Is this aspie thinking or just male thinking?

Post Reply New Topic

Daughter, age 11 has had a chronic problem with head lice, despite multiple treatments etc. It was arranged for her to go to a hairdresser appointment where they were going to thin out her hair and help treat the problem.

It was arranged that her Dad take her. He took her along to the appointment and also took our son (7) and his friend from school. They stood in the hairdressers with her while she sat in the chair discussing the problem with the hairdresser. Daughter turned to her Dad and asked him to take the boys out of the salon, perhaps to the playground.

Basically, I arrive home from work 2 hours later to find my daughter upset that her Dad did not respect her privacy during the hairdressing appointment and that she did not appreciate having two 7 year old boys knowing all about it.
My husband, on the other hand, says our daughter was being rude to him in the hairdressers and telling him to leave the salon and go to the playground with the boys.

What i see is a normal 11 year old girl who is developing and wanting to have privacy around certain issues and her father is just not getting that whole concept. There have been other similar issues recently.
Just wondering your thoughts on the above scenario?

It is hard to differentiate my aspieness from my male thinking and my own personality. I do know that I have very definite ideas about how I expect events and situations to pan out and if people decide to do the unexpected or make demands that I hadn't expected then I can become quite anxious and rigid in my thinking, and to my mind it appears that they are the ones being inflexible and obtuse. This has always been a source of frustration for my family but even being aware of it I find it very hard to adapt so ingrained is this facet of me.

I don't think this behavior is limited to either.

Concerning your daughter's head lice problem, perhaps she does have very thick hair that is difficult to comb out, but there is likely something re-infecting her. The entire family should undergo head lice treatment as it's possible to be asymptomatic. All hair brushes and combs should be thrown out along with anything that has been in anyone's hair and all of the clothes and bedding should be washed, the furniture and car should be sprayed and the process of spraying and washing should be repeated frequently.

No offense, but in the US head lice is a MAJOR embarrasement! NO real American would be so open about it. I'm surprised the salon doesn't tell you to go to hell, and black ball you.

Does your daughter never come within say 7 feet of any of the guys? Does she live in another home, go to another school, NEVER sit in the same seats, always take different transportation, live in a different home, NEVER come over to their home, go to a different school etc? I am betting the answer to all those questions is NO! If even ONE answer is no, SHE, YOU, and her FATHER, have an OBLIGATION to tell the boys!

You tell her that that is the RIGHT thing to do because she is a DANGER to THEM and their stuff! FURTHER, should she fail to do that and IS suddenly cured, THEY and their stuff becomes a danger to HER and she will ONLY see the problem again.

I never had lice, but am observant and curious. In the US, in drug stores, there is a little kit you can buy with a special comb, fluid, etc... I never bought one, so I don't know specifics, but ask at the store.

Basically, you have to inspect her hair and, using a special NIT comb, comb out the eggs. You also have to treat the hair with the fluid, etc. You have to check your boys ALSO! LUCKILY, they may be less likely to have them. You also have to check your husband. Someone has to check YOU. You have to check at least everything that any infected person came in contact with. I believe you MIGHT be able to simply wash infected towels and sheets. Until all this is done, your daughter has the best chance of getting REinfected!

When I was a young kid, I heard this myth that girls had "cooties". It is almost a part of VERY young (like to 8yo) male culture in the US. Personally, I never thought much about it. A GAME was even put out around it. Well, it turns out that it apparently is about LICE! Young girls may be lazy, and have their LONG hair treated so they are expected to wash their hair less frequently and in dirty areas that is a recipe for head lice. And people here call people that find fault with EVERYTHING NIT pickers. It turns out NITS are eggs of lice.

I ALSO heard that during WWII prisoners in concentration camps shaved their hair and put it at the doors. The NAZIs didn't want to cross because of the lice.

Your daughter has NO rights here! You should tell the family, AND the school. If she took highly critical plutonium to school, would you not tell them? lice are the bug equivalent.

