So... should I try dating another aspie?

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Hmm, I've never thought of a girlfriend (or potential) as being a 'leader'.

Don't tend to get into relationships to be led.

Your girlfriend is not your guru (though I suppose she could be)

Do you bluntly tell him what not to do and why or do you hint hoping he will get it?

How long have you been dating him for? He seems to be head over heels in love with you and the only thing to correct that would be time. You would probably either have to give in and endure it and wait until this behaviour subsides, or just end the relationship now.

You could also tell him to use text/IM instead of the phone if you don't like the phone. The important thing here is to give him a chance to contact you. I have been through that crazy love stage before, so I know how important it can be to have constant access to the person who is the object of your fixation at that point. It's a bit of a control thing, too. Once he gets used to your patterns/establishes trust in you, he would most likely stop needing to contact you so much.

I'm most likely Aspie (my therapist agrees), and diagnosed ADD (hyper, impulsive, inattentive); my boyfriend is probably on the spectrum somewhere a little less verbal and is diagnosed ADD (mostly inattentive).

He majored in physics with a grad degree in EE and is a software engineer; I majored in math with a grad degree in biomath and have been a software engineer (and will be again; my kidneys failed, took time off for transplant and healing).

He has artistic tendencies and would love to learn more about music, I spent time as a professional orchestrator and would love to learn to draw better. We have similar senses of humor. INTP, INTP. Similar needs for the physical even after 6+ years together. Our sensory issues overlap.

He's more literal and less verbal than I am, which can be problematic when negotiating time together and other relationship stuff. We've learned to be REALLY explicit to avoid difficulties... but still drive each other nuts on occasion.

I feel really lucky most of the time!

He identifies as polyamorous and spends half his time living with his girlfriend of 13ish years (ADD and bipolar I), occasionally sees his girlfriend of 8 or 9 years (NT but pleasantly weird). This means he's away for 3 days at a time, here 3 days, which has its positives and negatives in terms of getting enough space/getting enough company.

(Ideally I'd find an additional serious partner but it's hard for me to see most people as attractive, usually the problem occurs when they open their mouth. I get hooked on another person brain-first, body second... ADD, Asperger's, polyamory, and/or maker tendencies are far from rare in Seattle... so I have met and dated some nice people in addition to my partner, but nobody who resonated well enough to be with for more than a month or 17. I keep hoping, though not in a frantic sort of way.)

Anyway, I recommend trying to find someone with a similar brain and interests, it can be wonderful!