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OldManDax
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28 Aug 2014, 6:05 pm

Angel_ryan wrote:
I do hope you closely monitor it though. A few years ago it was my first time posting on the women's form and couple of guys were being rude/disruptive. I ignored the forms after that till recently. In my recent post on here it was to a man that OPed something mildly but not over the top offending and his opinion was backed by another male poster. topic : Do autistic women? I'm not completely discouraged by this but I definitely won't open up as much because of the known or even potentially menacing lurking male presence. I've also discussed some sexual habits in another topic recently and was discouraged when a male quoted and commented on it. It was not something I wanted to discuss around men which is why I felt it was ok to talk about it on the women's forum.


I agree.



OldManDax
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28 Aug 2014, 6:12 pm

deconstruction wrote:
Like I explained elsewhere, I'm against segregation and I don't see it as a solution to the problems. However, I do think women need to know men can not just access this forum but they can also post their comments.

We can argue about the double standards, but for some reason, women are often less ready to open about certain issues (particularly of intimate nature) than men (and, judging by these forums, this includes Aspie men). To take my example, I don't really care about letting everybody know about my tampon problems, but when I opened that thread I assumed only women would be able to see and reply to it.

I'm all for gender equality, but men and women often have different ideas about what's appropriate and what isn't. I don't know if men are more ready to open in L&D and Adult forums than women are, or maybe they assume most of the people here are males, I don't know. But I do know that many women (not necessarily myself, though) are not ready to open if they know males are watching.

Again, I am against segregation but this is certainly an issue. Take this "do autistic women" thread. I went "lol" at it, but it doesn't really belong here. I'm not blaming it on mods; I know you're busy and we should report the threads we find unsuitable. But the mere fact it was allowed for it to appear here kind of speaks about the need for this forum to be made more safe for females.

And don't get me started on constant sexism we see on a daily basis at some other parts of the forum (L&D, for example). Seriously, that forum sometimes seems like "Men's Discussion" forum, and not in a good way.

Sorry for the long rant. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm against segregation but I do think AS women deserve to have a forum on WP where they feel completely safe to open themselves. I have no idea how to make a compromise here, though.


I have only started posting here today, but, really a women's forum should be for women and/or monitored. IOM



hurtloam
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23 Nov 2014, 8:56 am

Soooo, no one has bothered re-wording the description for this section on the upgrade.



LadyDaemontus
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30 Dec 2014, 7:07 am

It's sad... I see a women area but no men... as if men don't go through male problems, as if men don't go through things only males and some females can understand. Where the crap is the support for men? This annoys me so much because I know men go through a lot. I know what they go through and, it's harder for them to talk emotionally, to speak out about problems and then these 'support forums' only give sections out for women.


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03 Nov 2015, 5:35 pm

What deliberately strikes me as odd, is having a sub forum for women that is being headed up by men constantly. Fine, so you don’t have male mods interfering here, but you do get male members.
If they want a male forum, give them one, at least it will keep them away from here and from posting quips and jibes elsewhere.



seaweed
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06 Jun 2016, 7:19 pm

i am also in support of a reinstatement of the men's forum.
i know that when it was attempted in the past many of the posts were crude and misogynistic, but i wasn't there so i'm not sure how true that is. however, i'm sure there are things that can be done to minimize this type of behavior, such as redirecting topics to the adult forum, editing or removing seriously harmful posts, and being very clear about the intent of the section. i mean, ideally, if a men's section was modeled like the women's section there would be few problems. lol.