BTW ANOTHER thing! SHE might have been infected by a friend, or may have infected a friend. In either case, if that friend is not checked, your daughter has a good chance of getting reinfected! You see NOW why it is your OBLIGATION?

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/lice/DS00368
http://www.headlice.org/

I'm SCARED for your kids. If I am not preaching to the choir here, you shouldn't hav kids. DON'T look at her as your daughter. HECK, dn't even look at her as your kid! Look at her as a FELLOW HUMAN BEING! Some things are embarassing, but EVERYONE around her needs to be watching for this at about the same time. If she is cured, and lets her guard down, and THEY haven't yet taking care of their problem, she WILL likely get reinfected. Likewise, the reverse is true. What is NEXT, the MEASLES? Did you know that german measles are worse for males over say the age of 12 than anyone else? Think of the measles as the male equivalent to lice.

BTW I am saying NOTHING against girls. lice just like long unwashed hair, so males usually are less likely to get them. And I am saying NOTHING against privacy. It is ONLY in cases like this were people have a contagious disease or parasite.

Last edited by 2ukenkerl on 02 Aug 2011, 8:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

I thought this topic was about girls development and personal space...did it suddenly switch to something completely different when I wasn't watching?

I would say both are at fault...maybe it is time you taught your daughter about how to suggest things in a way that it makes a man think he came up with the idea in that inate way you ladies have?

Yes, she was blunt and no one likes taking orders from an 11 year old...

~~

By the way, the statement about "lice just like long unwashed hair" is so completely wrong to be crazy, they like any hair and can hit anyone, they prefer CLEAN hair though.

Yes, that was quite bizarre.

The first two statements above say "Daughter, age 11 has had a chronic problem with head lice, despite multiple treatments etc. It was arranged for her to go to a hairdresser appointment where they were going to thin out her hair and help treat the problem. "! Are YOU going to say LICE are a part of a girls development? They are INSECTS, they do NOT respect personal space. HECK, if they did, they wouldn't be a problem. and nope, the daughter is AT LEAST 100% at fault! The father did the right thing, even if unintended.

This is NOT a male/female thing, and the daughter has NO rights concerning this. It is a GOOD THING too, because if she had things HER way, she would be infected FOREVER!

OH WAIT:



OH, I guess she DOES have some privacy.

Eventually, people may fit the pieces together, and she will be a hated pariah!

I am not sure if you are being entirely serious, but your follow-up post convinces me that you are.

This thread is not about the treatment of the head lice. This thread is about the fact that the girl wanted some privacy and had a communications breakdown with her father. The context of head lice is irrelevant to the situation.

And, really, to compare it to radioactive plutonium is just madness.

As far as the original problem goes, perhaps your daughter was dancing a bit too much around the issue.

Like I said, privacy isn't the question! It is almost like saying you crashed into a neighbors car by accident, they owed you $50 earlier, and you are asking how to get it back.

Frankly, males often don't want to be at salons. The father probably thought this was the best way to watch the kids. But if she has lice, they have to know.

As for plotonium, it may be a BIT of a stretch, but it IS a health concern that COULD quickly spread all over town.

Let's say her friend has a friend, and that friend hugs an aunt in another state. If their WHOLE STATE gets cleaned, that friend could visit and hug her aunt again, come back hug her friend, and her friend could hug her, or loan her her hair brush, and she could get infected ALL OVER again! It isn't 100%, but it CAN happen. It isn't even really a long shot. That shows how things like this can spread. after all, SHE got it from somewhere else!

I don't really see how privacy isn't the question. We can't even be sure that she had head lice at this particular point in time. In fact, I would say that she was clean given the fact that she was going to the salon in the first place. The treatment she was getting was simply to prevent further head lice problems. Why would a salon blackball a simple, clean request to help with a minor issue, when the lice aren't present and with a treatment which could actually help the girl to stop getting lice?

As far as privacy goes, yes, it does matter, since people get extremely upset about head lice when they are not that big a deal (I always liked the South Park episode on head lice, that gives you an idea). There's no point in making the girl into a social pariah just because she has a problem with head lice.

