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whitemissacacia
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06 Dec 2011, 10:57 am

I was diagnosed with AS when I was 7, at school. One of my teachers noticed I could have HFA and she told my parents. My parents were outraged about it, they stated I was very outgoing and social, and they saw no way I could be an aspie. However, my teachers' statements were clear:
"It's the way she plays... her obsessive interests... her prodigious memory. Her aspie traits will grow stronger throughout the years until she starts becoming more and more isolated".
Furthermore, a family friend, who is also a psychiatrist, made me answer some questionares and carried out several interviews with me in 1997. I, of course, didn't know what it was about, and it only became obvious a few weeks ago. She said I was definitely an aspie, and she explained my parents that Aspergers does not necessarily equal a quiet gloomy child who rocks alone in a corner. My parents said nothing and decided to pretend I didn't have it.

Just as my teacher and that psychiatrist previewed, I began becoming introverted as I grew up, until I began realizing something odd was happening. I had always felt different, and this feeling had intensified year after year, until one of my closest friends suggested I could indeed HAVE AS. I laughed, thinking it was just a matter of trends (TBBT, Sheldon Cooper, etc.) but that didn't stop me from doing some research, and I began to believe that I could seriously have it.

Whenever I popped up the subject, my parents would make me be quiet by snapping: "You've always been NORMAL. Now stop it with that Aspergers nonsense, it's just something you're making up in your head".

Until one day, a few weeks ago, I decided to ask my family's friend, the psychiatrist.
"Yes, you do have it." She stated. "Only you don't have the actual official documentary to state it. But I'm a professional and I diagnosed you and you've got Aspergers Syndrome. Your parents just don't understand what it means. They believe it's something that makes you insane, and thus they carry out this involuntary defense mechanism in which they say no no no, in order to make themselves believe there isn't something which actually IS there!".

I, however, feel rather lonely. The fact of not being able to talk about AS at home because my parents still believe I don't have it is highly frustrating. Am I the only one suffering from this?



Silas
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06 Dec 2011, 11:16 am

How old are you now? 21?

AS runs in my family and my wife's family (amazing, lol). My wife's father and brother have it (and it is VERY obvious--unfortunately for her older brother, AS was rarely diagnosed, and poorly understood: he has had a lot of problems in his life). My 8 year old son was diagnosed 1 1/2 years ago with AS and we have designed a homeschooled curriculum for him that helps with social and life skills. My other son has PDD-NOS. I myself have AS traits (obsessive interests, compulsive behaviors, difficulty with eye contact, etc.)

That being said, my father does not accept the AS diagnosis for my son. I don't try and convince him otherwise. Not everyone believes in the condition.

I don't look at AS as a "disorder" or an "illness." Some people are simply wired differently, and I suspect it has to do with the evolution of the human brain. We are becoming specialists with attention to detail, rather than generalists who need to thrive in a pack. That being said, there are challenges for AS people for sure, and these cannot be minimized.

What kind of evaluation did your psychiatrist friend perform? Was it comprehensive?

There are degrees of AS, and a mild form is pretty easy to deal with. Do you find that it is affecting your interpersonal relationships? Are you having trouble at school or work?



whitemissacacia
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06 Dec 2011, 11:24 am

She's not my psychiatrist, actually. She's just a friend, but she's a psychiatrist so I asked her about the possibility of me having AS and she said yes, and that she diagnosed me when I was a child.

I remember she made me answer loads of questions at school at playtime. She also asked my parents about stuff and she interviewed several teachers about me too.



whitemissacacia
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06 Dec 2011, 11:26 am

I used to have problems during my teens because I realised my peers didn't want me, and that I had difficulties chatting up people who weren't my CLOSE group of friends. Everyone seemed to think I was odd. But I managed to imitate my peers in some ways and I can try and fake being a neurotypical for fairly long periods of time, even though my aspie traits end up bursting out at one point or another, generally through meltdowns.



The_Perfect_Storm
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06 Dec 2011, 11:33 am

I'd find somebody else to talk to about it. Your parents don't sound like they'd be very helpful.

Mine weren't particularly helpful either.



whitemissacacia
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06 Dec 2011, 11:58 am

The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
I'd find somebody else to talk to about it. Your parents don't sound like they'd be very helpful.

Mine weren't particularly helpful either.


What did they say/do about it?



mar00
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06 Dec 2011, 12:20 pm

I think it would be a good idea to go for a professional assessment - it might not only calm your mind but also if you are up to it you can try to confront your parents with an official diagnosis and determination to clear things up for them (if you have any hope that this might work).