but i say good, so long as women are allowed access it and voice our opinions and ideas if we want to and are within the forum rules, just like men do here. it's not like the men's forum wouldn't have to be monitored to the same degree as the women's forum (right?), and plus, if some men want to exchange destructive ideas that may or may not be clearly outside of the forum rules, wouldn't it be better to discuss that openly rather than repress it completely and let those ideas manifest even deeper? even if it becomes hostile, its not like threads here or anywhere else on this forum have not become hostile due to difference in opinion. i believe we owe it to the men on this forum to give them a space like the women's forum where they can talk about societal pressures, men's health, sexual health, clothing, hygiene, relations with women, other men, parents, children, etc. there are lots of issues i'm sure men would like to discuss which are completely valid and applicable to their gender, and the men's thread is an awkward solution to this.
i understand that debates can blow up and cause strife between members, and also that women may not want to disclose certain things in the presence of men and vice versa. many the issues with restricting access have already been identified, and so maybe the best solution is to recreate a space for men to have exchanges in a predominantly male context.
i agree with Empathy too, in that a men's forum could actually serve to relieve the women's forum of some of the less helpful types of male presence here. if its done well, it may even be able to balance out the hostility between male vs. female arguments. yes there may be more hostility quantitatively, but leveling out the playing field and giving men a chance to express themselves in a rightfully male dominated context is good sportsmanship.
i'm not so deeply afflicted by online hostility, and maybe i'm in the minority because i enjoy open debate and think that it's ultimately regressive if arguments aren't made for the sake of keeping the peace.

with all that said, i really do understand that people cannot be controlled so easily, and it would be asking a lot of alex and site monitors to reinstate a forum which has gone so wrong in the past. my vote is all for giving men a second chance to make it right, though. maybe there needs to be more monitors on wp?



Empathy
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11 Jul 2016, 9:46 pm

seaweed wrote:
i am also in support of a reinstatement of the men's forum.

i understand that debates can blow up and cause strife between members, and also that women may not want to disclose certain things in the presence of men and vice versa. many the issues with restricting access have already been identified, and so maybe the best solution is to recreate a space for men to have exchanges in a predominantly male context.
i agree with Empathy too, in that a men's forum could actually serve to relieve the women's forum of some of the less helpful types of male presence here. yes there may be more hostility quantitatively, but leveling out the playing field and giving men a chance to express themselves in a rightfully male dominated context is good sportsmanship.
i'm not so deeply afflicted by online hostility, and maybe i'm in the minority because i enjoy open debate and think that it's ultimately regressive if arguments aren't made for the sake of keeping the peace.

my vote is all for giving men a second chance to make it right, though.


You can give peace a chance, but nothing is a given, especially on some rougher terrains and uneven playing fields. Some of the men on here are probably.. craving female respect and values. I can't pretend I've got that in abundance and sometimes I feel my conscience wearing thin too.
I've tried to be subtle, without becoming too demure, and try to show some equal passive aggression but it all comes down to how expressive a person you truly are and, what rights you're shelving just for the sake of sobriety and human wellness. It's not that I'm not competitive, I just don't feel ambitiously matched. I refuse to be treated like a sex toy also.
If no one gets a crude joke turned sour, then one person has to take the blame.
I can't help it if there's no remedy or cause to extinguish the flame.
In any case, I'm about to turn in for a night of utter momentum without stupor.

Views on this issue, need to be looked into again at some point.



Melangey
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05 Sep 2016, 5:02 pm

It's only confusing because there's no "Men's Discussion" forum. I assumed this wasn't private, but was exclusive to women-related questions. I'm not going to get too personal about my body here, but I don't want a guy commenting on something he doesn't understand--like PMS. Let's get a Men's Discussion! :lol:



ramondamyconi
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18 Dec 2016, 2:47 pm

I second the thought of adding a Men's Forum. Also I hope this doesn't come off as rude (this is just a straightforward observation I've made being new around here and scouring all the threads) but the Love and Dating forum kinda looks like a Men's Forum already? Maybe giving the dudes their own space to talk would even things out around there :?



Zsinix
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03 Mar 2017, 8:42 am

spongy wrote:
any male can give their input as long as they are trying to be helpfull/supportive.



Wow... just wow...

I can not fathom how a man can honestly say that a section is for women if it is for men and women. A woman would not go to a so called "woman's forum" for a male's input.

I have been to far too many Aspie Meetups that decided to do a "Women's Issues" (or similar) discussion, only to have it devolve into men angrily going on about women or in some cases being told that I'm going "off topic" by discussing issues that are "only relevant to women", to waste my time on this forum.

