women have it harder(coming from a male)

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ToadOfSteel
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11 Sep 2011, 12:00 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
I don't know anything about your confidence either, but from what I gather from your posts here, your main problem is delusion and entitlement. Without these two things you'd be less bitter and angry.


I don't think that's how it works. I don't have any delusion or sense of entitlement (if anything, i feel "entitled" only to the worthlessness I have now), and yet people say I am bitter, jaded, and angry...



hyperlexian
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11 Sep 2011, 12:02 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I don't know anything about your confidence either, but from what I gather from your posts here, your main problem is delusion and entitlement. Without these two things you'd be less bitter and angry.


I don't think that's how it works. I don't have any delusion or sense of entitlement (if anything, i feel "entitled" only to the worthlessness I have now), and yet people say I am bitter, jaded, and angry...

who said that? it must have been in real life because it hasn't happened on this site ever.


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ToadOfSteel
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11 Sep 2011, 12:05 pm

Mostly people I talk to off-site... they say I'm jaded over seeing everyone around me in a happy relationship while I'm the only one left alone. And I have to admit that at times I do feel anger... mostly towards myself for being the sack of s**t I am...



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11 Sep 2011, 12:28 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
SadAspy wrote:
I'd probably take this argument that I'm at fault more seriously if you focused on me not being good-looking, rich , or a bad boy (though I don't see why the latter is a good thing, but women sure love them). Instead, you're focusing on my "negative attitude" and "lack of confidence," which are really just shaming tactics.


But its not the reason you can't get anyone. I don't care if you're fat or ugly or poor, I don't know what you look like or anything about you. I have a problem with the fact you feel entitled to relationships and friendships. No-one is entitled to anything, it's every man (and woman) out for their own.

I don't know anything about your confidence either, but from what I gather from your posts here, your main problem is delusion and entitlement. Without these two things you'd be less bitter and angry.

And the other problem is you probably never bother to do anything interesting, how many clubs, night classes, min wage jobs, hobby groups, volunteer work have you done or are doing?


Not everyone belives no one is entitled to anything...now obviously everyone is not entitled to have an intimate relationship but according to psychology having at least some sort of support from friends or family is actually a fairly basic need.


It might be a need, but everyone has the right to not want to give it to you. That's what I mean everyone out for their own. You should never feel entitled for a specific feeling of affection from a specific person if they can think for themselves.

It doesn't mean they're always right, as far as family is concerned I would blame the family for not providing this.. but it ends there. "Friends" are much less expected to do anything. Let alone strangers.


Yes a lot of people have made that very clear...that is why I pretty much just had to take the horrible treatment I got from other students and teachers at school because they had the right to cut you off from positive social interaction penalty free so they can put you in a little box labeled 'The Doomed'

Of course you should not expect someone who is not intrested in a relationship with somone to just go with it so they don't hurt that persons feelings....ideally everyone should have the right to do whatever they want I guess, but if a community for instance decides to single out one individual to deny them any sort of human support something is a bit off.



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11 Sep 2011, 1:47 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Mostly people I talk to off-site... they say I'm jaded over seeing everyone around me in a happy relationship while I'm the only one left alone. And I have to admit that at times I do feel anger... mostly towards myself for being the sack of sh** I am...


There is probably some truth in this statement. Your body can sometimes betray your words, and people can probably feel that energy coming from you, even if you don't even notice this energy building up within you. The mind plays dirty tricks on you if you don't keep the reigns on it.

You have to forgive yourself, whatever it is you are angry at yourself for, forgive, and then you can start to feel happier and go about changing your life. It really can be done. Treat yourself well, my friend.


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LadySera
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11 Sep 2011, 1:52 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
i think we are all better off when people are made to feel welcome with inclusive and supportive interactions as opposed to all the negativity, otherwise the forum itself because less helpful and less useful.


This.

Last time I saw my therapist she asked if I was still talking to the other people with asperger's on the computer. I said not as much because I don't like seeing people being bullied by other people. The same as every other message board I've ever been on in my life (for different interests, work, etc). It's funny how we are so different & yet the same.



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11 Sep 2011, 2:27 pm

LadySera wrote:
Last time I saw my therapist she asked if I was still talking to the other people with asperger's on the computer. I said not as much because I don't like seeing people being bullied by other people. The same as every other message board I've ever been on in my life (for different interests, work, etc). It's funny how we are so different & yet the same.

The biggest differences that you'll see between us and NT's is that they can't read our body language and our immediate here & now instincts are different. Aside from that it seems like we're barely any different.


