In one word, how do you feel right now?

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What's wrong?

(A bit) uneasy

Bored

Bored (still!)

Lol....how can you be bored with folks like us to talk to?

That's why I'm bored- there's not a lot of traffic right now in any of the forums .

Lol...just lay back, and reflect during these "down times."

But you're energetic...and that's cool

Thanks! I just want to post something, and I guess I am now!

Edge

Sad

^May I ask why, and may I help?

Tired

Good tired

Thanks for asking, but unless you want a long story, you probably don't want to help. It's my stupid OCD (I hope).

^I don't mind. I'm good at listening, even virtual listening.

Alright lol.

Basically, I'm a hypochondriac, but instead of fearing physical disorders/diseases, I fear mental disorders. It's weird I would fear them since I have two myself (ASD and OCD), but OCD is like that, I guess. My main obsession/fear for over a year has been centered around developing schizophrenia, which I would rather die than have (no offense to anyone reading this who has it or has a friend/relative who has it). It's just my OCD (I hope). My fear started after I went through a period of time a while ago when I thought I was an "undiscovered genius" (I know I'm not now!). I thought that for about a month after taking one of those dumb IQ tests online. It went away after a month on its own.

Fast forward about 6 months later, and I finally know what is going on. I have read extensively about ASD and I fit almost everything there is to do with it. However, one night I get the thought "Hey, I wonder if that stupid " undiscovered genius" thing is related to ASD in any way. It could be a special interest gone wild or something like that." Of course, I googled it and up came a bunch of lists of schizophrenic and delusional disorder symptoms. I absolutely PANICKED at this point. I convinced myself I was about to go psychotic, and every day was filled with so much anxiety I couldn't even think about anything else. I worried about the symptom I had shown, and every other symptom there was. I spent every night screaming and crying with so much anxiety because it was too much. I finally told my mom and I now have a psychologist, but that's not helping things too much right now.

I have had severe OCD for a little over a year now (since May 2016). Every day feels like hell. My main problems right now are the fact I wake up in the middle of the night every night (erratic sleep patterns are a sign of early schizophrenia) and the fact I am so scared that this year will be a repeat of the "undiscovered genius" time. I also have this really weird feeling every single day. It almost feels like the feeling you get when you watch a horror movie- inescapable dread and fear. I don't know what is happening or what this feeling is. I feel like I'm about to lose touch with reality. It's the worst feeling ever. I keep getting intrusive thoughts from the time when I though I was an "undiscovered genius" and I have had to get rid of all my stuff that I used/touched during that time. I also have the same paranoid thoughts I read about online, but I don't believe them and I resist them with all my might. Resisting my own thoughts all day long is what is causing me to feel depressed and horrible inside. Whenever I get reassurance, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of me and I can finally breathe again. My posts don't really reflect what I feel inside with all the smiles and whatnot.

See, you didn't want my problems . I guess sad may have been a bit of an understatement. Sorry for the monologue. It feels good to get that off my chest, though.

No need to apologize at all. Kitty hugs.