Am I doing more harm then good?

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momsparky
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08 Dec 2011, 12:54 pm

I have to say, I have as much problem with the word "gifted" as I do with the word "defect." I know that people here mean it in terms of certain criteria, but I think that kind of label just does the opposite of what the more negative labels do: it focuses on the child's strengths and ignores their weaknesses. My brother went to a "gifted" school, graduated and entered college in his sophomore year at 16. He got all the way through graduate school and finally realized, just before his dissertation, that he had never really wanted a Phd. He continues to struggle with the disparity between his intellectual life and his social skills. The family I grew up in is filled with people with advanced degrees who live lonely lives.

This is not to say that there isn't room to challenge kids intellectually when they need it - just that it's important to make sure that kids get what they need in all areas, not just the ones where they excel.

I often remind parents that many, many kids who exhibit these symptoms have a deficit in social communication called "Pragmatic Language;" it's a common issue in Autism. There are tests and therapies that your school (or public school district, if you're in a private school) should be able to offer your child; it's a good place to start for kids who have difficulty interacting without mechanical speech issues.

Here are some articles that offer an overview of some of the symptoms that appear to relate to what you're concerned about:
http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-serv ... troduction
(scroll down to the list of symptoms)
http://autism.about.com/od/whatisautism ... cation.htm



ASDMommyASDKid
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08 Dec 2011, 1:29 pm

I agree, Momsparky. Naturally, you need labels to get any kind of help from the school, though. Unfairly, I think the schools try a little harder when your kid has a gifted label, and to me that is the main use for it. I notice that even the people who are supposed to know about these things will stereotype kids based on the autistic label. The gifted label helps a little bit to avoid some of that.

Otherwise, I think it is better just to treat the strengths and weaknesses by themselves.



Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 11 Dec 2011, 12:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

SylviaLynn
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08 Dec 2011, 1:39 pm

You might want to check out this site:
Social and Emotional Needs of the Gifted

In terms of sensitivities and social skills there is much in common between a profoundly gifted child and a kid on the spectrum.


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Bombaloo
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08 Dec 2011, 3:02 pm

nervousparent wrote:
If I had to completely guess I would say that they simply make him nervous. Children aren't nearly as predictable as adults

Got it in one! This sums up my DS's preschool experience. He was often perplexed by the way other children behaved when he even aknowledged their existence.

What you said about never speaking to other children except when he wanted to ask the little girl to come to lunch with him struck me. My oldest brother is quite a bit like this. He is very intelligent and capable, an excellent computer engineer who holds a high position in his field BUT he speaks infrequently, always has, and when he does speak it is with a soft voice. He once told me that he only talks when there is something important to say. And when there is something important to say, he says it without hesitation and with complete confidence.

Your boy will go far, he's just on a different track! :)



nervousparent
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08 Dec 2011, 4:02 pm

Well. My mother-in-law picked him up today, so I didn't get a chance to speak to the teacher. He took his favorite book today (an atlas) and got up in front of the group sitting on the floor and read a bit (an amazing milestone). He says he talked to another child also. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to see the actual interaction. Next week I'll be going to speak to the teacher again, she definitely said today was much better. In the past there has been some "warming up" after time but its as good as it ever gets. Hopefully this is just the start of some excellent progression.



fantomeq
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09 Dec 2011, 2:53 pm

If he can read that well and taught himself, he's probably hyperlexic. I hear the book When Babies Read is very good, although I have not received my copy yet to read it.
http://www.amazon.com/When-Babies-Read- ... 406&sr=8-2