Once again, I find that I'm on the wrong planet. It's just so depressing a that it's here. :cry:



Lunella
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03 Mar 2017, 8:59 am

Zsinix wrote:
spongy wrote:
any male can give their input as long as they are trying to be helpfull/supportive.



Wow... just wow...

I can not fathom how a man can honestly say that a section is for women if it is for men and women. A woman would not go to a so called "woman's forum" for a male's input.

I have been to far too many Aspie Meetups that decided to do a "Women's Issues" (or similar) discussion, only to have it devolve into men angrily going on about women or in some cases being told that I'm going "off topic" by discussing issues that are "only relevant to women", to waste my time on this forum.

Once again, I find that I'm on the wrong planet. It's just so depressing a that it's here. :cry:


You make a strong point but usually mostly women do reply to the topics in here, I just ignore the male responses when it comes to womens discussion. Not in a disrespectful way, just more that their opinions are less valid in a womans forum simply because they have a whole other experience to anyone who identifies as a woman.

And yes I've seen this myself when it turns into a complaining match about women from males at these groups but it tends to be fine here so don't let like one bad comment out of thousands of good ones put you off.

If you wanna just rant about dudes then go for it, they rant about us enough haha. :wink:


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burnt_orange
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25 Mar 2017, 10:10 pm

I just want to add my vote here about the males posting in the women's discussion category. I wouldn't ever ban men, but I would strongly discourage it. It is bothersome and the women can't use the category in a constructive helpful way. I think Alex should consider the women's view because their are more and more of us now. Maybe we'll leave this site and find our own way somewhere else.

One other suggestion. One person commented that they don't look at the categories, they just look at the latest things posted and respond to those. What if the women's category was removed from that list so that a person would have to deliberately seek it out in order to post or reply there. I think this may cut 90% of the male posters.

I also don't agree that this is sexism, just as affirmative action isn't racism. The men always get what they want is BS. As other women have said, men run the dating category like it's a woman bashing event. I dare not step foot there. I wish the women's category was so unwelcoming to men.



pepto_bismol
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09 May 2020, 9:54 pm

Angel_ryan wrote:
I don't even like to post on the love and dating thread because the guys can seem pretty rude at times. They pretty much own it. It's the last place I like to post. It's kind of sad that Alex took down the men only/ women only forms, I mean seriously most women don't like to talk about certain things in front of guys so to claim that this is the place where we can talk about that kind of stuff and making it assessable to the people we don't want to know about certain issues defeats the purpose of it's existence in the first place. Not only that but there is a higher prevalence of autism or at least diagnosed cases amongst men leaving us a minority. It's bad enough there still isn't total equality in society, we deserve some rights and privileges don't we? Especially since there are private things that Aspie women might not get all that much support with, it's probably refreshing to some to know there is a safe place to talk about those things with other women on the spectrum. We also are affected by our symptoms differently and it'd be nice to feel emotionally safe from talking about things the opposite sex is probably going to make fun of you for. NT guys or Asipe guys they can be pretty mean and incompetent when it comes to emotionally understanding a women and they are just going to come off the wrong way, why leave us with the hassle. What's a women supposed to do if she feels bullied by men in her life and doesn't want a male's input on an emotional subject. Sometimes I want to slap my brother upside the head when he tells me as I'm putting make up on that men don't care if I look pretty or not and that I'm just going to be yucky and sweaty when they're done...Apergian females are normal?

Couldn't have said it better myself. Males and females can't relate on every subject and even though some women don't want to use female only forums, we should at least have the option to use them if we wanted to. There are female forums for aspies like myself but it's the internet. There are misogynistic males who will troll and/or exploit gender identity politics to disturb females.



DianeQ
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14 May 2021, 7:16 pm

Thanks for the explanation!
I was surprised that SO MANY men were posting & answering in the women's section!
I mean, they get our bathrooms now, and a shot at all female athletes now, I guess we'll have to put up with the hairy stinky lot of them here as well!
:roll: LOL!