How does having Aspergers give you a hard time?

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Bloodheart
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09 Nov 2011, 7:18 pm

Right now - it's responsible in part for unemployment, which has a massive effect on every aspect of my health, life, and future.

Generally - how easy it is to lose friends, knowing I am a friendly person and that people like me, but it's impossible to maintain friendships. It's strange seeing how easily it seems to come to other people, when other people have maintained friendships with people they were friends with in school...the whole concept of friendship baffles me at times, but I'm not quite sure why it's so hard.


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Last edited by Bloodheart on 10 Nov 2011, 11:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

MrXxx
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09 Nov 2011, 11:01 pm

All of the above posts and then some.

It would have been easier to answer this if you'd asked how it hasn't affected me negatively.

Holy toledo, what a depressing thread.

You know what though, it's not the AS that affects me negatively, it's the complications caused by others who don't understand it that does.


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Fnord
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09 Nov 2011, 11:09 pm

Most difficult?

Probably my lack of effective verbal communication skills. In order to communicate effectively, I have to put my thoughts in writing, but most of the people I work with don't have time to read even one paragraph. If I demonstrate a procedure, and then have one or two of them repeat it, that works. If I try to explain to someone over the phone how to do the same procedure, they get mad at me. Then I have to go out to where they were and demonstrate the procedure, which makes them even more angry because I've just made them feel stupid.

That's why I usually stay in the shop and do write-ups and illustrations, and only go out to the field when someone else has pooched something so badly that I have to go out and make it right.


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swbluto
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09 Nov 2011, 11:57 pm

Bataar wrote:
The fact that because of Asperger's, I have no hope for a stable/successful career. No hope for ever having a family of my own. The idea of being dirt poor / homeless at some point because of the above reasons.


Don't lose hope! There's plenty of relatively successful aspies on the forums. There's even more successful aspies than this forum would suggest, it just doesn't seem that way because many of the successful ones don't visit a support forum to begin with.



dogslife
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10 Nov 2011, 12:17 am

Asp-Z wrote:
The ignorance of others.

Great answer.

For me, #1 would be not knowing how to communicate, particularly when meeting new people or talking to people that I'm not close to. Both the inability to converse naturally and the accompanying social terror/anxiety in said situations.

The second biggest aspect, as weird as it sounds for this to be so major, is the blunt facial expression. I'm tired of constantly making sure my eyebrows are raised/forcing my face into an emotive position; it's tiresome, stressful, and uncomfortable. But my natural "expression" looks so incredibly angry/out of it (even though I'm not at all) that I can't just walk around like that. Luckily wearing sunglasses constantly helps.



NZaspiegirl016
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10 Nov 2011, 12:29 am

Okay, here goes. The stupid girl at school who likes to bully me, and talks about me "behind my back" In other words, when she thinks I shouldn't be able to hear her, but I actually can. I have even responded to this, and she just said "I wasn't talking to you. Stop eavesdropping" so I've learnt to ignore what she says even though I can still hear it. One day, she talked about everything I was doing as though it was stupid. One boy said to her "You're a bully" and her reply to that was "So, who cares? She hates me anyway!" Yep, she thinks it's okay to be a bully to someone who hates her, even if I hate her BECAUSE she bullied me. Then sometime last week, she was talking to her friend, then I heard" Blah, blah, I was talking about you, not to you!" and I thought she was talking about when I replied to what she's said, and I was thinking, Gosh, that was two terms ago, get over it! For a student in top set (intelligent people) classes with me, she's pretty stupid. One thing I'm happy about is that she's moving away. With any luck, I will never have to see her face again. :twisted:

So, to sum it up, the thing about AS that annoys me is the bullying that comes with it.


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Jacoby
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10 Nov 2011, 8:14 am

The accompanying anxiety.



Bataar
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10 Nov 2011, 11:15 am

swbluto wrote:
Bataar wrote:
The fact that because of Asperger's, I have no hope for a stable/successful career. No hope for ever having a family of my own. The idea of being dirt poor / homeless at some point because of the above reasons.