If you carry a critical mass of plutonium or breathe it, it kills you. If you carry head lice, you have to use weird shampoo. I'd say there's no comparing them.

It says treat the problem.



It would be almost like a hospital taking a person with the measles. They would want to make sure that person stays away from the others, etc... The problem is that lice can linger and there are more of them than say ticks, etc... I imagine most salons don't want to deal with it. And HOPEFULLY they sterilize combs and the like.



Well, if she isn't HONEST....



YOU SEE, THAT is part of the problem! As I understand it, shampoo CAN kill the lice, but NOT the eggs! So if you try to kill the lice, and even if you SUCCEED, the lice will just come back! THAT is why those kits exist. It would be nce if they just had a shampoo to do the job. apparently, they DON'T!

Calm down, 2ukenkerl. They're only bugs.

My step-daughter keeps getting head-lice. Her mother continually blames my daughter. My daughter has never had head lice. My oldest had head lice once waaaay back in Kindergarten (he's 15 now) and I remember that as pretty cool. It was the only time I've seen head lice in person. Even with him sharing a room with his brother, nobody else in the family got head lice. Anyway, I offered to take care of my step-daughter during her most recent outbreak just to make sure she's properly treated this time and kept a few days in a proper lice-free environment so they don't come back (and to make sure her mother doesn't cut her hair super short like she did last time)! I'm not scared of the little buggers.

That being said, the OP's daughter's privacy should have been respected. She didn't need to delve into the matter of bugs in her hair while her brothers were five feet away from her. They're probably aware and obviously their father is aware, so with parents taking care of all of them, they don't need to be omg!super-informed and right up in her business when she's trying to discuss an intimate problem with her hair stylist. Maybe, if it's suitable for 2ukenkerl, they should all sit in on her discussion with her GYN about her menstrual cramps because her sanitary items take up space in the cabinet and in the trash and that obviously affects the entire family.

Head lice is to plutonuim what the menstrual cycle is to __________.

I'm not sure it's a male thing or an aspie thing but I know it's a self-centered thing to not leave because he's so wrapped up in thinking that situation was about him. OMG SHE WAS RUDE TO ME! Dad needs to learn to pick his battles and to learn that the world does not revolve around him and his ego. Do as she asks and then discuss with her later more appropriate and respectful ways to ask for what she wants from him. Lord help him if he dares to understand that not everyone is the most polite when they're upset about a situation.


PS: 2ukenkerl - head lice treatments kill the eggs as well as the bugs. Science is awesome.

I interpreted that as meaning that her thick hair was part of the issue and made it easier for the head lice to come back, and that was the problem they were seeking to fix. I doubt the salon would do the treatment if she currently had head lice, and if they did, they would be out of business fairly soon if other clients got head lice from them.



But that would mean that the boys should not even have gone with the father to the salon in the first place, because they risked contamination.



The problem is that honesty doesn't matter. If the simple possession of head lice makes someone into a social pariah, then it is logical for her not to want people to know.



Now, I'll be honest and say that I am not an expert on head lice. On the other hand, if what you say is true, head lice would be impossible to eradicate. As far as I know, the shampoo kills the lice, and sufficient washing then takes away the eggs.

Edit before posting: I looked up the Wikipedia article, and since the shampoo kills the lice but not the eggs, you should redo the treatment after five and after ten days, when all eggs have hatched. That would eradicate the entire infestation.

Obviously, the only way to properly handle this situation is by making her wear the letter L on her shirt.

2ukenkerl, this is not a thread about head lice, how to eradicate head lice, products that may help with head lice, how unpleasant head lice are to have or even the history and evolution of head lice.

Head lice are just incidental.

I'm not sure anyone would really understand that. I'm also not sure but think you are being slightly sarcastic.

If so, I would suggest that the only realistic option is for her to wear a bathing hat all the time (you know, those weird plastic things that make sure your hair doesn't get wet).