokilost wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I would just forget about the aunt and not be around her at all. You have already tried and she doesn't believe it.


As I mentioned, my family is matriarchal. My aunt is the head of the family. If I do not appease her in everything, she could make it so that I could never see my younger brother again, something very important to me, among other things, like not being able to go home to get married, not being allowed access to family records (I'm in the process of updating them as a gift to my Uncle, who is a historian and ill), and not being allowed to speak to or contact any of my other family members.

ur an adult, u can do wat u want



littlelily613
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23 Jul 2011, 10:28 pm

DiabloDave363 wrote:
lokilost wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I would just forget about the aunt and not be around her at all. You have already tried and she doesn't believe it.


As I mentioned, my family is matriarchal. My aunt is the head of the family. If I do not appease her in everything, she could make it so that I could never see my younger brother again, something very important to me, among other things, like not being able to go home to get married, not being allowed access to family records (I'm in the process of updating them as a gift to my Uncle, who is a historian and ill), and not being allowed to speak to or contact any of my other family members.

ur an adult, u can do wat u want


People in our part of the world think this way because that is how it is here. This individual might live in another country where the laws are not the same here, so people need to understand that the key issue is that she does not want to lose access to her brother. While she can do what she wants, what she does NOT want is losing this access. Depending on the laws of where she comes from, this might mean that she canNOT fully cut off ties from this aunt.


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EQ=8 SQ=93 (Extreme Systemizer)
Alexithymia Quiz=164/185 (high)


Guilted_Lady
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23 Jul 2011, 10:36 pm

Have you tried buying her a book or bringing her some printouts on Asperger's Syndrome?


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