How do Aspie parents handle kids in school?

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My daughter is 5, and in Kindergarten this year. I've already had a meeting with the school on getting her evaluated, but their decision was that since she *is* learning, if slower than other kids her age in the social arena, she is not ASD and doesn't need formal evaluation. They said she just needs some social help with the school counselor, along with several other kids. Primarily because she was raised at home with family and not in a daycare environment.

I am self dx Asperger's, and so have no formal basis for pushing this issue with the school or the school board.

How do parents with ASD handle kids being in school and all the challenges that come with it? I feel like I am in complete chaos most of the time, and the last thing I want is for my daughter to be punished (basically) for my issues.

The way they worded it was "let's wait and see, she may catch up" - and while that seems reasonable, it just left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

I am on my own. My soon to be ex husband was there, and he denies anything being wrong with her other than some "ADHD tendencies but still nothing extreme to worry about" (his words). Naturally the counselor and IEP representative, principal, all jumped on his words as confirmation that I was just being too paranoid and that this was "normal for many 5 yr olds". I wish I had never brought up that she was kept at home and not put in daycare because they said this is typical for that kind of history. They explained all my concerns away as that being the root cause. That because she can talk, and because she can learn, she can't be an extreme enough case to need a formal evaluation.

But mainly I wanted to ask other aspie parents how they cope with the constant changes and demands that kids going to school brings, especially if they are single parents with no family around for support.

The only people I know here are the stbx's family - the dreaded in-laws, and I am in enemy territory here.

Part of the reason he left was because he doesn't believe I have ASD or that he exhibits MANY characteristics of it himself.

The way they worded it was "let's wait and see, she may catch up" - and while that seems reasonable, it just left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

I am on my own. My soon to be ex husband was there, and he denies anything being wrong with her other than some "ADHD tendencies but still nothing extreme to worry about" (his words). Naturally the counselor and IEP representative, principal, all jumped on his words as confirmation that I was just being too paranoid and that this was "normal for many 5 yr olds". I wish I had never brought up that she was kept at home and not put in daycare because they said this is typical for that kind of history. They explained all my concerns away as that being the root cause. That because she can talk, and because she can learn, she can't be an extreme enough case to need a formal evaluation.

But mainly I wanted to ask other aspie parents how they cope with the constant changes and demands that kids going to school brings, especially if they are single parents with no family around for support.

The only people I know here are the stbx's family - the dreaded in-laws, and I am in enemy territory here.

Part of the reason he left was because he doesn't believe I have ASD or that he exhibits MANY characteristics of it himself.