How do I become thick-skinned?

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I don't even associate this with having AS because all of my family are very thin-skinned people, so it must be some sort of family trait I've got (because there a lot of Aspies out there who are thick-skinned). Like the rest of my family, I am a sweet, kind, sensitive person who lets people s**t upon me, and if I ever do retaliate back to people, I come off worse. This is exactly what happens to the rest of my family. My uncle's girlfriend continuously hit his little 9-month-old baby, and so my uncle just pushed her away to defend his baby, and she got him done for domestic violence. That is one of many incidents that happens to people in my family.

But anyway - I am too thin-skinned, and I really don't know how to become thick-skinned. I am too paranoid about what other people think, and I just cannot change myself. I can't just suddenly not care starting tomorrow, because it's like being sensitive and sweet and respectable is part of my personality and is part of who I am. I can't just wake up tomorrow and become thick-skinned because I don't really know how. I just hope I automatically change into a more emotionally tough person as I get middle-aged or something. At the moment, I am not. I cry easily, I feel like a sore prik a lot, I worry about what other people think, and I think I suffer from ''stage fright'', and it doesn't mean I'm frightened of being on a stage. To me it means I don't like standing out from other people. I'm not sure if this is linked to social phobia and/or anxiety.

Did anyone else here used to feel emotionally fragile then gradually grew into someone more thick-skinned as they got to mid-life? I do know a few middle-aged people who have.

I really want the answer to this as well, I've been told on many occasions that I'm far too sensitive and reactionary. I guess for me it partly comes from being so unsure your whole life about what people mean, and having such difficulty determining when you're being "attacked".
As far as advice, the only long-term success I've had at altering something in my thoughts is repetition of the thoughts I want to be having.

Hi there...

I think you are right that this is not at peculiar to AS, not at all.

I used to be very thin-skinned and spend a great deal of emotional energy trying to figure out what people meant by this, that and the other thing (and I don't have AS). I would feel very wounded by comments or perceived slights.

You.re not gonna like this - but really it does come with time due to greater experience with the world and knowledge of yourself too. It come from feeling more secure in your own identity, I don't know how old you are but this is a thing that really is part of the growth process.

But you can help yourself along with the process too.
You have to get it though your head that people really are isolated from each other, living in their own bag of skin. We all are reacting to the world from our own perspectives and with our own set of problems, weaknesses. Someone might be having a bad day, someone might be a jerk - you don't have to own it- that belongs to them. So sometime it can be helpful to behave "as if" you don't feel what you feeling. You feel upset, you say to yourself "that's their problem" and move on. Do it every time. It can lead to a revelation that this is indeed true. You begin to internalize the message. This is developing healthy defense mechanism. Even so called "NT" are overwhelmed by all the cares they may have, all the sensory overload of our society- gotta tun some it out, have filters about what is allowed in.

If this isn't clear let me know I can try to think of better wording but am a little rushed at the moment...

I am the same way.* I only know that people with these characteristics must be very cautious about relationships so as not to get terribly wounded. It's too bad, but the consequences of getting into bad relationships with careless people can be devastating. I know about that first hand.
My advice is to have a really good therapist teach you, because I'm not sure it's possible to learn on one's own.
Take care and treat yourself as if you are the most important person in life: you are and you have a lot to offer and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

(* and on top of that if I do get angry, I don't know how to control it so (I am middle-aged) if I get angry in an argument I know I have to go to my bedroom and close the door.)

There! You are behaving "as if" all on your own. What happens when you try it? Can you worry a little less and leave the problem behind a little sooner.

I can relate, but I have found no way to accomplish this...in the past I've had the ridiculous notion I could get so messed up on drugs I would just permanantly stop caring so much about what people think...maybe it would work but what would be the cost? not sure I want to find out.......then again I never know what the future will hold.

Other then that sometimes therapy helps people deal with their feelings better so they can handle what other people think and such a bit better.........even that did not seem to help me. I am not really sure how to be less sensative and such though, I feel like in some ways I am less sensative than I used to be but there are times when I get very worried about what others thinks and I hate it.