Don't lose hope! There's plenty of relatively successful aspies on the forums. There's even more successful aspies than this forum would suggest, it just doesn't seem that way because many of the successful ones don't visit a support forum to begin with.

Those are probably the aspies who's interests is computers and IT. :)



limau
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10 Nov 2011, 11:15 am

In short, aspergers makes our life hard, especially in the midst of the human race, because of...

The accompanying anxiety.

bullying that comes with it

not knowing how to communicate

lack of effective verbal communication skills

how easy it is to loose friends

born to be outcasted

continually offend people

overwhelming and I can't focus on the work

gf/bf scenarios generally last about six months ? (wonderful looks like some trend going on here)

cause misunderstandings.

wear a mask

afraid of unfamiliarity

always in tension!



Bataar
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10 Nov 2011, 12:35 pm

limau wrote:
In short, aspergers makes our life hard, especially in the midst of the human race, because of...

The accompanying anxiety.

bullying that comes with it

not knowing how to communicate

lack of effective verbal communication skills

how easy it is to loose friends

born to be outcasted

continually offend people

overwhelming and I can't focus on the work

gf/bf scenarios generally last about six months ? (wonderful looks like some trend going on here)

cause misunderstandings.

wear a mask

afraid of unfamiliarity

always in tension!

And an odd one, for me at least when it comes to career possibilities:

My sensitivity to touch makes it nearly unbearable for me to wear a suit.



Burnbridge
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10 Nov 2011, 1:28 pm

It might be the cut or the fabric of the suit that bothers you? I'm allergic to most synthetic fabrics, including rayon...a well cut suit with a nice snug vest (deep body pressure, anyone?) feels wonderful, though. Needs to be tailored to your proportions, however, or it will pull in an odd manner.

I would suggest Gabardine wool with linen or cotton lining & shirt. Gabardine is so finely woven, it does not itch in the same manner as other wools. It's waterproof as well.


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richardbenson
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10 Nov 2011, 1:35 pm

Frustration is my biggest problem now that and impatiance


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Cryforthemoon
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10 Nov 2011, 8:39 pm

I would like to add a few more things.

I dislike the fact that i have a hard time telling people how I'm feeling. In fact I have never been good at that at all. When trying to tell my mom what I'm feeling and then her saying.

"Well ever one get's sad or what ever all the time."

Really so the other people you a comparing me to were born with the same thing I was born with. I don't want her to see me as having problems. I just want her to stop comparing me to people who don't have the problems or issues I do. In other words don't go up to a blind man and tell him how you feel unless you you're self are blind you have no idea what he goes through.

He does not want any on to feel sorry for him. He just wants people to stop trying to bring them into there world when he knows that will never happen. Same with me I am who I am I'm not any NT this is what I have. I don't want my mom to keep comparing me to her friends who were not born with what I have.

I don't want to her about how my aunt is oh so worried because her son went out and got a girl pregnant and she understands the anxiety I go through because she is going through it. To which I tell or try to tell my mom. "You mean my aunt knows how for the past 30 years of my life I get up worrying about things NTs don't worry about." I wish that was the biggest worry and the only worry I ever had.

I mean if it's raining out I get anxiety over that. I get anxiety over driving and the sun being out. In fact the only thing that I don't have anxiety about is when I play World of Warcraft or any other kind of video game.

I hope I explained that well.



Cryforthemoon
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10 Nov 2011, 8:45 pm

Bataar wrote:
My sensitivity to touch makes it nearly unbearable for me to wear a suit.


My sensitivity goes to the point that the only bed and covers I can sleep on are my own. Wait let me take the one more step the only bed I can sleep in at all is my own bed.

Also out unless it is a brown or dark brown color or any off black kind of black not really black I can not sit in most leather seats. So you can only image what it's like for me on planes or getting into cars with red, blue, etc seats. Oh and if it moves forget it. There are so many things I don't like when it comes to touch.



shrox
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10 Nov 2011, 10:28 pm

Cryforthemoon wrote:
...I get anxiety over driving and the sun being out...


That is a perfectly proper concern during an Arizona summer.