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11 Sep 2011, 9:28 pm

I wouldn't know who has it harder, because each gender has a separate set of issues to deal with.

In all honesty, I don't really think about it that much. Even then, it doesn't matter, because there's only one person I am interested in, and unfortunately, she is gone forever.



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11 Sep 2011, 10:35 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
I wouldn't know who has it harder, because each gender has a separate set of issues to deal with.

In all honesty, I don't really think about it that much. Even then, it doesn't matter, because there's only one person I am interested in, and unfortunately, she is gone forever.


If you got some more interests and did some more things the infatuation will shift.



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11 Sep 2011, 10:47 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
I wouldn't know who has it harder, because each gender has a separate set of issues to deal with.

In all honesty, I don't really think about it that much. Even then, it doesn't matter, because there's only one person I am interested in, and unfortunately, she is gone forever.


If you got some more interests and did some more things the infatuation will shift.



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11 Sep 2011, 10:52 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
And the other problem is you probably never bother to do anything interesting, how many clubs, night classes, min wage jobs, hobby groups, volunteer work have you done or are doing?


Went to college for six years (and was a TA as well). The girls only wanted a) older, wealthy males or b) bad boys not in school....they generally didn't date their male classmates.

And I've volunteered too.

Grisha wrote:
Where did this idea that money is the only reason you don't have success with women come from?


I never said money was the only way to attract women, but the other ways-good looks or a bad boy persona-are things I will never have. I can at least try to get money (I used to actually have some, and women treated me better then).



hale_bopp
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11 Sep 2011, 11:00 pm

SadAspy wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
And the other problem is you probably never bother to do anything interesting, how many clubs, night classes, min wage jobs, hobby groups, volunteer work have you done or are doing?


Went to college for six years (and was a TA as well). The girls only wanted a) older, wealthy males or b) bad boys not in school....they generally didn't date their male classmates.


Coming for someone who also studied for 6 years I must say universities aren't the best way to meet people to date. It may sound like I'm wrong, but from my experience, these days, most people I know don't date properly until they get into the work force. I didn't get a boyfriend I was really compatible with until I moved towns and worked for a huge company.

You may want to try volunteering somewhere else to meet people your age. Also do some activities and hobbies.



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12 Sep 2011, 4:54 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
I wouldn't know who has it harder, because each gender has a separate set of issues to deal with.

In all honesty, I don't really think about it that much. Even then, it doesn't matter, because there's only one person I am interested in, and unfortunately, she is gone forever.


If you got some more interests and did some more things the infatuation will shift.


The reason it's so difficult is because she embodied all the ideals I desire in a partner. I put up with the lies, the paranoia, the broken promises, even the fact that she didn't want kids (I want kids) because it's very rare to find an Aspie who likes a lot of the things I do.



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12 Sep 2011, 6:10 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
The reason it's so difficult is because she embodied all the ideals I desire in a partner. I put up with the lies, the paranoia, the broken promises, even the fact that she didn't want kids (I want kids) because it's very rare to find an Aspie who likes a lot of the things I do.

You consider lies, paranoia and broken promise as ideals that you desire in a partner? I am confused.


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12 Sep 2011, 6:53 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
The reason it's so difficult is because she embodied all the ideals I desire in a partner. I put up with the lies, the paranoia, the broken promises, even the fact that she didn't want kids (I want kids) because it's very rare to find an Aspie who likes a lot of the things I do.

You consider lies, paranoia and broken promise as ideals that you desire in a partner? I am confused.


No, that's not what I meant. I meant that she had the same interests (the same taste in moves/music/TV, she liked to travel, she had a college degree). Yet I worry that if I focus on good inner qualities, I will end up with someone who is asexual, can't hold down a decent job, and just sits at home and plays video games and nothing else.



hyperlexian
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12 Sep 2011, 7:33 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
The reason it's so difficult is because she embodied all the ideals I desire in a partner. I put up with the lies, the paranoia, the broken promises, even the fact that she didn't want kids (I want kids) because it's very rare to find an Aspie who likes a lot of the things I do.

You consider lies, paranoia and broken promise as ideals that you desire in a partner? I am confused.


No, that's not what I meant. I meant that she had the same interests (the same taste in moves/music/TV, she liked to travel, she had a college degree). Yet I worry that if I focus on good inner qualities, I will end up with someone who is asexual, can't hold down a decent job, and just sits at home and plays video games and nothing else.

why don't you try dating a few different sorts and see which type fits with you best? staying stuck on someone years later is not going to help you find love and happiness in the future. she is gone, that is over, and clinging to her does you a disservice. you deserve better than the kind of treatment she gave you.


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