I was growing up alone as a child - my parents were rather neglectful, and as I understand it now they had to work a lot. Tough times in Europe. I don't have any connection with them at all even though we used to live under the same roof until very recently. So I have no interest in telling them - I doubt they would understand any of it. It is heart wrecking, yeah...They are damaged people themselves.. They don't understand or care or w/e who I am though I am sure they think they are well meaning and they love me or something. They are very emotionally reserved and conservative as most old people. What's to do, I cannot keep knocking at the door which is closed forever. I just have to know better or it will eat me alive.



whitemissacacia
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06 Dec 2011, 2:45 pm

I feel relief by knowing I am not the only one... yet guilty at the same time. This is nothing to feel good about. It's actually really hard to lack family support because they refuse to accept it.



agnes_nitt
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06 Dec 2011, 4:23 pm

I agree with Mar00, you need an official diagnosis.

This topic is interesting because I think my mother will not accept my AS either.

2 years ago I made a depression (now I think it's because of my AS and not knowing I had it) and my mother didn't not accept it (impossible at my age, she said). Anyway, my two friends have been helpfull.
I wrote a letter to her (someone told me it could help). Well, it didn't help…

Maybe one of your parent is less repulse by the idea of you having AS?

Good luck with that!



whitemissacacia
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06 Dec 2011, 4:33 pm

agnes_nitt wrote:
I agree with Mar00, you need an official diagnosis.


Thing is, I already had a psychiatrist stating that I do have Aspergers Syndrome. By official diagnosis, do you mean a paper or something she could sign to certify I have it? My parents were reluctant to her doing this. However, now that I'm of age, I could get her to do so. How does it work?

On the other hand, it's not a matter of having an official diagnosis... it's the fact that they will always believe I don't have it, no matter how many psychiatrists tell them I do. It's frustrating! :wall:

... I think I'm going to have a meltdown right now... :?



agnes_nitt
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06 Dec 2011, 5:05 pm

Diagnosis is not made by neurologist? I thought it was…
I thought AS could be seen on a neurological exam, why this exam is not used for diagnosis?

I'm not diagnosed so I don't know, sorry.

Do not despair now, the psychiatrist is on your side…


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arielhawksquill
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06 Dec 2011, 5:45 pm

Official diagnosis won't do very much for you unless you are looking for official accomodations at school or work--as you've already noted, it won't make any difference to your parents.

YOU know who and what you are now, and it's going to be up to you to find resources and helpful strategies for living as an Aspie. Luckily you have WrongPlanet. :)



mar00
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06 Dec 2011, 7:33 pm

whitemissacacia wrote:
Thing is, I already had a psychiatrist stating that I do have Aspergers Syndrome. By official diagnosis, do you mean a paper or something she could sign to certify I have it? My parents were reluctant to her doing this. However, now that I'm of age, I could get her to do so. How does it work?

Well I just think it might be useful for you or if you don't feel like it then it won't. And your mom doesn't have to do or know anything. :) My way to diagnosis might have been a bit unconventional, but I imagine generally you go to a gp or something, ask for a reference - your case really seems compelling to get that easily. Then you have an interview with a professional and some tests are performed as he/she seems fit. It's just that if you go to a college, for instance, having official AS diagnosis might really help. But then again it might not so it depends on what does a person want. I think it's just mind calming to have a paper but others might not think so. Anyhow, you know yourself better than anyone else ;)

But if you are up for it having an actual paper from someone independent might, for instance, convince your dad and he your mom or however it would go. But if they are reluctant to admit it really might be pointless and you would have to do a lot of explaining..

It's that just might be not about acceptance. Maybe they have a very wrong idea about what AS really is. Maybe they couldn't ever provide you with support you need. And in the process of educating them you might get into a fight.. Maybe it would be a good idea to invite someone with AS over so that they would see how normal people with AS can be. But I imagine it would be really hard on them denying it for such a long time.

Well I was told a lot while growing up that I am making stuff up, all the weird sensations I experienced. I decided to leave it as it is because it was too painful for me. Sorry if I sound gloomy, I have no intention of bringing you down :roll: I can tell you about my parents - they don't know what AS is, they think autistic people are "retards", as are gay people, and that black people are inferior. I by no means compare it to your parents! It's just to demonstrate that it is very hard to say something to people who have a very different worldview. It's just a part of a "human condition". Now imagine telling your christian grandpa that the world is really not 10k thousand years old.



draelynn
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06 Dec 2011, 8:39 pm

Ask you psychiatrist friend to refer you to a collegue for an official dx. The label can help you get services, protect you in the workplace, and, if necessary, qualift you for disability if you require it. As an adult now, your parents denial is their problem. If they have no desire to accept reality, there really isn't much you can do to change that other than to advocate for yourself and get the help you should have had all along.

I'm sorry they failed you so badly.



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06 Dec 2011, 9:49 pm

It seems as though your parents have been watching Rain Man one time too many.


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